Some things can never be fixed...

Nothing feels right. Not since my best friend died and I screwed up the one promise he asked me to make. The past follows me everywhere, tangling me up like weeds, reminding me that my life is empty. So goddamn empty.

Then she walks into the bar, all bright beauty and sweet lips made for kissing.

Em Stewart is a complication...one I need to avoid. She’s got heavy secrets of her own, ones she hides from her friends—and lies about to herself.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t resist her, and our unexpected road trip sure as hell isn’t helping my cause. But I’ll be damned if I screw up my first chance at something real...

Table of Contents

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Erin Butler…

How We Lived

Abby and the Cute One

Discover more New Adult titles from Entangled Embrace…

Written on My Heart

Own Me

Letting Go

What If

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 by Erin Butler. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Publisher.

Entangled Publishing, LLC

2614 South Timberline Road

Suite 109

Fort Collins, CO 80525

Visit our website at www.entangledpublishing.com.

Embrace is an imprint of Entangled Publishing, LLC.

Edited by Heather Howland

Cover design by Heather Howland

Cover art from Jenn LeBlanc of Illustrated Romance

ISBN 978-1-62266-305-7

Manufactured in the United States of America

First Edition December 2015

For Tommy

Chapter One

BEAR

Figured. The one night my brother convinced me to go out, anything and everything reminded me of Kelsey Larkin, which in turn reminded me how everything had gone to shit since she’d picked Chase over me.

We sat at the bar at Pete’s, a small dive in the center of town and a major hangout with the college student crowd, which was why I usually avoided it—and Finn gravitated to it. They pretended to card, but not very carefully, especially if you were female and showing some skin. Both were prerequisites for my older brother, so, at least one of us was happy.

I sure as hell wasn’t. Hadn’t been since Kelsey gave me her ultimatum a few months ago—accept Chase, or we were done. But just how was I supposed to accept the guy who killed my best friend? I hadn’t figured that out yet and damn well didn’t feel like trying.

I hadn’t seen her since.

Nights like this though, regret seeped in deep. The emptiness overwhelmed me like it used to, which scared the shit out of me. I’d tried to shut my eyes between Finn’s nudges to look at this girl or that girl to drown out the commotion around me. It made it easier to think, and to hope for a better day tomorrow.

But tonight Finn was on a mission to get me to return to the living, as he put it. Kelsey wouldn’t leave my head, though, no matter how loud the music or how crowded the bar. No matter how much I wished I could feel like I had before the accident. My head was a fucked up place to be. And that was before Kelsey’s friend Em strolled into the bar and turned my shitty night out into a fucking unbearable one.

Now she wasn’t just in my head, she was in my goddamn face.

Surrounded by a few girlfriends—luckily none of them were Kelsey—Em eyed the crowd as if we were all fish in a bowl. When her gaze landed on me, she waved. I gave her a slight wave back, right before her friends dragged her toward the dance floor and started dancing, Em in the middle.

I turned to Finn. He’d persuaded me to come out by saying he needed a wingman. It was bullshit. He had no trouble getting girls to sleep with him, but he knew exactly what to say to get me out where he could work on me about not being a hermit and wasting the best years of my life and whatever else he’d been spewing since we’d straddled the wooden stools.

“You know her?” he asked, his stare following Em across the floor, the wheels in his head already turning, contemplating whether Em could—or would—help me with my “problem.” According to Finn, part of my issue was I hadn’t gotten laid in a year. He didn’t want me to have sex to forget about Kelsey. He wanted me to stop thinking, period. Finn had never understood, though. The emptiness was the problem.

I needed to put a stop to Finn’s thoughts right then. Even if I were the type to use women, Em would be the last girl I’d choose. Well, second to the last. Kelsey would edge her out. “She’s a friend of Kelsey’s.”

Finn stopped his incessant scratching at the label on his beer, his face tightening with an unspoken curse. “Don’t let it get to you, man. You’ve been doing better.”

“I’m fine.” If he were in my head, he would know I was just a damn good pretender.

He stepped into my line of sight, blocking the view of the dance floor, and quirked a knowing eyebrow at me. “Yeah. You’re fine. Why the hell are you squeezing the life out of that beer then?”

He was right. I loosened my grip on the bottle and took a swig. “Forget it, bro. Just find a lady so we can get the hell out of here.”

“Easy for you to say. Pops gave you the apartment. And you’re not even using it to its full advantage. Why don’t we both find some ladies and get laid?”

A couple of years older than I am, Finn should’ve been Dad’s go-to choice to have the apartment after our older brother Declan moved out to get a place with his girlfriend, but they’d never really seen eye-to-eye. He was still stuck at home because of me and never missed a chance to remind me of that fact either.

“Dude. Like I haven’t let you have use of the apartment. Jesus. When are you going to let that shit go? Dad doesn’t trust you. You only think about sex, girls, and beer. In that order.”

“What’s wrong with that? You are loyal to a fucking fault. Live a little, man.” He pointed at the sea of faces. “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed girls checking us out.” Voice falling to a whisper, he leaned in close. “This shit isn’t kosher, Ronan. He didn’t mean for you to stop living your life.”

My body froze and I gripped the neck of my beer hard. Mentioning Kyle Larkin was dangerous. He hadn’t known him like I did. He had no idea what Kyle meant when he told me to take care of Kelsey. A quick count to ten later, like I’d taught myself to do, I leaned over and placed my forearms on the bar. “Listen, bro, if you wanted the apartment, you should have stayed working at the shop, or—”

“I work at the shop.” He took a swallow of his beer. “Sometimes.”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

Finn’s definition of “sometimes” was once a month, if that. I couldn’t even remember the last time he was there and actually got under a car. He’d answer the phones and set up appointments, but blue-collar work didn’t seem to be in his repertoire. To him, I was crazy for enjoying it.

My brother glanced over his shoulder, eyes already shining with alcohol haze. “Quit your shit. We’re about to be twinning.”

Finn had a hot girl detector. The thing was like sonar. Military grade.

Curious, I peeked in the same direction until I zeroed in on a set of twins in skintight dresses. One in white. One in black. They did nothing for me, but Finn would expect me to play nice and flirt.

Instead of smiling or even acknowledging them, I did my best to ignore the whole situation. I had my own shit to worry about and didn’t feel like fucking pretending tonight. I was in no shape to let a girl into my life. The shackles were invisible but they were there. There was a constant tug-of-war going on inside, where part of me wanted to suck it up and see Kelsey again so I could keep her safe like Kyle wanted, but the other part couldn’t fathom forgiving Chase. She’d asked me to do something impossible and then chosen him over me. At the moment, my own mind was still winning out.

Finn leaned casually back against the bar. All he had to do was smile and the twins came slinking over. “Okay,” he asked, his smile filling the entire bottom half of his face, “who’s the bad one and who’s the good one?”

When they giggled, Finn nudged my arm, and I reluctantly spun toward them. The one in white looked me over and licked her lips.

Was that supposed to be sexy? Probably. It honestly had no effect on me. Before I examined that reaction, an excited yell caught my attention. “Bear!”

I turned, thankful someone had helped me out of this awkward situation until I saw who it was.

Em held out her hands and made grabby motions. It was obvious she was trashed. As with Kelsey, I hadn’t seen Em in months, and never in our history had we ever done the hug-when-we-saw-each-other thing. A smile and a wave, maybe. She was just Kelsey’s cute, energetic friend who sometimes talked really loud and happened to be around a lot.

Finn poked me in the shoulder and gestured toward her. Em’s hands were still outstretched. Sighing, I pulled her into a hug.

When she backed away, she wobbled a little. She righted herself by placing her hand on one of the bar stools. After pausing briefly to make sure she could stand without help, she smiled up at me. “You should buy me a drink. My boyfriend went on vacation without me because he’s a douchebag, like whoa, and my friends dragged me out here so I won’t sit at home and wallow all by myself.”

That sounded exactly like something Em would say even if she weren’t shitfaced.

“No,” the girl next to her said, “we brought you here to find someone better.”

Em sneered, grabbed the drink out of the girl’s hand and downed it. “They’re bitches, Bear. Don’t mind them.”

I lowered my head to hide the chuckle forcing its way out. Em was always like that. She gave it to you straight. “What’s their problem?”

“I don’t know. I’m like the mom and all my kids are fighting.”

The girl snatched the empty glass out of Em’s hand and slammed it on the bar. “Um, hello.” She grabbed Em by the shoulders and twirled her in a circle. “He could have taken this on vacation,” she said, motioning to Em’s body.

Since it had been pointed out to me, I couldn’t help but look. Damn. Em had grown up.

“You deserve better, and deep down you know it,” her friend said.

Em’s girlfriends cheered while she pouted.

I motioned toward the bartender. “One round for the girls, on me.”

They squealed, then shouted their orders all at once. When the drinks came up, Em passed me a shot glass and held her own in the air. “To high school, when things were easy.” She clinked her glass with mine then threw it back.

Toasting to high school seemed appropriate. In high school, Kyle was still alive and I didn’t feel like I let him down every damn second of every day. Back then, for the first time, I’d been a part of a group of people that were something special. We were friends. We were everything to each other. Now, I was left out again.

I tossed my shot back without knowing what it was. A nasty licorice taste coated my tongue. Ugh. Sambuca. It did not go well with the beer I’d been nursing.

One of Em’s friends slid another shot across the bar toward me, and I swallowed that, too. I figured what the hell. If I had to see Em, I might as well try and get too drunk to remember it.

The twins had each slid an arm around Finn’s waist. I hid a smile. Only my brother could pull off crazy shit like that.

Finn rested his hand on my shoulder. “You need any help with these ladies?”

“Nope.” I plastered a smile on my face. The sooner he left, the faster I could sneak out the back, go home, and wallow all by myself, like Em had said she wanted to do. I’d planned on a night of Netflix anyway. May as well make that happen. “I got this.”

“Great.” Finn winked, his eyes glassy, then he took one of Em’s friends and moved her right next to me. “Show my brother a good time. He’s forgotten how to have one.”

To me, he leaned down and whispered, “I guess I’ll be twinning by myself.”

His voice held all the tasteless glee I’d expect of a cast member of The Jersey Shore. I shook my head as he sauntered off, his arms around both ladies.

“To the dance floor,” yelled the girl Finn had basically handed to me. She grabbed me and yanked me along behind her as she marched to the makeshift dance floor.

We danced to song after song, and the girls bought me drinks until my head was fuzzy. The alcohol transported me into an altered state where everything was heightened yet frayed around the edges. Kyle was still dead, but it didn’t hurt at the moment. I still had the promise I made him, but it was more like a “Well, I’ll see what I can do.” The music thumped in my ears, but it was just noise. The lights were bright but blurred. My fingers were numb when I held Em to me and danced, but her tight body was real. And I had friends. They were all around me.

I was actually having a good time. Mostly because Em was a hell of a lot of fun, and even though looking at her reminded me of Kelsey, it felt natural. Comfortable. I’d been around Em before, I reasoned, so I could certainly do it again.

“You better slow down,” she said, nodding at my fifth shot.

“You slow down.” I threw the now empty shot glass onto the nearest table. It slid and crashed against others.

She leaned into me, her hand on my chest, and laughed. “I mean it. You’re getting sloppy. How am I supposed to enjoy your muscles if you can’t stand up straight?”

I tightened my arms around her. “You’re enjoying my muscles?”

“I think all my friends are about to faint with how much they’re enjoying your muscles.” She slapped my shoulder after seeing my reaction. “Don’t smile like that. Perv.”

“Who? Me?” I teased, then slipped my hand into hers. “You want anything to drink?”

She shook her head. “Nah. I stopped a while ago.”

“Why? I thought you were trying to forget. It’s nice not to think for a while, isn’t it?” I picked her up by the waist and pretended to toss her in the air.

She squealed and hacked at my arms. “I actually know my limit. Apparently you don’t.”

I let her down and twisted her around to the beat of the music. She tripped over her own feet. Yep, she was done.

She looked back and laughed so hard she bent at the hips. “Ronan! Holy shit. I almost fell over. Told you I was at my limit.”

Huh. She called me Ronan. “You know my first name?”

“Duh.” She laughed again. “We went to school together. I know everyone called you Bear in high school, but I always liked Ronan better. It fits you.”

Em turned and set a path toward the bar. She hopped on a stool and patted the one next to her. After a while, she smiled and pointed to the girl Finn had pushed at me. “Looks like my friends are having fun.”

From this angle, it looked like her friend and some random guy were giving nearby dancers a little mouth-to-mouth demo. “You could say that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m glad someone’s having a good time.”

She seemed like she wanted to be here as much as I did, which was a tick past the “Nope, I’m good” notch.

“Tell me about it. Finn dragged me here. He thinks I need to get laid or something.”

Em giggled into the back of her hand. Okay. Maybe that was a little TMI. She nodded, though. “My friends, too. Want me to get laid, I mean.”

“But you have a boyfriend. What’s the story there?”

“Not really sure. He promised he’d take me on his family vacation, but I’m almost positive his uptight parents put a stop to that idea. Tina and everybody think it’s the perfect opportunity to find me someone else. Or something like that. Who knows what they’re thinking, actually. I try not to because it gives me a headache.”

“I take it they don’t like him.”

She shook her head and it was a while before her gaze focused on me again. Her eyes were shiny. I couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or something else. Swallowing, she looked down at her shoes. “Nope. And I don’t really know why, either. It’s not like he ever did anything to them. He feels bad about not being able to take me. I mean, I think he does. He knows I was looking forward to it.”

Her eyes started to tear up so I put my hand on her arm. “I’m sorry, Em.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard when the children are all fighting.” She smiled but it looked fake.

Jesus. We were sad. I was moping around over Kelsey. Em was lamenting her boyfriend’s absence. This wasn’t high school, and everything had changed. The friends I’d thought I could count on for life were either dead—or sucked. It was less than a year since Kyle died, less than a year since I’d decided I would have nothing to do with Chase ever again, but only a few months since Kelsey made a bad situation even worse by telling me I had to forgive Chase if I ever wanted to hang out with her again.

“You know, Em. If you want to be with your boyfriend, why don’t you just go be with him? I mean, fuck what your friends think. If you love him, you love him. It seems to me I’d do pretty much anything for someone I loved, even if everyone else thought it was a bad idea.”

Her eyes searched my face. “That’s some solid advice, considering how drunk you are. I guess you really can’t help who you fall in love with, right?”

“Exactly.”

She nodded to herself once. “I think I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

I watched her walk away, sliding past couples, bodies brushing up against hers, and I sighed. She looked about as confused as I felt.

EM

Holy. Crap. Bawling in a bar? In front of Ronan freaking Pearse for God’s sake. What the hell was wrong with me? That would’ve been a new low.

I swung the bathroom door open and waited in line. One girl stood crying her eyes out near the hand dryer. Another’s friends tried to convince her to leave because she’d fallen off a stool while trying to dance on the bar, and everyone else just looked as if they had to go to the bathroom. Like. Now.

The old “escape to the bathroom” routine wasn’t one of my finer moments, but I hadn’t seen or talked to Ronan in four months. Dumping all my problems on him didn’t sound like a very good plan. He had way more baggage than I did anyway. Kyle, Chase, freaking Kelsey. God, he must have thought I was so pathetic.

I fired up my phone after rolling my eyes at the long-ass line. Two texts from Nate waited for me. My heart jumped. I looked first at the time stamp. He hated when I didn’t respond right away. Dammit. He’d texted at six o’clock. It had to be going on eleven now. He was pissed. I knew it before reading the texts.

The first one read: I miss you. The second had a more pissy tone. All right, it was far past a little pissy. That one read: What the hell? Where are you? This is the only way we can talk to each other and you’re going to ignore me? You better not have gone out.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I wished I could call him, but he’d be able to tell I wasn’t home. The music in this damn bar thumped from even three blocks away. I sent him a quick text instead: Sorry. Phone was on the charger. I miss you, too!

The line moved ahead after some flushing and doors banging against the partitions. The girl next to me sighed. “This line’s the worst.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, scrolling through Twitter on my phone. My friend Manda, who stumbled around the bar somewhere, had posted a picture of the bartender’s abs. I knew they were the bartender’s abs because she tweeted: Whoa. Barteners abbss

The girl turned a scowl at the bathroom door. “I just saw my ex out there so I’m hiding. Of course. I’m trying to have a good time and he screws it up.”

“Know the feeling. I just had girl talk with my friend’s ex-boyfriend—who she dumped. He doesn’t need to hear my problems.”

She smiled so I kept going. Knowing when to stop talking was never a strong suit of mine. “My friends brought me here because they think I’m so in love with this boy who’s totally wrong for me. Like, what do they expect me to do? Go do it with someone else while he’s away?”

One of the stall doors opened and banged again. My fellow line sufferer rolled her eyes with me in solidarity and quickly moved into the small stall.

With no one else to talk to, I turned to my phone again, and scrolled through the texts. None from Nate yet. He was probably too furious to type. I found Kelsey’s name and shot her off a quick one: Bear’s here.

Her immediate reply read: No way. I’m coming. I’ll be right there. We just finished moving everything in!! We’ll celebrate two things tonight!

Shit. I didn’t think she’d want to come. I hesitated, my thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Screw it. I wrote: You think that’s a good idea?

This reply didn’t take long, either: He’s had time. He needs to get over it.

Oh, yeah. Like that was going to work. Words didn’t magically erase everything.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket. Maybe I shouldn’t have texted her. It was about to get a hell of a lot more awkward for Ronan, which he didn’t seem to need. Plus, Kelsey agreed with Tina and the others. She was totally on board the Hate Nate wagon.

Sure, Nate and I had our ups and downs but…whatever. It was my decision. No one else’s. And if I wanted to be with Nate, I was going to be with freaking Nate, just like Ronan said.

When the next stall opened, I stepped out of line and went right for the sink. The girl behind me shuffled in and immediately said, “Ew.”

After tweaking my hair a bit, I walked out of the bathroom and leaned against the wall on the other side. Through spaces between walking and dancing bodies, I saw Ronan talking to Tina. She grabbed his arms and used her flirty smile.

Poor Ronan. I needed to save him. At least I could help in the Tina department. Kelsey? I wasn’t so sure.

Chapter Two

BEAR

RONAN

Talk about crazy. Em’s friend, Tina, propositioned me. Not for herself, but for Em. These girls were nuts.

“Whoa, you all right?” she asked. She gripped my arms hard to steady me. “I thought you were going over for a second.”

“I’m fine,” I grumbled. Where the hell was Em? At least she and I could talk about things that actually meant something.

Tina smiled and wrapped her fingers around my bicep. “I know that all just came out weird but thanks for dancing with Em. Her ex-boyfriend’s a real dick and she can’t see it. She’s so stuck up his ass. We wanted her to get out and have some fun without him. She needs fun.”

Yeah? Me too. I also needed to talk to a sane person.

After that, I watched the space in the crowd where Em had disappeared until she came walking back. Before I could excuse myself from Tina to go tell Em I was about to get the hell out of there¸ another body intercepted her. A hand curled around her waist.

Hell, I recognized the guy. Jimmy Foster. Linebacker from school. He had a Chase Crowley reputation. Oh, hell no. Em scowled at him, but it didn’t look like Foster was taking the hint.

I smiled an apology to Tina then walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. “My turn.”

He twisted his oily face toward me, his hands still around her waist. “Bear…hey. What up? Haven’t seen you out in a while.”

He let go of her long enough to shake my hand. I stole a glance at Em, who frowned in my direction. I didn’t know if it meant “save me,” or “get the hell away from me,” but since she hadn’t shut up about her boyfriend, I was going to go with my initial thought.

“Mind if I steal your partner?” I asked.

“I do, actually. We just started dancing. Maybe you can have next song.”

He patted me on the back like a child. Like I annoyed him.

“Listen, Foster…”

“I said, next song, Bear.” He spat out my nickname. The name only my friends were supposed to use.

Okay. I’d tried acting like the nice guy. “Don’t call me Bear,” I growled.

“Huh?” He leaned over and placed his ear near my mouth. “Can’t hear you. Music’s too loud.”

I wanted to smash his ear so hard it came out the other side of his skull. If he paid attention to any of her physical cues, he’d realize she didn’t want to dance with his stupid ass. Guys like Foster—like Chase— made me sick. “Call me Bear again and I’ll kick the shit out of you.”

Foster jumped back, as did a bunch of other people standing near, including Em. Maybe I’d said it louder than I meant to. Whatever. Only my friends could call me Bear, and since I didn’t have any friends at the moment, no one should’ve been calling me Bear.

Em reached for me. “Okay. Fun and games are over. No more alcohol for you.”

Foster stood a good foot away, rubbing his ear. “Dude. What’s your problem, Bear? Chill man.”

I clenched my hands into fists. Em was on me in a second, blocking Foster’s body with her own. “Ronan, you’re going Hulk-like with crazy. You’ve had way too much to drink. Let’s get you home.”

We turned, Em’s hands around my waist now. Finn had already made his way through the crowd toward us. “You okay, bro?” His eyes were hard, and he was jumpy, strung tighter than a pressure coil. That’s what big brothers were good for. He had my back. Always.

“I’m good. Just a little miscommunication with an old friend.”

Em’s eyebrow shot upward.

I smiled then chuckled the more surprised she looked. “What? It was a miscommunication.”

Em shook her head. “If you say so.”

I pointed to Finn. “This is my brother. I don’t think you were properly introduced before.”

Em appraised him and then turned to me. “I know you have brothers. We went to school together, remember?”

Ha. I’d never seen a girl dismiss Finn like that. Apparently, neither had he.

He pulled out his woman-melting smile. “Finn Pearse. Nice to meet you. If you’re looking for a good time, I’m the brother you want. This one can’t seem to have fun to save his life and the other two are already pussy-whipped.”

Em’s eyebrows climbed again at Finn’s drunken attempt at flirting. She hiked a thumb toward me. “I’m going to help Ronan get home before he turns green and starts calling himself Bruce Branner.” She turned toward me. “Stay here? I’ll say good-bye to my friends, take you home, and then call my boyfriend.”

At the word boyfriend, Em smiled at my brother. I nodded, then Finn and I watched her walk away before he said, “I’m out, too. I got a date with white dress and I’m going to enjoy myself.” We hugged it out and he whispered in my ear, “I can’t believe you’re passing her up. She’s gorgeous.”

“She’s also taken, numb nuts, or does your brain just automatically skip over the word boyfriend? Quit thinking with your small head all the time.”

“You should try my way. You’d have a hell of a lot more fun.” He glanced over my shoulder, face pulling taut. “You know what? On second thought, I should make sure you guys get back to the apartment okay.”

“Dude. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it.” I punched him playfully in the arm. “Shouldn’t you find your date and get out of here? I take it you’re going to her place?”

“She’s hot, but…” He looked past my shoulder again, eyes scanning. “…I’m just not feeling it tonight. Let’s go.”

I followed his gaze into the crowd. “What’s going on?”

At the moment my body went rigid, so did his. Chase. He was here. They were here.

They danced together, smiling and happy. My heart flew into my throat, and, like the time at the diner, I felt as if someone slapped me. Not in the balls, which you might expect from seeing an ex out with a new guy, but like someone literally slapped me in the face. It was a wake-up call. She shouldn’t be with him. She and I? We were supposed to be in this shit together. “Son of a bitch.”

“Let’s go, Ronan.”

I searched the bar for Em. She sat on a stool next to Tina, gesturing wildly. Finn tugged my sleeve and I followed. I hadn’t seen Em in a while. I didn’t owe her a good night or anything else. Finn was perfectly capable of getting me home okay.

Mere feet from the door, I heard the scream. The sound pinned me in place. Whirling, I saw a frenzy of clothes and arms taking over the dance floor. For a second I couldn’t move. Kelsey was yelling, “Stop,” over and over again. I ran to her, Finn on my heels.

Locked in a clinch, Chase grappled with some guy. Kelsey reached for me, her hands shaking as she tugged on my shirt. Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Make them stop. He’s hurting him.”

Ah, hell. I fisted the first piece of clothing I found and pulled. Finn grabbed an arm and tugged.

He’d pulled Chase away. Thankfully. I didn’t know if I might not have thrown him right back in again.

Drips of blood ran from his nose, and his hair sat like a wild nest on his head. His chest heaved, pure heat radiated from his eyes. “Don’t you ever fucking say that to her again.”

The guy in my grip laughed, his shoulders jumping. “If I’d known she’d fuck anything, I would have tried harder in high school.”

I spun the asshole around. Jeff fucking Clover. Kelsey’s first boyfriend. I grabbed the front of his shirt in my hands and yanked him to me. “Watch what you say, motherfucker.”

His eyes rounded. “Shit. Bear. I didn’t know it was you.”

Kelsey ran to Chase and threw her arms around him.

“You can’t be happy about this either.” Jeff shoved my hands away and straightened his clothes. “What the hell is she doing with him?”

Chase’s hands tangled in Kelsey’s hair, comforting her. Soothing her.

“She’s fucking lost it,” Jeff said.

I pushed him further from me. “That’s not an opinion for you to have.”

Chase held Kelsey away at arm’s length and cupped her face. His lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. She nodded, her cheeks glistening with tears. The weirdest part? He handled it. When she turned toward us, the fear was gone and a calmness had settled over her.

An arm landed on my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Em stepped in front of us as Finn pulled me along beside him. “You okay?” she asked. Her eyes flitted from me to Chase and Kelsey behind me.

When I didn’t answer, Finn said, “He’s fine. I just have to get him out of here.”

Again, I was feet from the door when a small hand touched my arm.

When I turned, I saw Kelsey, Chase only a few steps behind her. “Thank you, Bear. Jeff was being a jerk and Chase—”

There were so many things I could have said to her. Like, I didn’t give a fuck what Chase did or why he did it. But, he’d protected her. “Does that happen a lot?” I asked.

Chase swore and turned away.

Kelsey peeked back at him. “Not…a lot,” she said.

A barreling inferno rolled inside my body. I was pissed off at the world for putting me in this position where I didn’t understand anything. Why people made the decisions they did. Why things had to change in the first place. This world sucked.

Em appeared again. She smiled at Kelsey, took my arm, and led me away, Finn on my other side.

Once outside the bar, I could breathe again. I yanked from Finn’s grasp. “Why the hell are you treating me like a child?”

He looked to Em for help but she just shrugged. “You looked like you were about to kill somebody in there. I thought you were going to deck that kid.”

“He called Kelsey a slut.”

Finn stepped up to me, eyes flaring. “Chase had it handled.”

“She asked me to help.”

“Don’t be stupid.” He ran his hands through his hair. “You’re—”

Em walked between us. “Boys, boys, boys. Chill out. Everyone’s fine. Finn, if you can get yourself home, I’ll make sure Ronan gets to his place. You’re both drunk and about to say something horrible to each other.”

Finn hesitated, glancing from me to the entrance to the bar.

“I got him. Promise,” she said. “Don’t worry.”

He nodded once, and Em led me away.

The brisk evening air was like a snowstorm in my lungs compared to the compressed, heated air of the bar. It cleared my head. Fucking A. Chase and Kelsey. Together. She was so worried about him, too. And what the fuck did she mean “not a lot”? She didn’t say never. She didn’t say that was the first time. She needed to realize people were going to be pissed at Chase. Just because she’d forgiven him didn’t mean everyone else would. Nor should they, if they didn’t want to.

Em touched my arm, pulling me from my thoughts. She stared up at me, her eyes round. I knew she probably wanted to talk about it so I said the first thing that came to mind that didn’t involve the words Chase or Kelsey. “Did you drive?”

“No. We walked from my friend’s house.”

Good. I could use a walk to clear everything. “My apartment’s only a couple blocks from here.”

“I know,” she said, gazing at me with her big gray eyes. “Almost everything is only a couple blocks from here, in case you’ve forgotten where we live.” She slipped an arm around my waist when I stumbled forward. “How much help do you need, drunkard?”

I chuckled, then stopped myself. It wasn’t funny really. I needed a lot of fucking help. Not that I’d tell her that. “I can handle myself.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” Her eyes glittered with laughter.

When I met her stare, her gaze immediately lowered to the ground, and she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked as if her mind was a million miles away, and I wondered if that was what I looked like all the time. More often than not nowadays, I got lost inside my head. It was better that what was in front of me.

“I’m sorry that happened tonight.”

It took me a minute to realize she meant Chase and Kelsey. I was stuck on the fact that pretty much everything had started to suck since Finn and I walked into the bar. Her grip around me tightened as I stumbled up the apartment steps. After a few tries, I got the door unlocked and immediately lay down on the couch. My eyes closed, like normal, and I’d already started wishing for a better day tomorrow when Em’s voice cut into my dreams.

“I am sorry,” she said.

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. “It isn’t your fault they showed up.”

Silence.

I peeked at her. She was cringing. “I didn’t think she’d come.”

My head spun. “What?”

“I texted Kelsey that you were at the bar, but I didn’t think she’d actually come over.”

In a weird way, I’d thought we’d kind of connected over our unhappiness. I should’ve known Em would take Kelsey’s side over mine. That I couldn’t get one night of peace. That Finn was wrong when he said I needed to return to the living. This world was a complete mess.

Thoughts swirling inside, I stared at Em’s upset face, not caring one bit. “I really don’t have the energy, nor the fucking patience, to deal with any more bullshit in my life. Thank you for helping me home but you can leave now.”

Em’s mouth opened then closed before she slowly turned and left, clicking the door shut softly behind her.

Chapter Three

EM

Red Bull, Monster, and 5-Hour Energy were my friends. I never would have made it past the Pennsylvania state line without them, let alone all those states between here and…wherever the hell I was now.

Oh, right. I remembered the last corny road sign. WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA. SMILING FACES. BEAUTIFUL PLACES. South Carolina needed a new marketing director. First order of business: making more roadside facilities. I couldn’t remember when I’d seen the last one, and I had to go. Now. A sign for a rest area whizzed by on my right. Actual facilities or not, I was stopping and going somewhere.

Even though Ronan may have been pissed at me, he was right. If I wanted to see Nate, I should do it. I wasn’t going to let my friends, or his parents, get in the way anymore. I’d left the peer pressure and negativity a few hundred or so miles behind me. The image of Nate’s face when I pulled up to his family’s vacation home kept my foot steady on the gas pedal, and I hadn’t looked back. He’d be surprised, for sure.

I pulled into the rest area and practically did a happy dance when I saw a porta potty off to the side near some picnic tables. This was a good sign, I told myself as I ran—awkwardly—with my legs firmly clamped together. Despite the fact I had to hold my breath the entire time I was in the blue box, I’d call it a win. At least they had toilet paper.

The day was hot and sunny, and my shirt stuck to me by the time I made it back to the car. I pulled out my phone and noticed there were several missed calls. Damn.

Hmmm. Tina. Tina. Tina. They were all from Tina.

I tapped her name and held the phone to my ear.

“So you are alive?”

I leaned up against the car and winced when the back sides of my knees hit the hot metal. “Of course I’m alive. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I tried to call you like five-hundred times.”

I barely contained an eye roll. “Unless my phone is malfunctioning, I counted three.”

She laughed. “You know I suck at math. But enough of that nonsense. Please tell me that hunky, muscly man screwed your brains out last night.”

I gasped. “Tina!”

She was equally surprised at my outburst. “What? It’s a legit question. You told me last night you had the hots for him in high school. Please, please, please, tell me you made your cheerleader/football player fantasy come true. Were there pompoms involved?”

And I thought I was bad. Jesus. She needed a holy person and stat. “How do you always get me to tell all my secrets? I helped Ronan home because he was drunk. Not because he has muscles. Or a chin dimple. Or because I used to have a crush on him. Or any of the other reasons why I should sleep with him that you listed last night. I also have a boyfriend, a fact of which you are well aware.”

She groaned. “Some boyfriend.”

I tucked one hand around my middle. “He couldn’t help it his parents didn’t want me to go. It’s not his fault.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.”

I sucked in a breath. That stung. A lot. I closed my eyes. Nate was hovering over me again. Right after he’d…he’d…

Tina’s tiny voice interrupted my thoughts. “That was low. I’m sorry.”

My eyes fluttered open and I told myself everything was okay. Everything was just peachy. “So, what are you up to today?”

She sighed. “You’re not even going to acknowledge I said anything? All right, then I guess we’ll both keep acting like nothing happened.”

My heart hammered inside my chest. I wished I hadn’t told her. Kelsey would’ve been the best person to tell, but she was going through her own stuff. I didn’t want to bother her. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “No. No, I’m not going to acknowledge that because you swore you’d never mention it again after I made my decision.”

After several long-ass seconds, an oomph came over the line and I imagined her dropping backward onto her bed. “Are we going out tonight or what? Do you want me to call Muscles?”

So, she’d relented. Partly. She still wanted me to get naked with another guy, though. Which meant she definitely wasn’t going to be happy about my last minute trip. Not by a long shot.

I thought about lying. A story about my dad needing help would work, but she knew he was gone on one of his extended truck driving trips. I could tell her Kelsey invited me over to her and Chase’s new apartment. But then what Ronan said to me at the bar pushed all my other thoughts away.

Screw what everyone else had to say. I was going to do what I wanted to do. “I can’t because I’m on my way to Tybee Island to surprise Nate.”

“You’re what?”

I tore the phone away. I’d be lucky if I could hear a Mack truck slamming into a mountain with that ear anymore. I switched sides and took a deep breath to calm myself. “I’m in South Carolina right now. I only have a couple more hours of driving left before I see him.”

It was hard to keep the excitement from my voice. Sure, we hadn’t exactly had a perfect past but he seemed to be doing better lately. He loved me. I couldn’t wait to be lying on the beach with him, a few feet away from the ocean. The. Ocean. The urge to scream bubbled up inside me. I’d never set one foot in the ocean before. This was going to be awesome.

Tina’s tight voice interrupted my happy thoughts. “Does he know you’re coming? When did you decide this?”

Maybe I hadn’t consciously made the decision, but by the time I’d walked home and seen my car just sitting unused in the driveway, I went upstairs and slept for a few hours to sober up. When I woke, my mind was clear. I threw some clothes in a bag and walked out. Once I sat in the driver’s seat, the car kind of drove onto I-95 South by itself. I giggled into the phone. This was the most romantic thing I’d ever done. “Early this morning. I miss him.”

“Okay…when the happy sighing starts, I’m out. I love you, but I just can’t, Em. Make sure you text me when you get there safe. And stay that way while you’re there, too. ’Kay?”

Her words were laced with an underlying message I recognized all too well. One she felt she needed to tell me all the time and that I hated to hear. I should never have told her. “Sure thing.”

I hung up and thought about sending Nate a text, but keeping secrets was never really my thing, either. I’d blab for sure.

The next couple of hours flew by. Georgia was nice, from what I saw of it. I couldn’t stop smiling, imagining how happy Nate would be and how good it would feel to be near him again. He’d already been gone a week and I missed him so much.

Since I’d once been invited on the trip, I had the address and directions to the house. I’d also done enough research to know exactly where I needed to go. I even planned out the perfect beach spots for us to visit and the restaurants we would try. When I hit the bridge to Tybee Island, I rolled down the window and sniffed the sea air. A fresh, salty breeze invaded the car. It would just be a matter of minutes now.

I parked next to the house they rented and pulled down the sun visor. Holy dark circles under my eyes. But tomorrow I could sleep. Tonight would be about Nate. I practically ran to the door I was so freaking giddy.

I didn’t have anything planned, only my fingers crossed that he would answer and not one of his parents. When the door finally opened, I relaxed. He looked so handsome. Board shorts covered his lower half while a thin tank top showed off his slim figure. I jumped up and down on my tiptoes. “Hi!”

His face fell. Just those tiny muscle movements sent me into a spiral of worry and regret. It would have felt better to throw my head into a brick wall.

I rocked back on my heels. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

His jaw ticked. “What are you doing here?”

If I’d learned anything from being with Nate, speaking the truth, softly and to the point, helped. A lot. “I missed you.”

He looked behind him and then stepped out on the porch, closing the door. “What the hell, Em? You’re supposed to be home.”

I took an unconscious step back. Why was it always so, so hard? I’d driven miles to be with him. He could at least pretend to be happy to see me.

I tried to smile, but the truth was, my temper was about to spike. When both our tempers were in the mix, it never ended well for me. “I was home really, really early this morning but then I decided home sucked without you.”

He dragged his hands down his face and then shot his hand out. You would think I’d have learned by now, but I wasn’t quick enough. His fingers tightened around my arm until the skin under his fingernails turned white. “Why can’t you ever just listen?”

His pupils were little pinpricks and blotchy red marks temporarily marred his cheeks. His skin drew so tight over his features he looked like a ghost of his true self.

“Nate, I—”

“That’s all I ever want from you, but you don’t follow even simple instructions. Do you realize how irritating that is? Do you understand how embarrassing it is to have a girlfriend who does the opposite of what you tell her to, all the time?”

I grasped his hand to tell him he was hurting me. “I know you’re worried about your parents, but I just figured I’d grab a hotel room in town if they didn’t want me to stay in the house. It’s no big deal.”

Impossibly, his eyes hardened even more. “They don’t want you to stay? I don’t want you to stay. If I wanted you here, you’d be here already. What don’t you get? I wanted you to stay home.”

I sucked in a breath as his fingers pressed into my skin like knives. Before trying to pry him off me, I rubbed his hand to soothe him. “It’s okay. I’ll leave.”

The door behind us whipped open, and for a split second, I almost hid behind him so his parents wouldn’t pitch a fit. But instead of a middle-aged man or lady, Donnie stood there, hand still on the doorknob. Donnie Freaking Germaine. Nate’s frat brother. I tore my arm from Nate’s grasp and winced when his nails dragged across my skin, cutting me. I would have a hell of a scratch there.

“Hey, Donnie,” I said, my gaze locking on Nate’s.

His frat brother’s eyebrows shot upward. “Oh shit.”

Oh shit was right. Stupid lying mother— Ah! It was my turn to flip out now. “What the hell, Nate? You said you were with your parents.”

Nate half turned toward Donnie, who had the door shut within half a second. Taking a peek around the yard, he grabbed my arm again and pulled me to the side of the house where we couldn’t be seen.

I struggled against him. “Let go of me.”

He pushed me against the siding. His forearm lay across my throat, bearing down on me. No air. It had been sucked out of everywhere.

“Look what you just did. Fuck. Now Donnie knows you’re here.”

Anger burned through me. I grasped his arm, finding a space to breathe. “Big deal. What? Am I intruding on something? Do you have girls over? Is that what this is?”

His lips curled into a wicked smile. “I could get any girl I wanted, and you fucking know it. You should see the way they look at me, and, damn, are they sexy. They don’t have this little pudge you refuse to get rid of.”

He squeezed my stomach so hard I cried out. The more I tried to push him away, the heavier he sank his weight onto me. Heat bloomed behind my eyes, and I willed myself not to cry.

Don’t do it. Don’t do it. You’re stronger than this.

But hell, if nothing else, he was hurting me.

“Get off me,” I spat.

He stepped back, eyes laughing. To him, he’d won. As if our relationship was a big game and hurting me was the goal. I resisted the urge to lift my shirt. Even without looking, I knew he’d left a bruise on me. If he saw the proof of his anger, it would only set him off again.

I brushed my hair out of my face and straightened my top. “I’m sorry I came.”

He huffed. “Not more sorry than I am.”

I walked past him and did the stupidest thing. My pride made me do it because it sure as hell wasn’t my brain. My brain knew better.

I clipped his shoulder.

He hadn’t defeated me. At least, that was what I wanted him to think. I’d been wrong though. He had. The shocking pain of my ass striking the concrete made it clear.

I scrambled backward, tears now rolling down my face. “You told me you’d never do that again. You promised.”

He shook his head. “You told me you’d quit acting like a dumb bitch, but you haven’t.”

My breath hitched inside me. Images of the time before and the time before that came rushing back. I didn’t want to be one of those stupid girls.

I raised my hands. “I’m just going to get up and leave. Okay, Nate? That’s it. I’m going to walk to my car, get in it, and go back home.”

“And when I call you, you’re going to be there. None of this calling me back later bullshit. And when I text, I expect you to respond within a couple minutes, not hours. Is that clear?”

I nodded, my head wobbling around on my shoulders as if I had no real control. He held out his hand, helped me up, and then slid his arm around my waist while he walked me toward the car. He squeezed and his fingers were a little too close to the searing pain in my stomach. I didn’t make a face, didn’t react.

He leaned over, his breath hitting my skin as he whispered, “I did miss you though.”

I nodded as he pecked my forehead and held my hand as I got into the driver’s seat. He waved and I did the same. It wasn’t until after I couldn’t see the house in the rearview mirror anymore that I let the pain overtake me. Tears fell free and unrestrained down my face.

How stupid of me to think he’d actually stop.

I drove around until the tears were nothing but dried streaks on my cheeks. After stopping at a red light, I decided to start heading back home. It’d be one hell of a drive, and I’d be super tired, but the last thing I wanted to do was stay here. I’d pulled down the visor to catch my reflection and rub out the raccoon eyes when something ran into the middle of the road.

“Shit!” I swerved, catching sight of a wagging tail. I’d managed to miss the cute dog but drove up onto the curb instead. The car didn’t make a very good sound. I was no mechanic, but I’d say it was a broken noise.

Up ahead, a sign for a hotel swung on the breeze. I pulled into the parking lot. Air hissing from my passenger-side tire greeted me as soon as I opened the car door. Double shit. I kicked the tire, but halfway into the motion I remembered I was wearing flip-flops. When I tried to pull the kick, I ended up grazing the metal of the car. “Dammit!” I hopped up and down and then slid to the pavement.

A fresh round of tears spilled down my face. This was officially the worst day of my life. I slid my flip-flop off and rubbed my skin to try and ease the pain. If only that worked for my heart. Hell, if it worked for my brain, I’d do that, too. I was so stupid to think Nate would change. It had never been that bad, but I’d always made excuses the other times. I was being a bitch. Or, he just grabbed me harder than he meant to. Or, he was so angry he didn’t know what he was doing.

This was my fault. Not because I deserved to be treated like that but because I hadn’t put an end to it sooner.

After a few minutes I took the phone from my pocket and stared at my contacts. No way was I calling Tina. She’d help me, sure, but I really didn’t want to listen to the Nate rant. To her telling me “I told you so.” No, I needed to call someone who had no idea Nate had hit me before. I hated to bother Kelsey because she’d been so happy and busy with Chase lately but by the third time I went through my contacts list, she was the one viable option.

“Hey, you,” she said.

I caught my breath, tried to sound as normal as possible, and promptly failed. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong?”

Kelsey had a way of speaking where all of her attention was on you and nowhere else. It made me tear up again. “Currently, I am sitting on hot ass pavement near Savannah, Georgia, right next to my car tire, which seems to have gone flat.”

“Oh no. What happened? And why are you in Georgia? Did you drive down to see Nate?”

I sighed. “Yes, but it didn’t go so well.” Understatement of the century. “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t ask him to help me. After I left, there was an incident with a dog and the car. But Snoopy’s fine and I’m fine. I’m just stuck.” In Georgia. All by myself.

A quick peek around told me no one had noticed me yet, which was good. I was sure I looked like a freaking mess. But even more than that, I didn’t know anybody here. What if there were horrible people nearby? What if they tried to hurt me?

“It’s going to be fine. Take some deep breaths. Get yourself presentable, okay?”

I nodded into the phone and wiped at my face. Tissues would have been nice. I wondered if I had any more of those drive-thru napkins in my glove compartment. They always came in handy.

“Find me the address where you’re at. I’ll search for nearby garages.”

I stood and brushed off the butt of my jeans. While looking around for a road sign, I found something much better. “No need. There’s a garage kitty-corner from where I’m standing.”

“Good. Go there, have them look at your car, and call me back.”

After hanging up with Kelsey, I slid into the front seat and checked my face. It wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t good, either, but at least it wasn’t horrible. A napkin from the glove compartment helped the raccoon eyes.

As soon as I walked into the garage, intuition told me there’d be no help for me there. They sized me up the minute I strode in with my flip-flops and Hawaiian skirt. They knew—and I knew—I would have no clue what they were talking about.

A short check of my car later, the mechanic said it would be six hundred dollars. Six. Hundred. Dollars. I was a freaking college student. I didn’t have the money. And I’d die before I told my dad I drove to Georgia to visit my boyfriend. He’d been ecstatic when the trip got cancelled.

Rational Kelsey tried to talk it out after I called her with the news. “Okay, you can’t ask Nate for help. That’s fine. What about his parents? Surely they wouldn’t want you stuck there.”

I swallowed. “He’s not with his parents. He’s with his frat brothers.”

The phone was silent for a while. When Kelsey finally did start talking, her voice was strained. “All right. Would one of them help you? You’ve been dating Nate for a while. I’m sure you’ve made friends with a couple of his friends.”

I thought about the names in my contact list. Sure, I had a few of their numbers only because Nate sometimes used my phone. If I called one though, Nate would show up, too. “That’s not an option. I am out of options. I don’t have enough money. I’m not calling my dad. I’m sure as hell not getting Nate involved and you’re all the way up north. I’m screwed.”

Tears pricked my eyes again. I was about to lose it. How did I get myself into this mess? It was Ronan. He was the one who’d gotten me all hyped up about doing what I wanted and seeing who I wanted.

No. It wasn’t him. He was right about not caring what others think. I was the one who’d made the wrong choice in Nate. I was the idiot.

Kelsey’s voice softened. “I’d come get you if I could. Crap. Who else is there?”

Nobody. There was nobody.

“I can call Bear,” she said suddenly. “He works for his dad so he can get time off work, no problem. And he can look at your car there and possibly fix it.”

Kelsey kept on with how he was the perfect solution but I tuned her out. Ronan didn’t need this bullshit in his life. Isn’t that what he’d said last night? He was not an option, either.

“And what?” I asked, slamming my hand on the steering wheel. “You’re going to ask him to drive all the way here to fix my car? You guys hadn’t seen each other in months up until last night and look how well that turned out.”

“I know. But Bear has the biggest heart of anyone. He’ll do it. I would, but I have those summer classes. Chase has work. You said you won’t ask Tina for some reason, so tell me who else you think will come get you.”

“Someone not named Ronan Pearse. Maybe I’ll just take the bus home.”

She sighed. “And leave your car there? Yeah, that’s smart.”

“I’ll have it towed.”

“With what money?”

I laid my head on the steering wheel. “What do you want me to say?”

She took a minute to answer. “You can call Nate or one of the frat brothers. That’s your only option besides Bear.”

“No.”

“He’s—”

I gritted my teeth. “Not an option.”

“I’m calling him.”

“Kelsey, I—” Empty air met me.

A little while later, she sent me a text: Send me the name of the hotel. He’s coming. He’s already in his truck and on the way so you better give me the address.

Fuck my life.

RONAN

Fuck my life. This was all Finn’s fault for guilting me into going out. If I hadn’t seen either of them last night, they wouldn’t have thought of me.

Of course, the encouragement from my father hadn’t helped my resolve to say no. He’d been standing nearby when I repeated in disbelief what Kelsey said. He’d taken the phone from my hand, covered the speaker, and said, “When your friends are in trouble, you help your friends.” The rest of the family jumped in to back him up. They told me to go, to get out of the apartment where I spent all my time. It would be an adventure, they said. To me it seemed I was getting the crap end of the deal. I was about to save Em’s ass when she hadn’t done anything but make my life more difficult.

A few states ago, I’d pulled over in an I-95 rest area to catch a few hours of sleep. Some psychopath could’ve murdered me and I never would’ve seen it coming. Maybe everyone would’ve been sorry then for forcing me into this adventure.

When I got off the interstate, I shot Em a text so she’d know I was close. Then I followed the directions my phone gave me in that annoying mechanical voice. Twenty minutes later, I hung a right into the parking lot of the address Kelsey had texted me, Em sat on the trunk of her car looking worse than she had at the bar. She had her face in her hands, seeming defeated. It reminded me of how I felt every damn second of the day.

Except today. I was fucking exhausted and not in the mood. Any other day I might have felt sorry for her, but not this day. Not when she was the reason I was tired as hell.

She straightened when I jumped out of the truck. “I told her not to ask you. I’m sorry.”

This was the second time in forty-eight hours she’d apologized to me. Without sparing her another glance, I knelt in front of the passenger-side tire. Figured. It couldn’t have been something easy.

“How bad is it?”

I stared up at her. “You bent the shit out of the rim. There’s no way you’re going to drive on it.”

Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and she gulped. “I don’t have the money to fix it.”

“And let me guess, they told you it’d be super expensive and days before they could get the parts and all that nonsense?”

Em nodded.

It was a typical out-of-towner response. They were looking to make a quick buck on someone who desperately needed the repair. Not that we did that kind of thing at my dad’s garage. He built his reputation on being fair and honest.

“I’m glad I borrowed my dad’s tow truck, then.”

“You can’t fix it?”

I stood, wiping my hands on my jeans, which were dirty from examining the tire. “I can. But I need a lift, and tools, and to order you a new rim. I can do none of that here.”

Em pulled her hands through her hair. “Well, what am I going to do? Ride with you?”

I hiked my thumb over my shoulder. “Unless you want me to drop you off at the nearest Greyhound station. I think I passed one a few hundred miles back while I was coming to help your ass.”

Em bit her lip. So maybe it was an asshole thing to say but she could at least act appreciative.

Screw it. I couldn’t deal with this shit right now. Leaving her to stare at the tire, I started preparing the truck, then her car, and when I’d secured the last pin into the bracket around the wheels, I turned to her and said, “I’m going to need to get some sleep. I can do that here, or on the way.”

“I can drive. I got a room here last night so I’m all rested up.”

“You can’t drive the truck with your car towed from the back.”

She looked down at her feet. “Oh.”

Taking a few seconds to gather my thoughts, I watched her toe a pebble out of the way with her flip-flops. “I just mean it’s different than driving your regular car,” I said. “It takes some getting used to.”

Her shoulders sagged. “Fine. I want to get the hell out of here, please.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “The sooner the better.”

Sounded like a plan considering I didn’t want to be here in the first place. “Get in. We’re stopping along the way, though.”

As soon as the driver’s side door closed behind me, her cell rang. She took one look at the screen, ignored the call, and powered her phone down. I wasn’t a mind reader, but that had to have been her boyfriend calling. What the hell happened between them? She’d really missed him just the other day, and now she wouldn’t even take his calls?

Whatever it was, I was still pissed I’d gotten dragged into the middle of it.

Chapter Four

EM

Fifty-three.

That was how many times Nate tried to call since he sent me away. I’d listened to the first ten or so voicemails—curiosity had gotten the better of me—but when he started to say things like, “Answer this phone or else.” I was done. I’d kept it on in case Kelsey or Ronan needed to contact me but now that I was with Ronan, I figured I didn’t need it anymore. I didn’t have to listen to any of his horrible messages or feel my stomach drop every time the phone buzzed, chirped, or rang.

Ronan drove in angry silence. His exhaustion level wasn’t all of it either. When he’d pulled up, he hadn’t looked like the hero coming to save the fair maiden. He’d looked tired, of course, but there was more to it. He looked withered, beaten down. So different from the guy I’d crushed on in high school. It was a lot to ask of him, driving to Georgia to come get me. But I also wasn’t the one who’d asked him. He should’ve been pissed at Kelsey if he was going to be pissed at anybody. I would never have asked him to do that for me, especially after what he said the other night. And here I was again, adding to his problems. It was like a guilt-ridden, never-ending circle.

The quiet ate at me. I didn’t need to relive the Nate moments any more than I already had, or dwell on the crap I’d put Ronan through. I’d dealt with enough. I just wanted to forget and start fresh. But the damn silence. It was too much. I thought of things to talk about but the only thing that really connected us was Kelsey, and she probably wasn’t a topic he’d want to explore at the moment. A huge ad on a billboard caught my attention and, needing to say something, anything, I decided to go with that. “Have you noticed how many Cracker Barrel signs there are on I-95? It’s ridiculous. I had no idea they were so popular.”

“Huh,” he grunted.

Okay, that went nowhere. “Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“Me either. Maybe we could stop?” Complete silence. “Well, not now of course, but we do have a long trip ahead of us. It’d be fun to say we went there.”

Absolutely nothing. He didn’t even throw me a bone. Boys sucked.

Wishing I could at least turn my phone on to distract me, I looked down at my nails and inspected them. “Do you need coffee or anything? A pit stop would be nice.”

He shifted to face me. “We’re barely out of Georgia and you already want to stop?”

I shrugged. “I’ll wait ’til you’re ready, I guess.”

He shook his head, a sly smile curving across his face.

Annoyance had me twisting toward him in the seat. “What?”

“I’m just wondering how long it took you to drive all the way here if you felt the need to stop every couple hours.”

I really hated the pompous smirk on his face. It reminded me of Nate. “I managed.”

He raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say a word. It was like he screamed at me with that one little motion.

He wondered how I was able to take the trip. After all, I was just a girl, how could I possibly drive down the East Coast all by my lonesome?

The worst part? He was sort of right. I was just a stupid girl who went to visit her dumbass boyfriend, got herself beat up, and fucked up her car.

I’d have to remember to thank Kelsey for finding me a hell of a ride home. The past two days couldn’t get any worse. It was as if I’d been stung by a nest full of hornets all at once, then afterward, one pesky little mofo still wouldn’t leave me alone. I closed my eyes and leaned against the glass. If I slept, I wouldn’t have to talk or think.

RONAN

The sound of the tires rumbling down I-95, uninterrupted by Em’s voice, struck me as odd. She was never one to keep quiet for long. She was like the Energizer Bunny. Had been as long as I’d known her. I peeked over and found her slumped against the car door. Her eyes were closed, her hair had fallen across her face, and her lips were parted slightly.

She was sleeping. No wonder it was silent inside the cab of the truck.

How did I get pulled into this again? Kelsey was never supposed to be mine or my responsibility. Hell, that was Finn talking through and through. If Kelsey had asked me to drive to the West Coast I’d have done it. I’d have done it, even if she wanted me to drive all the way to the Pacific and turn back for no fucking reason.

I owed Kyle pretty much everything. He saved me from a lifetime full of nothing. He didn’t know how much he’d done for me, though. I should’ve told him when I had the chance.

The bright afternoon sun made me squint, which made it hard to stay awake. I took the next exit and pulled up beside a gas station. Em looked so peaceful that I hated to wake her, but during her non-stop chatter earlier, she’d said she wanted a break. Taking the pit stop without her wasn’t an option.

I gripped her shoulder and shook. “Em?” She didn’t respond. I squeezed a little tighter and spoke up. “Em?”

Her muscles clenched and then she freaked. Literally. She pushed away and plastered herself against the door of the truck. Her eyes were glazed and unseeing but the fear in them was loud and clear. “Don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t touch me!”

She was trembling. Her entire body shook like an animal in those horrible pet rescue commercials with the gut-wrenching angel song.

My throat closed up with worry. “Em? You okay?”

She blinked a couple times and her eyes refocused. With a truly hopeless sigh, she sagged into the seat.

I reached toward her again. “Hey.”

She snatched her arm away and hugged herself.

With nothing else to do, I shut off the ignition and opened the door. If she didn’t want to talk, I wasn’t going to make her. Maybe she had night terrors and was too embarrassed to tell me. I turned back before I jumped down from the truck. “We’re making that pit stop you wanted about an hour or so ago.”

She nodded. Those eyes, they reminded me of Kelsey’s, and if I really looked deeper, they reminded me of something a little too close to home. Something I never wanted to revisit.

I jumped out of the truck like the damn thing was on fire. It didn’t make sense she would remind me of that. I’d buried it deep inside, pretending I could forget about it. But it was there all along, like my shadow on a sunny day but one that preferred to stay hidden until it was impossible to ignore.

I strode into the bathroom and shut the stall behind me. It was cold, and the whirring of the fan lulled me into a state where my emotions decided they were going to take over.

I missed Kyle so fucking much. A twinge of anger twisted my gut as a picture of Chase popped into my head. It was easy to push him away after what he’d done to Kyle but, dammit, he’d been there for me, too. Kyle helped me get out of my own way, but it was Chase who kept me there. The guy was fearless and didn’t give a crap what anyone thought. When I first met him, I wanted to be like him. I mimicked his attitude, and before long, I actually felt like I meant something.

My thoughts were akin to blasphemy. Chase didn’t deserve that recognition anymore. I slammed my palm against the metal stall door. “No.”

I did my business and then scanned the market area of the gas station for some lunch. Or at least something that might resemble lunch. I chose a turkey sub and was halfway to the cashier when I thought of Em and turned back around. If she hadn’t gotten out of the truck because she was dealing with…well, whatever the fuck she was dealing with…I could at least get her something to eat. Picking up another turkey sub, I examined the rest of the fridge and realized I had no clue what Em liked. I sifted through the other subs and found a ham and cheese to go along with the two turkey subs and then grabbed a water, a Gatorade, and two sodas. She’d have her pick.

Em’s hair was a blond curtain shielding her from my gaze as I made my way to the truck. When I pulled the door open, there was a bottle of water and a sub like the one I carried on my seat.

She hadn’t looked up yet, but I couldn’t stop the laugh that started in my gut. Hours of tense driving spilled out of me. I doubled over. When the laugh broke through the surface, she whipped around. I nodded toward my full hands. Her serious face softened and she laughed, too. Her head fell back against the seat, eyes tightly closed, her hand holding her middle, and she giggled the tension away.

When she finally stopped, her face looked more peaceful. She slid the sub and water to the center of the seat. “Why’d you buy so many?”

“I didn’t know what kind you liked.”

She shrugged. “I like anything.”

After dropping my stash, I turned the sub she’d bought me over until the label appeared. “Turkey, huh? How’d you know?”

“Same lunch in ninth grade.” Her cheeks flushed. “What’d you get me?”

“Well, you’ve got three choices: turkey, turkey, and ham.”

She pulled her sub apart and showed me the contents. Turkey. “I guess we were on the same wavelength. I’ll take one of those sodas off your hands, if you don’t mind, though. I could use the caffeine.”

“Have at it. I just grabbed what I could carry.”

Em twisted the cap off the soda and took a few long swigs from the bottle. She should have been in her own damn Pepsi commercial with the ‘Ahhh’ that dropped from her lips afterward. “That hit the spot.” She opened her sub again and discarded some of the lettuce onto the wrapper.

I liked this better than before. I’d been too rough on her when I first picked her up. Hundreds and hundreds of miles was a hell of a long time to stay upset with anybody, especially when that person was obviously distressed about something. We could at least fill the hours with talking.

“So, I noticed from the Lotto signs in there that we’re in South Carolina now. Where do you think you might want to stop for the night?”

I didn’t know if stopping was such a great idea anymore. Em seemed like she needed a good friend and her own bed. I carefully unwrapped my sub. “I don’t know. I’m tired but I also need to be at the shop helping my dad. We should play it by ear.”

Her eyes fell to the seat between us. “I’m sorry you came all this way for me. Kelsey should never have asked you to do it. And while I’m dishing out the apologies, I am really sorry about texting her the other night. I honestly didn’t think she’d come. I just knew she’d want to hear about you.”

Not wanting to discuss the whole Kelsey situation, I quickly changed the subject. “Can I ask what happened? You couldn’t stop talking about your boyfriend the other day, you drive all this way to see him, and now you can’t wait to get away from him?” When she sat silent, I was even more curious. I hated the haunted look in her eyes. “Was it his parents?”

She tucked her lip in her teeth and shook her head. Briefly, she opened her mouth—then shut it again so fast I swore I heard a chomp. “I can’t…right now.”

“You’re broken up then?”

Her words were steely. “Yes. And for good.”

After that, Em rolled her sandwich back up in the wrapper, laid her head against the window, and stared off into space again. No wonder she was so upset. Something huge must have happened. Like she’d driven all the way there just to get dumped. What an asshole. I ate quickly then started the big-ass truck. It vibrated to life underneath me, grounding me. As long as I had a purpose, I could do anything. And right now, my purpose was to get Em back home.

Chapter Five

EM

The South Carolina trees blended into North Carolina trees as Ronan maneuvered us down the highway. I probably did owe him some kind of an explanation, considering he’d driven all that way, no questions asked. When I came up with a good story that didn’t include what a stupid girl I was, I’d tell him that.

I hoped I hadn’t blown it already with that screaming bloody murder stunt. I was having a nightmare about my very ex ex-boyfriend. It was of the first time he got physical with me. I should’ve known better then. But I thought I could fix it, make him better. And the worst part, I even supposed a little bit of it was my own fault he got physical with me.

Like I said, stupid girl.

Thinking back, things with Nate had started to derail when he began making sarcastic comments about my weight. According to him, everything that touched my lips would make my hips wide and ass fat. Of course, wanting to be hot for my new boyfriend, I spent hours at the gym and ate rice cakes. I freaking hated rice cakes. They tasted like cardboard. Unconsciously, I rubbed my stomach where he’d grabbed me. It still hurt to touch. A quick glance at Ronan told me he was engrossed in the road. I lifted my shirt briefly. Damn. A big red and purple blotch. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I had the power to erase the bruise, and the incident, from my memory.

Kelsey once heard Nate say something to me about my weight, which was rare of him. He’d never say it in front of witnesses. I lied and told her he was trying to help me get into the bikini I kept talking about buying. The lie tasted bitter on my tongue but I doubted Kelsey noticed. She was in Chaseworld. Her life revolved around him.

“It must be hard for you to see Kelsey with Chase.”

The truck swerved a little, and I braced my hand on the door. Holy crap. Did I say that out loud? I dared a peek at the driver’s side. He looked like he wouldn’t touch that question in a hundred years.

I leaned against the door again, cursing my stupidity. We’d had a good run going where we were actually talking. Before I sank back into more depressing thoughts, Ronan cleared his throat. “It does. But for reasons you probably wouldn’t realize.”

I brought my feet up onto the seat and hugged my knees to my chest. The seat belt was biting at my neck but I didn’t care. “She told me about the ultimatum she gave you. I think it’s pretty crappy of her. She should let you heal at your own pace, without throwing a monkey wrench into the deal.”

His eyes flicked toward me but he said nothing.

“Is there a chance you could ever forgive him?”

His fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “Why do you think it was crappy of her to tell me that?”

I let my feet fall to the floor. “Okay. I love Kelsey. I really do. But she needs to understand that not everyone’s going to be as understanding as she is toward Chase. I mean, first she’s with you, then she’s with him, which she was all very vague about by the way, and then she’s telling you that she won’t see you anymore until you forgive Chase? It just doesn’t seem right.”

His eyes closed for too long to be safe while driving sixty-five miles per hour down a major highway. While towing a car. I touched his shoulder and he opened them again.

“It’s really hard to explain.”

Something I knew too much about. “I guess relationships are kind of complicated.”

He sat back and stretched, his arms locking straight into the steering wheel. “It’d be easier if I fully understood it myself.”

There was more truth in that statement than I’d ever heard. Who knew why we did the things we did in relationships? Our hearts told us one thing while our heads told us another. If I’d listened to my head a month ago, I wouldn’t be in North Carolina right now on this awesome road trip with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend.

The universe could be a bitch.

“Can we agree that we’re both dumb? I mean, in order to come get me, you drove all the way to freaking Georgia for your ex-girlfriend. And I drove all the way to Georgia for my now ex-boyfriend. We have got to be the two dumbest people alive.”

Ronan’s eyebrows pinched together and his grip tightened around the wheel. “I have my reasons, and they’re not dumb. Maybe yours are, but mine aren’t.”

A retort was about to pass my lips but I swallowed it down. What the hell could I say? I’d just been calling myself a stupid girl and I was a stupid girl. He’d realize he was being a stupid boy soon enough. I didn’t need to be the one to tell him.

His hands relaxed on the wheel. “Listen, I’m sorry, Em. Your reasons weren’t stupid. I don’t know what happened between you guys when you got there, but wanting to be with him because you cared for him wasn’t stupid. I shouldn’t have said that. I get defensive about my relationship with Kelsey.”

Once again, Ronan was putting the truth right in my face. The only thing I had to do was convince myself he was right.

RONAN

I’d never take a road trip with a female again. Or maybe just never with Em. She made me want to tell her the whole truth about my relationship with Kelsey. I’d never had that spill-my-guts feeling before. Acting on it wouldn’t be a good idea, either. There were only a few people in this world who knew what Kyle had asked of me. Me, Chase—and probably Kelsey now, since Chase had gotten his hooks into her—and of course, my family. They didn’t let me get away with any secrets anymore.

I couldn’t very well go telling everybody I’d done that for Kyle. It would make me look like an ass. Sometimes I wished I could let myself live again, like Finn was always telling me. But first, I’d have to start sharing my secrets.

Em mumbled, and I looked over. She was sleeping again. Her eyelids fluttered as she curled into the door a little more. Her shirt pulled up, exposing a bare stretch of skin that skirted along her tight jeans. Finn was right about one thing. Em was hot. I wasn’t sure when that had happened. She’d been the cute, annoying girl with glasses. Now she was grown up in a way I’d never really noticed before. We’d had a hell of a fun time at the bar before Kelsey showed. The way she’d looked in that dress? Damn, it was hard not to notice how much older she’d gotten. She’d also proven she could not only have fun, but talk about serious things, too. She was the one bright spot in that whole night, even if she did text Kelsey.

Em moaned. Holy. Shit. The sound went straight to my dick. I needed to stop picturing her in that revealing dress.

This was the worst kind of torture. I hadn’t felt anything like this since before Kyle passed and now, fucking now, Kelsey’s friend was going to turn me on?

I turned on the radio and found the heaviest of heavy metal stations. Em gasped awake and shot me a look that would’ve withered a man who wasn’t trying to get his dick to stand down.

She yawned. “If you’re so tired you have to turn this crap on, we can just stop for the night now and wake up early tomorrow to head out.”

Surprisingly enough, her mouth, instead of lessening my arousal, made it worse. I needed to put a stop to this. “Are you going to keep talking about nonsense or are you finally going to tell me what happened between you and your boyfriend?”

After flinching briefly, she cupped her hand around her ear. “What? Sorry. I can’t hear you.”

I pushed the power button on the radio and scowled. “So, what? He told you he didn’t want you there, and that’s why you decided to bust your tire and ruin your chance of escaping with your dignity intact?”

Her face flushed. “Screw you. You want to know why I left? Because as it turns out, he wasn’t there with his parents, he was there with his frat buddies. And yes, he didn’t want me there. He didn’t want me there, he…” Her voice cracked but she quickly recovered, using the same pissy tone. “And I busted my tire by trying to avoid a dog in the road, jackass.”

Jackass? I wasn’t usually the type of guy that got called names. That was right up Chase’s alley, not mine. My heart hammered, and I suddenly felt sick. “Sorry, Em. He sounds like an asshole.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“I didn’t—”

She cut me off. “Can we stop somewhere? That soda isn’t doing me any favors in the not having to pee department.”

I nodded and took the next exit. It was a good thing, too, because we needed gas as well. Em jumped out as soon as I pulled up alongside a pump, and I watched her butt as she stomped toward the gas station. I shook my head at myself. I shouldn’t be letting anyone get to me, but damn, she was fiery. I liked it. A lot.

I got out and had turned to open the truck’s gas cap when a man with a massive comb-over strode up to me. I nodded at him and looked away, but he didn’t pass by. He got right into my space, looking like he had a bone to pick.

“Now, I know if you have a driver’s license, you can’t be blind, so you saw me turning around to stop at this pump. I’ve got a meeting in five minutes. Move your truck so I can get my gas. You’re taking up two pumps here.”

My eyes flicked from the truck to Em’s car at the back. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t see you.”

He scratched the back of his head, looking even more irritated, then cracked his knuckles. “Just move the fucking truck.”

Was this guy for real? If I wasn’t so pissed, I’d think this was hilarious. I turned to face him, hands free at my sides just in case I needed them. I didn’t want to get into a fight, but if I had to, I had to. “I—”

“Honey.” An excited scream shrilled through the air right after the bell on the gas station’s door rang.

I looked up, recognizing Em’s voice, but I didn’t get all the way to her face because my stare halted at her stomach. It was huge. And round. What the hell?

“Oh God. Thank you so much for stopping, baby. I told you how bad I had to go.” She winked at me after her horrible southern accent trailed off and then patted the guy next to me on the arm. “It just seems like I can’t even go an hour without having to pee now that I’m so close to popping.”

She rubbed her hand over her big stomach and smiled down at it. I stood there, dumbfounded.

“Didn’t you say we needed gas, sweetheart? It’s not going to pump itself, ya know.”

Biting down on my lip to keep from laughing, I started to fill the tank as Em played little Miss Southern Debutante to Comb-over. He ate it all up. She had him so convinced she was eight and a half months pregnant that he even reached out to touch her baby bump. She swatted him away playfully, though for a second, a look of terror flicked across her face. I cradled the nozzle back into the pump and placed my hand on her shoulder.

She laid her head on my arm and fluttered her eyelashes. “Ready, dear?”

I nodded.

She waddled around to the other side of the truck, waved to her new friend, and said, “You have a good day now.”

I couldn’t even wait until we were out of the parking lot to start laughing. “What the hell was that?”

She pulled a Mickey Mouse ball out from underneath her shirt and placed it next to her feet. “Improvisation. That dude looked scary. Like, every-backwoods-axe-murderer-you-hear-about scary.”

“I can handle myself.”

“You?” she scoffed. “You’re way too nice. Always have been.”

Nice? I could show her how not nice I could be.

Whoa. Okay. I shook my head to clear the dirty thoughts. “I would’ve handled it.”

She needled her finger into my side. “Admit it. I saved you.”

I twisted away. “What? No way.”

She did it again but harder this time. “I did. I saved you.”

“No. You may have helped a situation but you didn’t save me. I would’ve taken care of it.”

She pouted. “He probably would’ve even punched me except I came out pregnant. You’ve got to admit. That was awesome.”

Her bright eyes had me smiling. “Okay. Okay. You saved me.”

“Now, don’t forget it, either,” she drawled, winking at me again.

Chapter Six

EM

It was such a relief, hanging out with a guy like Ronan. If that guy had tried to pick a fight with Nate, he would’ve gotten exactly what he wanted. Ronan, bless him, could’ve handled himself, but didn’t bring himself to that level all the time. It was refreshing.

“Who was your first girlfriend?”

He chuckled beside me, his head already shaking. “What? No. We’re not going there, are we?”

“Well, we’ve talked about our favorite foods, favorite teachers in high school, favorite sports teams,” I said while ticking them off one-by-one on my fingers. “We’ve talked everything else out.”

“Right. Because school, sports, and food is the end all, be all of life.”

“And relationships. Don’t forget relationships.”

“Fine.” He leaned back against his seat, eyes blinking a few times. Dark circles had become more pronounced within the last hour or so. “I think her name was Penny and we were in kindergarten.”

I pushed his shoulder. “No no no. I’m not talking kindergarten here. I’m talking the first girlfriend you ever had that meant something.”

He smiled. “Seventh grade. Lucy Dillon.”

My mouth dropped open. “You dated Lucy? You have got to tell me this story.”

Ronan looked over and smirked. “There’s not really much to tell. Her friend slipped me one of those “circle yes or no” notes. I circled “yes.” There were a three whole days involved. She was painfully shy. I had Kyle break up with her for me.”

“Kyle did that?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not like I would’ve trusted Chase. He would’ve broke up with her for me and then asked for her number. Even back then he was such a…such a…”

The smile dropped off his face. Before he could sink back into that depression I noticed every time he talked about Chase, I told him about my first boyfriend. “Mine was sixth grade. Do you remember Mark Shaw?”

Ronan shook his head. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

I laughed to myself, remembering how head-over-heels I was for this kid. Sixth grade was like a lifetime ago; it was funny, how the memories could be so pronounced. “We were at a dance, and for some miraculous reason, he asked me to dance to this really sweet love song. Wow. It lasted a couple months. First kiss and everything.”

The memory sparked another. Mark had been the guy to ask me, but I’d wanted Ronan to. I’d even begged my dad to buy me a new dress for the dance, which he did. I was convinced that night was going to be the night Ronan noticed me.

“Sounds like a lucky guy.”

“Yeah, well, then he told me he couldn’t help it, but he was pretty sure he was in love with my good friend Dee.”

Ronan stretched again. I knew from watching him for hours, this meant he was getting tired. Really tired. Hopefully I could convince him to stop soon.

After he cracked his neck, Ronan said, “Isn’t it funny how we used to throw the word love around? As if you could actually love someone like that when you’re little. You don’t even know what it means.”

“Yeah, we’d say ‘I love so-and-so’ the same way we said ‘I love pepperoni on my pizza.’”

He turned thoughtful for a few moments. I let him live in his head then touched his sleeve. “What?”

“Did you love your boyfriend?”

“No.” I answered without hesitation. “Enamored. Obsessed, possibly. But love? No. It’s possible I believed I was at one point. But, you know, maybe I’m just like an eleven-year-old Mark Shaw who throws that word around without even knowing exactly what it means.”

He’d stolen glances the entire time I talked, like he was really interested in what I was saying. When I finished, he nodded. Then I figured, what the hell. He’d asked me a serious question.

“Did you love Kelsey?”

He didn’t hesitate either. “I love Kelsey, but I’m not in love with Kelsey. Never was. Do you know what I mean?”

I wrapped my arms around myself. “You mean you love her like a friend but nothing more?”

“Right. There are very few people someone could actually love who aren’t their family. Otherwise the word love wouldn’t mean what it means.”

If he’d drive all over the East Coast for his friends, what the hell would Ronan do for someone he was actually in love with?

I was sure he was remembering Kyle just then, from the way the skin around his eyes creased. I wasn’t as close to Kyle as the rest of them, but witnessing their hurt was enough to make me want to look away. That kind of sorrow hurt worse than the physical pain Nate inflicted. I’d rather get punched in the face than feel the heartbreak of the aftermath of losing someone I loved.

Tina was so right. I gave her shit when she spoke her mind, but I should’ve listened. She’d pegged Nate from the beginning. I was too blind to see it before. He was just another douchey frat boy. Jesus. I couldn’t believe the things I’d done when I was with him. I took Kelsey to that frat party and abandoned her. I ditched my friends to hang out with Nate and his friends, and then he would ignore me all night. He didn’t care if I wanted to do something; we would do whatever he wanted to do anyway.

My stomach rolled. That saying, hindsight is twenty-twenty? So true. I was blinded by my obsession with being with him. I sat back in the seat and clutched my tummy.

His voice softened. “You feel okay?”

Just wallowing in my own stupidity. Don’t mind me. “I think I’m okay. A little tired. Do you want to stop soon?”

Ronan squinted at the signs along the highway. “No. We better stick to the road.”

After taking a quick peek at me, he frowned. Was that worry in his eyes? “Do you feel all right?” I asked.

He nodded. “I feel fine.”

“Before we left, you said you wanted to stop on the way.”

He rubbed the back of his head, and then his neck muscles bulged with a huge yawn. “My dad needs me at the shop.”

I put my hand on his arm. “Your dad won’t get you at the shop if you fall asleep while we’re driving. I think we should stop for the night. I’ve been looking for hotel signs the past thirty miles or so. I just keep seeing cheap ones. We don’t want to stay in a roach motel.”

He looked unsure. “I thought you wanted to get home.”

“I do, but I also want to get home in one piece.”

He nodded, more to himself than to me, then pointed toward the side of the road. “Here comes a sign. Hmm. Furniture Capital of the World Hotel.”

He peered over, eyebrows raised in a question. I shrugged, and he pulled off at the next exit.

The hotel was misleading. The lobby and everything looked normal but when we got to our room, the furniture in it was huge. Like, Honey I Shrunk the Kids huge, and Ronan and I were the kids.

We’d decided to get a room with two full beds and split the cost, but the bed frames and headboards were so ginormous, it left little room to walk around. Add to that the giant-sized rocker in the corner and the TV stand by the foot of the beds and we were tripping all over each other.

About the second time I stepped on Ronan’s toes, he laughed, made me sit on the bed, and said, “Don’t get up until I leave the room. I’m going to take a quick shower.”

“Got it.” I tucked my feet under me.

Ronan pulled off his shirt as he backed away. Holy wow. Butterflies erupted in my stomach. It wasn’t just the fact he was built, but he was backing away from me, hands outstretched like he was afraid I’d plow him over again. He snuck into the bathroom, a sly smile on his face. It was…I had no words. I couldn’t remember the last time Nate and I goofed around. Or if we ever had at all. And finally I’d seen Ronan with his shirt off. Sure, I’d seen him shirtless before, but that was in high school, and high school can be just plain awkward. Older, non-awkward Ronan with muscles galore? Can I get a hallelujah?

I fished my cell out of my bag without thinking and powered it on so I could call Kelsey. As soon as it fired up, though, ding after ding signaled my missed texts, and they were all from Nate. For the last ten minutes I’d forgotten about what happened. I guessed that was as good as I was going to get.

Scrolling through the text messages, they were all the same. Call me. Sometimes with a please, sometimes not. Sometimes with a baby or honey tacked onto the end. I would not call him. I needed to be strong. He never called me honey or baby in person. He’d called me chunky or chunker a couple times, but not any lovey-dovey pet names. He knew what he was doing. He was trying to play me.

Forget him.

I dialed Kelsey’s phone but it went straight to voicemail. I left her a long, rambling message about how we were fine, how we’d stopped for the night, but I ended it with a “holy crap, thanks for reminding me how built Ronan is. Now I have to sleep in the bed next to that all night.”

She’d get a kick out of it.

The shower in the other room turned on. My mind immediately imagined water dripping off of those pecs and abs. I pulled my shirt away from my chest and fanned myself a couple times. The temperature had definitely increased a few degrees. I brought out my phone and started playing Candy Crush. I needed to take my mind off of hot boys in showers.

Ever since I’d first met Ronan over at Kelsey’s house when I was in middle school, he’d been on my Wouldn’t Mind Tapping That list. Well, I hadn’t called it that in middle school but it was the same idea.

When the shower turned off and the door opened almost immediately, I buried my head in my phone, letting my hair fall in front of my face.

“Um, Em? Don’t be freaked out, but I forgot my bag in here so I only have a towel around my waist.”

Just a towel? What was he trying to do to me? “Oh,” I said, head still buried. “Is this your way of coming on to me?”

Ronan chuckled. “Well, you are my very pregnant wife. You’d think you’d know by now if I was coming on to you.”

His feet padded toward the bed but then there was a bump and a sharp curse.

I looked up. “You okay?”

Ronan jumped up and down, one hand trying to keep his towel around his waist and the other rubbing the toes on his left foot. He bumped into the ginormous rocking chair and fell onto the bed as he lost his balance. The towel briefly flew open as he landed. I saw everything before he pulled it back over himself.

My breath caught in my throat—first from the shock of seeing Ronan’s package and then because I wanted to laugh about the whole thing. Finally, I let out a low giggle. When Ronan looked at me, shocked, I clamped my hand over my mouth but still couldn’t stop the laughter that busted out of me.

His face went red. “Please tell me you didn’t see anything.”

I tried to fight back the bubbling laughter but it wouldn’t be controlled. “I didn’t see anything?”

He shook his head. “I think I can safely say I hate the Furniture Capital of the World.”

I dragged myself off the bed and dropped to my knees in front of him. His eyebrows were mid-forehead by the time I picked up his foot to inspect his toes. His baby toe looked a little red. “It’s always the little things that bring down the big guys.”

When I stood, it was impossible not to notice the towel bulging in a certain area. I guessed Ronan liked the idea of me kneeling in front of him. My cheeks heated when I realized I was staring at his lap.

Ronan smirked.

“Ice,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I’ll get you some ice.”

“Em,” Ronan tried to take my hand but I was too quick.

I grabbed the ice bucket, which was more the size of a pail and ran out of the room. If I had a tail, it would’ve been between my legs. It was nice to know Nate hadn’t killed my libido. Ronan’s junk was all over the place inside my head.

Holy crap. How embarrassing. Couple that with the crush I’d had on him for years and I could feel my skin getting blotchy with humiliation. I shouldn’t have said anything to Kelsey about Ronan’s abs. She wouldn’t let me live this down.

I filled the pail, and to help myself cool down I glided a piece of ice over my neck until there was nothing left but water on my fingers. On the way back to our room, I counted the steps to waste time. Two hundred and thirty-three. I hoped it was enough time for Ronan to get decent so I wouldn’t torture myself with any more mental images. As I approached the door, I noticed he’d propped it open. His shoe was wedged in the opening. I’d run out so quick I hadn’t bothered to bring the room key.

Without looking at him, I headed straight to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth from the towel rod. After wetting it with water from the faucet, I dropped some ice cubes in the center and held it out to Ronan. “Here. You should put this on it.”

His fingers brushed mine as he took my handmade ice pack. “Thank you.”

He lay back on the bed, shorts low around his waist—damn it, his chest was still bare!—and arranged the ice around his toes. It was funny how the bed seemed to fit Ronan. He must look way too big in other beds. I knew he’d look too big in my bed.

Whoa, I needed to get a grip.

I tossed my bag over my shoulder and headed into the bathroom. A quick search through the bag I’d hastily packed and I realized I hadn’t brought anything appropriate to sleep in. There was a lacy little number I’d brought specifically with Nate in mind but it was in no way appropriate for anything but trying to seduce someone.

I ran my hands through my hair. You’ve got to be kidding me. I stuck my head out of the bathroom. Ronan was laying there, eyes closed.

“Hey.”

His eyes opened immediately. At least he had the decency to look sheepish, too.

“You don’t by any chance have a shirt I can borrow. I don’t have anything appropriate to wear to bed.”

Ronan’s eyes darkened, making my stomach twist in a delightful way. The skin on the back of my neck grew hot. I was beginning to flush everywhere again. Without saying a word, Ronan picked his bag off the floor and brought out a T-shirt. Thanking him, I took the shirt and locked myself inside the bathroom to take a quick shower and rinse the day’s ick off me.

Of course the shirt was too big for me, which I was banking on. The material clung to the patches of my skin that were still damp from the poor toweling-off job I’d done. The oversize shirt covered me up in all the right places, but what I hadn’t been counting on was how thin the fabric was. My nipples were poking against the flimsy heather gray cotton. Hoping it was just the fact I was a little cold in the bathroom, I waited it out to see if they would go back to normal. No such luck. It wasn’t the slight chill in the air that had me perked up. It was my current roommate.

With a groan of frustration, I whipped the bathroom door open and tiptoed to the bed, my hands clasped firmly over my chest. If I didn’t bring any attention to myself, maybe Ronan wouldn’t look. He did, of course. I snuggled down into the sheets and shut my eyes.

Ronan turned the lamp off. The world beyond my eyelids grew dark in a black wave.

His bed rustled and I peeked over. The neon red light outside our window cast him in shadows. He was staring at me. “Do you remember the first time we met?” he asked.

I smiled at the memories that flashed through my head. Kyle and Kelsey always had this thing about camping in Chase’s backyard, and it was during one of those stays I first met Ronan. Kelsey and I slept in the girl tent, and Chase, Bear, and Kyle were in the boy tent. We’d spent all night trying to freak the other tent out and spent the whole next day trying not to fall asleep while watching scary movies in the Larkin’s den.

After that night, I’d try to get an invite to Kelsey’s house whenever I could, in the hope Ronan would be there. I was so smitten it was ridiculous. Kelsey was completely clueless, however. When Kyle and Chase had first befriended Ronan, she was even a little jealous of him. That all changed though. The four of them were their own entity when they were younger. It wasn’t until we got older that Kelsey branched out a little into needing girlfriends, and the guys started doing guy things like dating girls.

“Camping?” I asked, like I hadn’t replayed the whole thing in my head.

He smiled. “Yeah. I remember you were really scared of bears. Chase and Kyle made me make that stupid roaring sound all night to scare you.”

“A bear sound, huh? How appropriate.”

His face turned serious and he was quiet for a little while. “It was right after that the guys started calling me Bear. Isn’t it funny how things go on for so long and you really can’t pinpoint what it was that made it start? Like Bear for me. I kind of thought the nickname started because of football but…”

My breath quickened as it dawned on me that maybe I had something to do with Ronan’s nickname. Smiling, I asked, “Do you think that’s why they started calling you that?”

His lips curved. “Who knows? Probably.”

Chapter Seven

RONAN

It took forever for me to get to sleep. Somehow Em reminded me of the way way back. I kept picturing her with her cute ponytail and small wire-framed glasses. Being around her now made it easier to think about what happened before Kyle died. Kelsey had never helped because her pain always mirrored and intensified my own, but Em… Em made middle school, and football practice, and video game parties, and trick-or-treating, and three best friends come alive again.

Pressure I hadn’t known I’d been carrying lifted from my shoulders. We were really good friends, and it wasn’t just me and Kyle. It was Chase, too. It’d been easy to overlook when grieving but it was impossible to ignore when I thought about the past. He was always there.

When sleep finally came, I was down for the count. The sound of water pelting off the shower in the bathroom woke me in the morning. Em’s bed was empty and I immediately envisioned her underneath the spray of water. Naked, of course. I groaned as my body reacted to my thoughts. Stupid hard-on.

I kicked out and found a wet spot at the end of my bed where all the ice had melted from the cute nurse job Em had done last night. When she’d knelt down in front of me, my thoughts had taken a nose dive into the gutter. She saw how aroused I was, too, which only made it worse. I kind of hoped she’d do something about it.

Em’s cell phone vibrated on the nightstand. Curious, I squinted at the screen. She’d shut if off yesterday, which made me think her boyfriend was trying to reach her and she didn’t want to talk to him. Maybe it was even jealousy that made me look.

Nate: You’re a dumb whore.

What the fuck? I sat up and grabbed the cell. Clicking on the text, it brought me to all these other texts. They’d started out nice at first. Call me baby. You know I love you. I’m sorry. Forgive me? But then they’d turned nasty. Where are you? Fucking call me. You know I hate it when you do this to me. Dammit, Em. Fucking call me. You bitch. Call me or I will come home and drag your ass out of your dad’s house.

That one had prompted a response from her: Touch me again and you’ll be sorry.

My spidey-sense was jumping all over the place. He’d threatened her. He was still threatening her.

The shower turned off and I set her cell back on the nightstand. I didn’t know if I should say anything. She’d probably be pissed I invaded her privacy. I ran my hands down my face and decided it was best not to mention it right now, but I’d keep watch to see if things got out of hand.

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opened and Em stepped into the main room with a cute navy sundress on. When she saw me look up, she smiled, but her face still looked sad. “Good morning,” she said, then immediately blushed.

She was so dang adorable. “Good morning.”

Her phone vibrated on the nightstand again and worry lines etched into her forehead.

“Did you save any hot water for me?” I asked, hoping to take her mind off the phone.

It didn’t work. She’d already picked it up and frowned at the messages. “Mmm.”

I dragged myself off the bed and took the quickest shower of my life. When I came back out, Em was sitting on the edge of the bed, her bag packed next to her. Her cell was nowhere in sight.

“Why do you always come out of the bathroom wearing a towel?”

Shit. I looked down at myself and smiled. “Because I’m not bright enough to bring my bag into the bathroom with me.”

She smiled back. “How’s your toe?”

“Healing nicely. Thanks to you.”

After I’d dressed quickly in the bathroom, Em and I checked out of the Furniture Capital of the World Hotel and got back on the road. We were barely on I-95 when Em spoke. “You know what was awesome about being a kid? No fear. The first day I met you, we camped out in Chase’s backyard because it would be fun. If Kelsey asked me to do that today, I’d probably say no because I’d be afraid of the bugs getting in, or that I’d be too sore from sleeping on the hard ground to move the next day. When we were little, we weren’t worried about what our actions meant for the next day or the day after that. We just did it because we wanted to.”

“Freedom.”

She looked at me thoughtfully then nodded. “Exactly.”

A montage of all the dumb things I’d done when I was a kid ran through my mind. “When I was younger, my brothers and I used to do somersaults off my grandparents’ lower roof into a snow bank.”

Her eyes widened. “You could have broken your necks.”

I chuckled. “No fear in us Pearse boys. It was awesome.”

“And remember all the stupid stunts we did on our bikes? Sure, let’s put together a makeshift ramp and pedal as hard as we can toward it. What the hell were our parents thinking? If I had a kid and they tried to do that, I’d kill them.”

My stomach tightened with laughter. “When Mr. and Mrs. Larkin weren’t looking, Chase and Kyle used to throw lighter fluid on the bonfires they’d have. They’re lucky they even have eyebrows right now.”

For a second, my heart skipped a beat when I realized I’d spoken about Kyle as if he were still alive. But hell. Why shouldn’t I? It felt good to talk like this. They were just memories.

“I used to pretend I was a gymnast on the monkey bars down at Thornden Park. It’s a wonder my limbs still work.”

“Training for the next Olympics?”

“Hell yes. I wanted to be Dominique Moceanu in the worst way.”

I bet if Em had tried, she could’ve been a world-class gymnast. She had this fiery determination about her that said she could do anything.

“If you could do one thing right now, what would you do?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re the one asking questions?”

My mind reeling with possibilities, I grabbed Em’s hand from the seat and squeezed. “If you had no fear of any repercussions, what’s one thing you would decide to do right now?”

A smile crept across her face. “On my way down to Georgia, I kept thinking about the ocean. I’ve never stepped into the ocean before. If I could do one thing right now, that would be it. At least this whole trip wouldn’t have been for nothing.”

I steered the truck over to the side of the road, grabbed the GPS and put in a new destination. Ocean City, Maryland. I’d tried typing in ocean and that was what came up as a suggestion, so I took it. I was going to live and let live. No fear. Freedom.

Em was practically bouncing in her seat. “Really? Ocean City? This is going to sound so dumb but I used to read the Baby Sitter Club books when I was a kid and my favorite was when one of the girls in the club went to Ocean City with the family she babysat for. She met a boy and they went on a ride in the Love Tunnel or something like that. I always wished I could go to Ocean City.”

She was beaming from ear-to-ear, and I couldn’t help the excited grin that spread over my own face. “Well, in less than six hours, your feet will be in the ocean, and you will be in Ocean City. That’s two dreams fulfilled.”

She leaned over and pecked me on the cheek. “Because of you. I don’t know how to thank you enough.”

My skin was hot and tingly from the kiss when she pulled away. Seeing how excited she was made me happy. I hadn’t felt pure joy like that in the longest time, and I’d missed it. The one thing that I should’ve learned from Kyle’s death was that life was short. I needed to do what I wanted now, before it was too late.

EM

Those six hours were the longest, yet the fastest, of my entire life. The glimpses of the ocean as we drove along the coast teased me to no end. Several times, I almost asked Ronan to pull over. He probably would’ve, but I knew it would be worth the wait. I took pictures with my phone instead, to keep the memory alive when we returned home and things went back to normal. I wanted to remember this feeling. And the views. And the way my pulse raced, pumping the blood through my veins. I was alive. I was still kicking. Nate hadn’t broken me.

Ronan was amazing. He just up and decided to drive to the ocean because I said I’d never been. He let me snap pictures of him being silly. Nate hated when I talked about dreams and trips. Ronan let me dream as big as I wanted. He let me talk about it without tearing me down and calling it impossible. I wanted to keep that alive. This was exactly what I wanted a relationship to be. I wanted someone who built me up, not tore me down.

When I saw the first sign for Ocean City, I reached for Ronan’s hand and squeezed. He tightened his hand around mine, and that gooey crush feeling swept over me. I wanted to keep it there forever.

As we came into what resembled a town, Ronan kept turning right until finally we made it to the ocean. He pulled into a small but neat motel and jumped out. I was right behind him, stopping only to take my shoes off. Instead of checking in, he grabbed my hand and pulled me across the street, over the beach where the sand massaged my feet, and right into the water.

I dug my toes into the wet sand as the waves lapped at my legs. My skin broke out in goose bumps and my eyes burned right before the first trickle of a tear slid down my cheek. Two days ago, I had the worst day of my life. Today, I had a whole new attitude. I wasn’t confined anymore. I was free. I could do what I wanted.

Ronan drew me to him and bent his head. Before his lips met mine, I could’ve swore he whispered, “No fear.”

Maybe it was the ocean. Maybe it was the excitement of the entire day. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above. But it felt as if until his lips swept over mine, I’d never been truly kissed. My limbs zinged with electricity. My mind completely blanked. It was just me and Ronan. The feel of his lips on mine, and the way my whole body reacted to him. He may have initiated the kiss, but I was a full-blown participant.

Touching his forehead to mine, he broke the connection. I’d never win the “How long did that kiss last?” contest if I had to guess. It could’ve been hours, it could’ve been only a few seconds, but it was everything. I breathed in and caught the sweet smell of the ocean and Ronan’s musky male scent. I was in heaven. And Ronan made it possible.

Without speaking, we walked back up the beach hand-in-hand. We got a room at the cute little motel, stayed long enough to drop our bags, then walked down the block to the nearest surf shop. Ronan handed me a red bikini. I took it, smiling, and finally broke the silence between us. “You sure?”

His eyes were dark and greedy. “Very sure.”

That look, that certainty sparked what had become a constant need. I bought the suit without even trying it on. If Ronan wanted to see me in the bikini, I would make it happen. I wasn’t going to overanalyze it or hope I looked good enough. I was just going to be.

No fear.

Ronan picked out a pair of trunks and we both changed in the changing area. We walked right back down to the beach, me with my heart thumping in my chest. He laid out our two new towels as I pulled my sundress over my head. His stare intensified as he took me in. “You’re beautiful.”

A weird noise made its way up my throat. I was shocked he’d said “beautiful” and “you’re” in the same sentence. I was used to hearing, “You’re dumb” or “You’re too chunky,” or you’re this, or you’re that. But I was beautiful in his eyes.

He gave me a questioning look and I fought back the rising emotion so I could give him an explanation. “I’m not used to hearing that, that’s all.”

“Then you’re not hanging out with the right kind of guy.”

I inhaled his words to keep them with me. His fingertips lowered and brushed over the bruise on my stomach. “What’s this?”

I swallowed the thickness in my throat as the urge to tell Ronan everything surged within me. I didn’t want to dim this moment though. I wanted him to keep looking at me in awe and not in sympathy. “I, um…when we stopped the first time, I accidentally ran into a low-hanging sink.”

Unconsciously, I wrapped my fingers around the scratches on my arm to hide them. It only brought Ronan’s attention there, and he frowned. “And what’s that?”

“Stupid cat next door.” I smiled nervously. “We have a love-hate relationship.”

He didn’t believe me, I could tell, but he lowered his hands to my hips, then over the strings there, and teased at the line of my bikini. I inhaled sharply and his nose dipped, tracing the line of my jaw to my ear. “We should go for a swim.”

I nodded numbly. He withdrew his touch, just briefly, to pull his shirt over his head and then steered me down to the water. By this time, the sun was setting, and orange and pink streaks blazed across the sky.

“Wait.” I jogged over to our towels, grabbed my cell and took a picture of us, both with our feet in the ocean and the sunset at our backs.

“Better?” he asked.

I nodded, ran back to our things to drop my cell and hurried to Ronan’s side again. I bent at the waist, scooped water in my hands, and splashed him. His eyes widened before he retaliated. I screamed and tried to get away but he only kept pulling me back to him until finally he dunked the both of us. We came up, our bodies slipping and sliding against each other’s, water running off our faces, and somehow found ourselves in each other’s arms again. He picked me up easily, and I wrapped my legs around his hips as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do.

His eyelashes were stuck together in peaks. He pulled my bottom to him and groaned. “I wish we had a past, Em. A beginning, a middle, a right now. Because if that were true, I wouldn’t be conflicted about wanting you.”

Instead of answering with words, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Our lips played off each other. It was new and refreshing until we fell into an easy rhythm. It was impossible not to notice his arousal between my legs. I pressed against the hardness and Ronan kissed me with more ferocity. If it weren’t for the very public beach, I would’ve untied my bikini bottom right there in the ocean.

I moved my hand, trailing it down his chest, needing to touch him. But he dragged my fingers up and back around his neck. “Let me, Em.”

One hand wrapped around my middle; his other crept between us. My stomach tightened at his touch and in anticipation of where he’d stop. He didn’t disappoint. His finger slid over the wet and thin material at the front of my bikini and I moaned into his mouth. Pleasure spiked between my legs and I ground against his hand, drawing out the sensations I needed from him. I pulled my mouth from his. It was getting harder and harder to kiss and breathe at the same time. My heartbeat was erratic and I couldn’t draw in enough air.

“Oh, Ronan.”

He tugged the wet hair that fell against my neck, exposing my skin, and increased his movements until I was about to explode in pleasure. I grabbed his face and locked my lips to his as my orgasm hit. He swallowed up my moans and wrapped his arms around me until I stopped trembling and the high of my excitement subsided.

I tucked my head into the crook of his neck and he held me. We bobbed on the waves and stayed in the moment. I had no fear. I was free.

When we finally made our way to our room, the moon was out in full view and Ronan wasn’t done with me yet. In more ways than one.

“Lay on the bed,” he instructed.

We’d just walked in. My feet were still sandy, and although my hair had started to dry, it was clumpy. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Please.”

I smiled that he would think to add that just because I gave him a look. I sat, then scooted toward the pillows. Still shirtless, Ronan laid out beside me. A few moments went by where he scanned the length of me. My body heated everywhere his stare stopped as if he were actually making physical contact. He grabbed the towel knot I’d made around my waist and loosened the fabric before unwrapping it from around me.

A slight frown crossed his face, his gaze lingering on my stomach and then moving to the deep scratches on my arm. “You told me earlier you aren’t used to being called beautiful.”

His eyes flicked to mine but I didn’t respond.

He untied my bikini bottoms but left the fabric in place, his finger skimming down the bare skin of my hip. “But you are beautiful, Em.”

His feather light touches circled around to my thigh. My breaths shortened. What happened between us in the ocean seemed surreal. This was real, though. The hard bed was beneath me. Ronan’s eyes were staring into mine. This was the present; this was actually happening.

“And I think I’m going to make it my duty to prove it to you.”

Ronan reached under my back and untied my bikini top strings there, then he did the same for the ones around my neck. He left the fabric in place but there was absolutely nothing to stop him now from seeing me naked. All it would take was a simple movement of his hand.

He rested his fingers on my chest, which rose and fell with my shallow breaths. “Talk to me about it.”

“Right now?” I breathed.

“I need to know how far I have to go to make you believe how sexy you truly are. So yes, right now.”

Unconsciously, my hands found my middle, and my bruise there. “He said I was chunky.”

Ronan frowned as he looked down at my waist. “This? Right here?”

He lowered his lips to my navel and placed soft kisses over my skin. I gripped the bed sheets and watched as his lips explored the area Nate had picked on the most. He paused over my bruise, his lips barely touching.

A few seconds later, he lifted his head to meet my gaze. “I see nothing wrong with your stomach. In fact, it’s quite tasty.”

I giggled and in that moment, I didn’t see anything wrong with my stomach either. I especially loved the way it looked under Ronan.

“Where else, sexy girl?”

“My hips. They’re too wide.”

He pulled back, his lips a thin line. “That’s simply a lie. I’ll show you.”

Ronan maneuvered on top of me, his legs straddling mine. His hands started at my knees, brushed over my thighs and gripped my hips. His thumb pressed into my front as his fingers splayed out around my bottom. I moaned softly at the contact. Ronan released his hard grip then did it again and I had to stop myself from arching into him.

“I can put my hands all the way around your hips and grab your fine ass. Do you still think they’re too wide?”

I bit my lip and shook my head as he pulled his hands away, taking my bikini bottom with him.

“He couldn’t have said anything about this right here,” Ronan said, his fingers dropping below my bikini line to between my legs. “Because this is fucking perfect.”

I bucked into him as his fingers lightly caressed me. When I started to squirm, he lowered himself on top of me, his breath skimming my cheek. “Where else do I have to prove that you are one of the sexiest women I’ve ever seen?”

His intense eyes scoured me. I wanted to pick every damn spot on my body including my toes if he kept doing what he was doing. His hand trailed up my stomach to the edge of my bikini cup, and he raised an eyebrow in question.

“Too small,” I breathed.

“Not possible.” He yanked the top to the side and stared for a few seconds like he’d found a pot of gold where the rainbow ended, then his hot mouth was on my nipple. This time when I bucked, his arousal was evident when I met his hard body.

“Ronan.”

He pulled away. “Tell me you believe me, Em. You are so beautiful to look at I can’t even believe you’re letting me touch you right now. God.” He stared at the different parts of my body again. “You’re unbelievable. And you deserve to be treated that way.”

Why would I want what Nate was offering when I could have this? I grabbed Ronan’s hand. “Touch me?”

He slid his fingers into my hair. “My pleasure.”

The smell of the ocean, sea salt, and Ronan empowered me as he lowered his body onto mine, his lips finding my own. His kisses were the perfect combination of soft and demanding, torturous and sweet. More heat spread between my legs with every moan he coaxed from my mouth. While his lips explored mine, I explored his hard body with my fingertips. They grazed his abs, slid to his hips, but before I could reach my destination, he artfully shifted to make that impossible. Before I could protest, he distracted me. He slipped his hand from around my head and kneaded my breast. My back arched, searching for him. He read my body like a book, tracing his fingers down my stomach and between my legs, giving me exactly what I wanted.

He stopped kissing to stare down at me. Our eyes locked as his fingers pushed inside. I sucked in a breath, watching his eyes as I moaned and squirmed, his fingers drawing in and out. It was freeing letting him find what made my toes curl and my back arch into him. This wasn’t just a prelude to his moment. He wanted to explore my body.

When he ran his thumb over my clit, I was done for. “Yes,” I breathed. He hurried his movements, his eyes still on me. My body tensed as he rubbed my clit again and again, and then I was spiraling and crashing over a cliff of pleasure.

As my breathing returned to normal, he tucked me into his side and covered us with the outer blanket. “I’d say Ocean City was a win-win for us.”

I pulled the covers off and twisted to face him. “Not yet.”

He looked at me, forehead creasing. When my fingers wrapped around his hardness, he got the picture. “Em…”

“Shh,” I said, and reached my other hand up to bring his face down for a kiss.

He wrapped his hand around mine to stop my movements. “I just wanted to show you how beautiful you are. You don’t have to reciprocate.”

My thumb played over the tip of his erection and his muscles locked.

“I want to,” I said. “If I make you feel half of what you just made me feel…I’ll be beautiful…and sexy…and…”

He licked his lips and loosened his grip on my hand to allow for my movements. His head fell back against the pillow as I touched, and kissed, and took pleasure in his body. It had been a long time since I’d dreamt about Ronan and me together, but all of it crept back. Before long, he started to shudder, and my mind reeled in satisfaction.

He groaned, and the sinewy muscles that had been taut mere seconds ago were now limp with pleasure. I rose to kiss him and he answered with a passion that locked us together for minutes, or maybe hours. I didn’t even know.

When we broke apart, I smiled. “Now it’s a win-win.”

Chapter Eight

RONAN

My eyes opened the next morning to her smiling face, and the fear she might regret what happened between us last night diminished with the light in her eyes. I probably shouldn’t have jumped in feet-first knowing she’d just broken up with her boyfriend and was still getting awful text messages from him, but I felt such a pull toward her. We were one-of-a-kind. Our thoughts ran parallel paths. It felt good to live like that for once. To make decisions without hesitation or restraint.

I smiled back and realized my lips were swollen from the kisses we’d shared.

She laid her head on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm tighter around her. A waft of ocean breeze filled my nostrils and I breathed in more deeply.

“Are you sniffing my hair?” she asked.

I froze. “Maybe.”

She propped her head up in the palm of her hand. “Okay.”

A strand of hair fell in front of her face. I wrapped it around her ear. “I was just thinking that you still smelled like the ocean.”

Her lips curled. “I wish I could all the time.”

“Maybe you could.”

She smiled at my meaning and snuggled closer.

My stomach growled and she poked at it. I caught her hand before she withdrew and kissed her soft skin. “I guess my impromptu dinner of peanut butter crackers, doughnuts, and peanuts from the vending machine last night isn’t cutting it.”

She sat up and pulled the blanket around her top. She thought about it for a second and then let the sheet drop. Her beautiful breasts, which I’d become well acquainted with, were on display and I hardened. I pulled the covers around my hips to make sure she couldn’t tell.

Last night wasn’t about the physical act. It was about exploring each other, getting to know what the other liked and didn’t. I remembered the way her toes curled as I kissed her hip. How her eyes squeezed closed for just a second as my finger pushed inside her. But the memory that would stick out most was the way she looked when I made her orgasm for the second time, her back arching off the bed.

Trust. And fearlessness. She was one beautiful creature.

Okay. I needed to stop reliving last night or else I was going to have a serious case of blue balls. And watching Em’s naked ass get up and walk away from me wasn’t helping. Neither did the sound of the shower. Or the curtain being pulled across the rod.

Em’s phone rang. The number was from our area code, though I didn’t recognize it. It was probably Kelsey calling. She’d been radio silent since I’d picked Em up. I put the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

The line was quiet for a few seconds. “Who the fuck is this?”

Definitely not Kelsey. The bite in his words pricked my skin. “Who’s this?”

“Em’s fucking boyfriend. Who the fuck is this, and why are you answering her phone?”

Shit. I pulled the phone away and looked down. The caller ID hadn’t come up as Nate. If it had, I sure as hell wouldn’t have answered it. I ended the call and tossed the phone back on the table. I hadn’t even realized she’d gotten it out last night.

“Ronan?”

My head jerked up. She was at the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around her, staring at me and frowning. “I’m sorry, Em. Your phone rang. I thought it might have been Kelsey so I answered it. I think it was Nate.”

Her face blanched, and the stress and creases that yesterday had worked off her face came back. “What’d he say?”

“He wanted to know who I was but I just hung up on him. He didn’t sound very…happy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that was an understatement.”

I wanted to tell her how strong she was. That she could roll her eyes about some guy who was harassing her said a lot. I could never be as dismissive as that.

I patted the bed next to me. “Please tell me what happened between you two. It’s killing me that I don’t know.”

She bit her lower lip, sucking it in between her teeth. “It’s kind of a long story and it doesn’t make me look very good.”

Apprehension filled her eyes so I got up, took her hand, and made her sit beside me on the bed. “You can tell me.”

She took a deep breath. The worry lines were back in full force. It was a mistake to make her talk about it, but I just wanted her to confide in me and trust me.

“The reason I left Nate so fast was because—” She paused, her lip trembling. “When I showed up, he was angry. Very angry. We fought. He pushed me. I fell.”

My mouth dropped and my hands unwillingly clenched into fists. I hadn’t expected that. “He hit you?”

She slumped. “He didn’t hit me.”

“Semantics, Em. He touched you physically in a way any fucking real man would be ashamed to admit.”

She nodded. “Yes. You’re right.”

I stood, pulled on my athletic shorts, and paced around the room. My thoughts were flying all over the place. I wanted to call that number back and tell him off. I wanted to drive to fucking Georgia and push his ass to the ground. And dammit, I was pissed that this dick had taken my moment of freedom and squashed it. “What else? I want to know everything.”

She dropped her chin into her hands. “This is the part where you’re going to realize what a stupid girl I am. He’s done it before, said he would change, but obviously he didn’t.”

I charged forward, grabbed her hands, and held them. “You’re not a stupid girl. You trusted he would do what he said, but he didn’t. Real men—gentlemen—keep their word.”

Her eyes filled with tears but they didn’t spill over. She had one hell of a suit of armor. “You’re a great guy, Ronan.”

I shut my eyes and took in her statement. Having fun and laughing together was one thing. This just gave me one more thing to worry about. Shame washed over me because a part of me wished I never asked her about him. I wished I didn’t know. I wanted to go on living in our perfect ocean bubble. “So, he was abusive? Not just emotionally, but physically.”

She nodded. “I can’t for the life of me understand why I stayed with him. I keep asking myself that question. I mean, what is wrong with me that I would do that?”

Her body trembled and I wrapped my arm around her. “You told me last night how he used to call you names and tell you that you were fat, ugly. He was manipulative.”

She shrugged. “I always thought I was stronger than that. That’s what hurts the most. I should’ve been stronger. I shouldn’t have fallen into his trap.”

Any progress I’d made last night vanished. “How mad do you think he is now? Would he try and hurt you again?”

No way was I going to let that happen.

She shook her head. “No. I want nothing to do with him. Nothing. He can’t hurt me anymore if he doesn’t see me, and we’re more than over. We’re officially dead.”

Em and I said good-bye to the ocean that morning, and after that, things weren’t the same. She was lost in herself. For the hundredth time, I wondered if we should’ve stayed there, let our new connection bloom and unfold. But staying wouldn’t have done us any favors. When she revealed the truth about her past relationship, I knew I couldn’t have her right away. I was sick I’d even taken it as far as I had without knowing why they’d broken up. If I’d known he was abusive, I never would’ve started anything. She needed time. She deserved time. And I would be of no help to her when I was as fucked up as she was.

From the passenger seat, Em pointed out another Cracker Barrel billboard. “One last hurrah?”

I swallowed the sudden thickness in my throat. Even though I wished we could, I knew we shouldn’t. What would be left of me if she was just using me to get over what Nate had done? She’d given me one beautiful night where the restraints of obligation, the weight on my shoulders from my promise to Kyle hadn’t held me back. Even if she wasn’t intentionally leading me on, her head couldn’t have been in the right place. I’d felt free for those precious few hours. She’d felt it, too. I saw it. But ever since she told me about Nate hurting her, she’d retreated inside herself again. And I was left with one more thing to worry over.

When I didn’t answer, she wound her tiny fingers around mine. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

I cleared my throat and chose the perfect words to say. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I really need to get home to the shop. My dad needs help. The end of the month is the busiest time for him. State inspections.”

Her voice softened and she pulled her hand back. “Oh.”

Perfect words, my ass. It sounded like a bunch of excuses to my ears, too. And like when we first started this journey, she leaned her head against the passenger-side window and stared off into space.

“I’m sorry, Em. I’m just tired, I guess. I’ll take you to Cracker Barrel if you want.”

She waved the offer away, her eyes sad. “Some other time.”

The freedom, the fearlessness we’d built us around was slipping through our grasps. We were losing it as reality crashed in. The miles between us and home were ticking closer and closer to zero. With every passing road sign, the weight piled on heavier and higher.

“What’s your biggest regret?” I asked her. It seemed like the perfect question for the thoughts jumbled in my head.

She fretted over her lip. “Nate. You?”

“Getting in that car with Chase.”

The words slipped from me before I analyzed them. I leaned back in the seat and thought about what I’d said. If someone had asked me that question a couple months ago, or maybe even a day ago, I would’ve said Chase, period. The truth always came out when you least expected it.

Without thinking, I asked myself a couple questions in my head and didn’t let myself think through the answers first. Did I like Em? Yes. Did I want to spend time with her? Hell yes.

“I was thinking, about your car? I don’t know what your plans are to get it fixed but I’ll take it to my dad’s shop and see what I can do.”

“You don’t have to.”

I took my eyes from the road and smiled at her. “I want to.”

Her eyes glimmered for a second, and I hoped I hadn’t royally screwed everything up. Just because she wasn’t ready yet didn’t mean I couldn’t be her friend. I didn’t have to cut all ties as soon as I dropped her off. If we started as friends, there was a good chance this would lead to something more. But only when she was ready. And quite honestly, I had to be ready, too.

EM

As soon as Ronan turned onto my block, my heart thumped against my ribs. When I saw the car parked out front, it swan-dived into my gut.

It was Kelsey’s. I’d wanted to talk to Ronan alone to see where his head was at, but I’d waited too long. I couldn’t do that with Kelsey stepping out of her car and waving as Ronan pulled up next to the curb.

Before either one of us moved, I grabbed Ronan’s hand on the seat. I couldn’t let this end without him knowing how much it meant to me, no matter what his feelings were now. “I had a really great time. Thank you. For everything.”

A look passed from him to me, indecipherable at best, and walls built around him right before my eyes. It was all coming to an end, and I didn’t know how to stop it. The air in the truck thickened, suffocating me. Too soon, Kelsey knocked on the window. Ronan hadn’t responded—whether he wanted to but couldn’t, or just didn’t want to, I’d never know.

I opened the door and Kelsey enveloped me in a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.”

I hugged her back and tried not to show the hurt on my face. I’d thought Ronan and I had started something good. I never would’ve opened up to him if I’d known it would change his opinion of me.

“You and Bear didn’t hurt each other, did you? You look miserable.” She peeked behind me. “He looks miserable, too. Damn. Did I make a mistake asking him?”

I shook my head. “No. We’re fine. I think we’re both tired.”

She gave me a small smile and then leaned past me into the cab of the truck. The hand that held her keys shook a little. “Hey, Bear. Thank you for doing this.”

He nodded and found my gaze with the same indecipherable look. “It was no problem at all.”

We all looked at each other after that. Three pairs of sad eyes, all unhappy for different reasons. Or maybe not. Maybe we were all sad because of the absence of things. Ronan had pulled away after I’d told him about Nate. He probably thought he was getting a strong girl, the same strong girl who wanted to live in the ocean and chase her dreams. Instead, he’d been deceived by a stupid girl who only moonlighted as a free spirit.

Kelsey stared at Ronan like I was staring at Ronan. She missed him. Her stories of childhood memories with Ronan had turned sad the longer they spent apart. He was staring at her the same way, too.

He missed her, but I was the regret. He wished he’d never gotten himself involved with the stupid girl.

Chapter Nine

EM

I was frustrated. Emotionally and irrationally.

Damn Ronan to hell. He’d made it so hard to walk away from the truck and pretend for Kelsey. She’d thought my foul mood was because of Nate, and in a way she was right. I loathed the fact I was ever with that asshole. What had Ronan said? He wished we’d had a past. I wanted that for us, too. Then maybe I never would’ve been with Nate. And Ronan and I would have that future with each other I couldn’t help but root for after what happened between us.

This morning I was still thinking about him. Ronan. Even I thought the sigh that escaped my lips was borderline crazy. Despite that fact, there was something between the two of us. I hadn’t imagined it.

Though half my brain was still tied up over Ronan, the other half of this morning was dedicated to de-Nateifying everything. I was rarely happy to have my dad on a long truck run but this was one of those times. Answering his nosey questions while throwing all the Nate crap in a box would’ve surely sent me over the edge.

There were the pictures and contact info in my phone, the frames on my dresser, the letters in a shoebox. Everything was going. I walked into the kitchen, lifted the top to the garbage can, and tipped the box with the last of the pictures in it. The glass in one of the frames shattered. I fished my cell out of my purse. The picture I’d stored for Nate stared me in the face. It was of him and me. I was laughing while he planted a huge, wet kiss on my cheek. No one would’ve been able to tell that right before that, he’d slapped my ass and told me to get my butt to the gym. Asshole.

Good-bye, I whispered as I pressed the delete button. I needed to attract more good in my life, not bad.

RONAN

I was beneath an elevated ‘02 Chevy Malibu checking out the frame when Em walked in. Underneath the black-stained pants and holey shirt I wore, my skin heated in embarrassment. I didn’t want her to see me like this. There was a reason there weren’t any mirrors in the garage. We knew we looked like crap, and we also didn’t care. Usually.

Completely hidden from view, I watched as she looked around the garage, her blond hair shifting over her shoulders. Her hair was so straight and soft it reminded me of the waves rolling over us in Ocean City.

Hell, that image did it. I grabbed a rag off the floor and tried to rid my hands of the grease, with no luck. Warily, I stepped into view. “Hey.”

She jumped, holding her small hand over her chest. “Jesus, Ronan.” She gasped as she brought herself back under control. “Sorry. You scared me. Hi.”

Em had this way of talking that made me happy. She could flit from subject to subject in one confused breath and then smile understanding into you. Looking around, I grabbed her hand and steered her toward an open bay. If any of the guys noticed her, I’d get shit for weeks.

Beside me, her shorter legs worked double to keep up until I ushered her onto the other side of the outside wall. She looked down at her feet. That wouldn’t do. I couldn’t see her gray eyes if she kept them hidden from me. I placed my finger under her chin and tipped her head up. “Hey.”

A small smile parted her lips, and although it was nice, it lacked the free spirit of our time in Ocean City. Em needed to be out amid the chaos of the waves. To feel the push and pull of the current. She was that kind of spirit. She’d been at home there. We both had.

The sun shone down through a break in the otherwise cloudy day, making her blond hair shine. “Did you catch up on your sleep?”

She shook her head. “Had a hard time last night.”

Panic rose in my chest. I had, too, but I also didn’t have an angry ex to deal with. “Is it Nate? Was he bothering you?”

She ran her hands through her hair and looked up at the sky. “No. He won’t anymore. I blocked his number this morning right after I threw all the other crap out.”

My muscles relaxed, relief sweeping over me. “Good.”

She relaxed, too, and I noticed how much our bodies played off one another’s. It was nice to be so in tune with someone. When she moved, I mirrored her, and vice versa. My hands never lost the need to touch her, but I’d refrain for as long as I could.

We stood there in silence for a little while longer. The wind tracked a strand of hair across her face. I tucked it around her ear but once I made actual skin contact, I didn’t want to lose it again. I traced the line of her jaw and down her neck to her shoulders. She shivered, and, without thinking, I pressed her up against the cement wall and kissed away the space between us.

She wound her arms around my hips, grabbed onto my belt loops and pulled me forward. When my erection met her soft body, she gasped, and I took the welcome opportunity to deepen the kiss. In that moment, I could pretend we were in the water again, not a care in the world. She wasn’t hurting because she sure as hell wasn’t acting like it. Her breathy moans took on a whole new pitch, and I knew I’d taken it too far for being out in a public space and not behind locked doors. I pulled my lower body away from hers and kissed her softly, a bare brush of lips across lips.

“What is it?” she asked, breathless, and with fear darkening her eyes.

Her heaving chest rose and fell against my shirt. I wanted this as badly, or even more so, than she did. I couldn’t stay away. I didn’t have enough willpower to.

There was so much innocence in her and something else, too. An overwhelming urge to have her swamped me. The look on my face must have changed because she froze, eyeing me. I owed it to myself to see where her head was at, didn’t I?

“About what happened with you and Nate, do you—?”

“Hey, there you are.”

I stepped away from Em as the familiar voice surrounded me. My father walked toward us, his hands in his pockets. I hadn’t seen him since I got back, and no doubt, he wanted to make sure I was okay. “Dad,” I said, hugging him.

“We missed you around here.”

He smiled at Em, and I took the moment to introduce them. They shook hands and relief flooded my father’s face, making it shine. Like Finn, he was ecstatic I was with anyone but Kelsey. Not that they all didn’t love Kelsey, they just didn’t love Kelsey and me together.

Dad backed slowly away, a flimsy excuse on his lips as he slipped around the side of the building.

I had to laugh and Em giggled. “You look like him. And he’s so sweet. I see where you get it now.”

“If you think I look like him, you need to meet Declan. They could be twins if they weren’t thirty-plus years apart.”

She smiled, and asking about Nate now sounded so stupid.

“You were saying?”

I grabbed her hand. “I know we went about this kind of backward, but I’m going to need to see you again and not just about your car. Maybe we could go on a date? You know, start from the beginning?”

“If you want to start at the beginning, we can, but I’d like to keep the kissing. If we can’t, no deal.”

I bent my head to hers in answer and swept my lips over hers—briefly.

She pouted. “That wasn’t fair.”

“We both got something we wanted.”

She quirked a knowing eyebrow before leaning back against the concrete. “I did come here under the pretense of asking about my car. I suppose I should probably ask about it.”

I chuckled to myself and loved the feeling of it. For too long I’d been shackled in place by circumstances. I wanted to shake them off. Permanently. And she’d just given me the perfect excuse to see her again. “I’m going to tow your car to my parents’ house and fix it in their garage. My dad’s got all the same tools that I’d need. He started the business there. If that’s okay with you, I mean.”

She was already shaking her head. “I’m not going to let you fix my car for free. Thanks, though. That’s sweet.”

“I want to.” Her head whipped back and forth before I even finished the sentence. “Compromise?” I asked.

Her eyes were uncertain. “What do you have in mind?”

I smiled to myself. I’d set it up perfectly. “I’ve got a great idea. I’ll still tow the car to my parents’ place but instead of doing all the work for you, I’ll teach you how to fix it. Everyone should know at least a little about the cars they drive.”

Her eyebrows climbed. “You’re going to teach me how to fix a flat?”

“And a bent rim. And possibly how to put new brakes on. Among other things.”

“You have no idea what you just got yourself in to.”

Oh, I think I do. And I think I’m going to love it. “This weekend. I’ll pick you up, we’ll drive out to my parents’ house, and I’ll give you your first mechanics lesson. Deal?”

She held out her hand. “Why do I feel like you got the crap end of the deal?”

“Because I did.”

She laughed, and a thrill shot through me. We’d gotten back some of the freedom we’d lost between Maryland and here. I took her hand and walked her to the end of the street. Before she left, I grabbed her hips.

She tensed and my fingers buzzed. I remembered the feel of her hips from the other night—that nice indentation where they curved inward to meet her thighs—and then all those images of her came crashing back into me.

I so got the better end of the deal.

Chapter Ten

EM

You’re being ridiculous babe. Call me.

This is stupid. R u really not going to call me again? Or talk to me?

Hey. I miss u.

I’m layin on the beach thinking of our first time…

They. Wouldn’t. Stop. Coming. The image that last text brought to mind rolled my stomach. Nate must have realized I blocked his number because the texts were sent from a different one.

He sucked.

My phone beeped and I reluctantly turned it over. It was him. Another text message lit up the screen: You’re a fucking bitch. Just wait til I get back to town.

No no no. I exited out of the conversation, but another message popped up before I could shut my phone off.

Hey.

Thank the Lord. It was Ronan. Instead of texting him back where other texts might pop up¸ I called him.

“Hey,” he said, a smile in his voice.

“You texted?”

“Yeah. You didn’t think I would?”

“I was hoping.”

Butterflies filled my stomach. I hadn’t known if he’d go back to the Ronan of the last leg of our journey. The distracted, disinterested one. I didn’t want to give him a chance to change his mind.

“What are you doing later?” I asked. “I need to get out of the house.” And away from my phone. And my brain.

“I’m at work until three or so.”

I couldn’t help the disappointment in my voice. It was only noon. “Oh, okay.”

“But I was going to go catch a Reds game with Finn afterward. They’ve got a double-header. Their game got rained out last night. We may not stay for both games, but you can come if you want.”

“Reds? The baseball team?”

“Yeah. The Triple-A team. Tell me you’ve been before.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’ve been. Just not since I was ten or so.”

I heard the amusement in his voice. “You’ll have fun. Promise. I’ll pick you up?”

Hmm. I had a better idea. The very brief conversation I’d had with Tina since returning home had involved one Finn Pearse, and if he was half as awesome as Ronan, he’d be great for Tina. I was pretty sure she only was in lust with him, but at least she could have a little fun. “Can we meet there? I think I’ll ask Tina if she wants to come, too.”

Tina and I stepped out of the car. She was still grumbling. Had been since she picked me up. Like I’d expected, she only agreed after I told her Ronan and Finn were going to be there. Then she’d said, “I guess the uniforms the players wear are nice, too. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to stare at glorious pairs of butt cheeks for the next couple of hours.” She seemed to mull it over, but she didn’t fool me. She had her sights set on Finn.

We walked toward the front gate and I spotted the boys. “There they are.”

She tilted her head, her dark hair falling over her face. “Damn. That is a fine-ass picture. I’d like to be the insides of a Ronan and Finn sandwich.”

Jealousy poked at me but I tempered it. Tina was Tina. She grabbed my upper arm. “Dude. I need to stop or I’ll be useless the rest of the day.”

“When are you ever useful?”

Her smart-ass response was lost when I called out to the guys.

Ronan waved us over. “You didn’t buy tickets, did you? I forgot to mention we get free ones at the shop. My dad advertises here.”

He handed Tina—who was devouring Finn with her eyes at the moment—and me a ticket. Ronan wore a backward baseball hat with a shirt that hugged his biceps. Finn dressed similarly, but with no hat. They were quite a sight together. I kind of wished he’d worn what he’d had on earlier, grease and all. He was downright sexy when all muscled and sweaty.

With the hat on, though, he reminded me a little of the boy I’d crushed on when we were younger. He reached out and tugged the ponytail I’d gathered over my right shoulder. “You look cute.”

My throat constricted, and a happy lurch in my stomach made me feel like a pre-teen again. I tried to clear the tightness in my throat and say, “Thank you,” but it came out all wrong. Husky and breathy.

Yep, I was total, infatuated goo inside.

Though we hadn’t labeled it as such on the phone earlier, this seemed like a date. He said we’d started backward, and, in essence, we had. Dates were what usually happened in beginnings. Yep, this was totally a date. Had to be. Holy crap. Nerves twisted my stomach to knots at the thought.

When he and Finn turned to give their tickets to the usher, Tina bumped me with her elbow. “Nice going,” she hissed. “How old are you? Thirteen?”

I widened my eyes at her. “I can’t help it.”

She giggled into the back of her hand. “You got it bad.”

I shook my head, but we both knew I was a damn liar. I hadn’t told Tina very much about the impromptu road trip back home but she wasn’t blind. My thoughts were probably oozing out of all my pores. She was most definitely jumping for joy inside.

Ronan and Finn stopped in front of a concession stand and scanned the menu.

Tina turned her back to them and looked out at the field. “You need to tell me what the hell happened on this trip, girl. You are freaking out.”

I laughed, and then quieted down to a whisper. “I can’t help it. Really, I can’t.”

She shook her head and started to say something else when Ronan turned back. I elbowed her.

“You guys want anything? Share nachos or…?”

Tina spun. “Nachos are good.” Her smile took up her entire face. “And Em loves cotton candy.”

Ronan regarded me, and my smile tightened. I wasn’t going to have them buy us food in case we weren’t actually on a date. I stepped forward. “We can get our own snacks, Ronan. It’s fine. In fact, we should be treating you because you got us the tickets.”

I fished through my purse for my credit card but Ronan stepped toward me and grabbed my hand. “No girl of mine is paying for anything.” He bent over and kissed my nose. “Now tell me what you want and I’ll order it.”

RONAN

When the workers behind the counter started loading up two trays of food, Em’s eyes bugged out. I shrugged. “What can I say? We’re growing boys.”

Finn handed her the cotton candy like it had herpes. “How can you eat that garbage? It’s just sugar.”

She tore the bag from his hand, her face flaming. “It’s flavored sugar. The flavored bit makes it awesome.”

He scoffed. “Empty calories.”

The color drained from her face, and I touched her elbow. When she looked up, I smiled. I could read her face. Though Finn didn’t mean a damn thing by calling the cotton candy crap food, she’d probably heard the same thing from Nate too many times.

A look filled with unspoken words passed between us, and at the end, Em tipped her chin up and gestured toward the tray in Finn’s hand, piled high with nachos, several hot dogs, and a couple slices of pizza. “If I ate like you, I’d weigh five thousand pounds.”

Finn looked her up and down. I knew what he was thinking before he even said it. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

Em’s cheeks flushed pink. I punched Finn in the arm. I was happy he may have given her a confidence boost, but he was a total flirt. Sometimes he didn’t know when to step off.

“Dude, I get it. You like her,” he said. “You don’t need to punch me. We’re not in second grade anymore.”

I was twenty-one years old, and my older brother still embarrassed the shit out of me. “Just…take your tray, Finn, and go get us seats.”

He winked before turning. Tina followed him like a little puppy dog on a leash. He had that effect on women.

Em grabbed the second tray from the counter. I took it from her and gave her a warning look. “I’ll get that. And sorry about Finn. He didn’t mean anything about the calorie thing.”

She shrugged and walked with me over to the condiments, where we loaded up with ketchup and napkins. “I could tell he was coming from a teasing place, not a nasty one. You know what’s weird? I don’t remember him from high school.”

“You wouldn’t. He’s two years older than me, so he was gone by the time you were a freshman.”

I took the stairs toward the first base side, where Finn would sit. Since it was an afternoon game, there wasn’t that much of a crowd. He motioned for Em to sit next to him, but I sat there instead.

Leaning over, I whispered in his ear, “Dude, are you trying to royally piss me off?”

He shook his head and smirked. “Jealous, already? You must’ve gotten some.”

Em grabbed a fry and tossed it in her mouth. “You know I can hear you guys, right?”

Finn didn’t even blink. “Oh, I’m counting on it. Please help my brother live a little.”

She sat back in her seat. When I turned to her, she said, “Your brother’s fun.”

“I’m glad someone thinks so.”

After a few tormented innings of listening to Finn flirt with Tina, I realized I hadn’t gone about this date thing right. I wasn’t living as Finn suggested I do. I was on a double date with my brother. I should’ve had Em all to myself so we could talk like we did on the trip. As it was, instead of watching the game and cheering on the Reds, my sole focus was on her. The way she inched forward in her seat every time we were up to bat. The way she clapped her hands. The dazzling smile she gave me when we scored a run. I was watching the Em Show without being fully able to appreciate it. It was pure torture.

I grabbed her leg and trailed my fingers up her thigh while I leaned toward her ear. “I’m thinking we should get out of here.”

She released a breath. “Oh?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“How? Tina drove me here.”

“Finn and I came separately. They can figure it out.”

With just those few plans made, Em and I left a bewildered Tina and Finn at the game and took off in my truck. As soon as I shut the door of my apartment behind us, I took her in my arms and kissed her with everything I had in me. “I know I said we needed to start at the beginning, but you’re driving me crazy.”

“We had a beginning already. We don’t need another. Ours was perfect.”

My thoughts bolted miles ahead, but one hurdle kept tripping me up. I kissed her lips softly. “Are you okay?”

She pulled away, guard instantly up. “What do you mean?”

No fear, I told myself. “This might sound dumb, but are you okay to start something with me? With all the stuff that happened… I know what it’s like to lose something you thought you’d always have.”

The anger slipped from her face, and concern replaced it. “Is this about Kyle? Or Kelsey? I don’t know if I ever believed I’d have Nate forever.”

“I’m not talking about people, I’m talking about emotions. I’m talking about your pride. Your innocence. I saw the humiliation in your eyes when you told me about Nate. Dammit, Em. It undid me. I saw myself in you.”

Her eyes welled with tears, and she took a shaky breath. “I feel…I felt foolish. But it isn’t me. It’s him. I’m strong.” She reached out and ran her hands through my hair. “It helped knowing that there are guys like you out there. You’re so sweet. And perfect. You’re strong, too, you know. He may have broken me for a second, but not forever. I am so ready to get involved with a guy like you, Ronan.”

Though that made me happy, I backed away and shoved my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t be tempted to touch her. She needed to understand what kind of guy she was getting involved with. “I’m not as good as you make me out to be. It’s been nine months since Kyle died, and I can’t make a right decision to save my life. I’ve screwed everything up.”

“Is this about Kelsey? And Chase?”

I started to nod and then shook my head. I didn’t know. Yes, no, maybe. Fuck. I was all messed up.

She put her hand on my arm. “Tell me.”

I fell back onto the bed and ran my hands over my short hair. Next to me, the mattress dipped slightly, and I felt Em’s closeness as if she were touching me, urging me on. If we were going to be free, all our secrets had to be out there. “I dated Kelsey because…because Kyle asked me to, right before he died.”

Amazement lined her question. “What?”

“The night Kyle died, he came up to me and said, ‘I need you to take care of my sister when I go back. Date Kelsey, okay?’ I’d laughed it off, of course, because we were all pretty drunk, and that was such a weird request for him to make, right? Of course I’d look after her. We were friends. I didn’t have to date her to do that. He shouldn’t have had to ask. But then we got into that accident and Kyle died, and I was so freaking lost. Kelsey was broken and she only had me. We only had each other, Em. What was I supposed to do?”

The emotion drained from my face as a memory hit. I’d never really thought about taking Kyle’s request all the way until last Christmas Eve. And even then, it wasn’t a conscious decision.

She’d called me, crying, “I’m not okay. I’m not okay.”

Of course, because Kyle had told me to take care of her, I rushed over. I let myself in. Like normal, my knocks on the front door had gone unanswered, the same as the previous two weeks. I shut the door and walked toward Kelsey’s room.

There weren’t any decorations up. No tree. Nothing had changed from the day Kyle died. He still should have been home that night. He wasn’t due to return to duty until after the New Year.

Passing Kyle’s door was another knife to the heart. It was closed. It was always closed now.

I knocked on Kelsey’s door, and in a tiny voice she called, “Come in.”

She was lying on her bed, face tear-streaked and red. It was the worst I’d seen her. She’d looked like a broken baby doll, and there was nothing I could do about it. I clicked the door shut behind me and went to her. She reached out slowly and interlaced her fingers with mine. Seeing her hurt like hell. Everything she had been doing was what I wanted to be doing. But if I were as broken up as she was, who would be there for her? There wasn’t anybody left to our group. Just me. And her.

She pulled on my hand. “Lay with me?” Her bed creaked when I got in. She scooted over, but since it was twin-size, we were basically on top of one another. “I can’t sleep because I dream about him, but I don’t want to be awake, Bear.”

I bore down on my jaw, willing the cracks in my armor to somehow stay together. “I know, Kelsey.”

“It’s Christmas Eve.” She shut her eyes and her face crumpled. “He won’t be here to wake up with me at three in the morning and shake the presents. He won’t be here to put them back right where they were so Mom and Dad won’t find out. He won’t be here to fall asleep with me on the couch watching stupid old western movies because that’s the only thing worth watching at that time of the morning. He won’t be here.” A sob crippled her body. Hair had matted to her forehead. “He won’t ever be here for a Christmas ever again. And New Year’s…who’s going to sneak me out drinking? Who’s going to make sure I’m safe?”

“I am, Kelsey. I’m going to make sure you’re safe.” Wasn’t that what Kyle had wanted? Keep Kelsey safe. Kelsey. Safe.

Her eyes opened. “You will?”

“Of course I will.”

She smiled. Her lips fluttered like the jerky motions of a baby bird learning to fly. She needed to relearn everything in a world without Kyle. Smiles used to appear effortlessly as if she hadn’t a care in the world. She gave them out freely and often. Not now. “Thanks, Bear.”

For a while, it was quiet. I thought she’d fallen asleep, but she hadn’t. “Do you think he’s okay?”

No matter how much I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and block out the images that assaulted me, I didn’t. I couldn’t let her see what I’d seen. It would break her. But how could I answer? Was he okay? I had no clue. He certainly wasn’t okay when he died.

I did the first thing I could think of. I lied. “I’m sure he’s looking down at you right now and laughing. He’s in heaven, right? He’s probably sitting on a great big cloud, chuckling his ass off.”

She smiled again, and it came more quickly, but left just as soon. “I want to be where he is.”

“No, Kelsey. You can’t be where he is. I’m going to look after you. It’s going to be you and me, okay? When you need someone, you call me. I’ll be here.”

I couldn’t say for sure how it happened, but I couldn’t stand to see her sad face anymore and Kyle’s last words were whipping around inside my head. Date her. Make sure she’s okay. It’s like he knew something was going to happen to him. How could I deny him his last wish?

Suddenly, my lips were on hers. They were wet with liquid salt. I squeezed my eyes shut and kissed her until her whimpers stopped and she kissed me back. We kissed and kissed and kissed. We kissed right into Christmas morning when kids all around the world were getting up to sneak out to the tree. We kissed right through it so we wouldn’t feel. We kissed until it felt right. And normal. Until the memories of Kyle asking for my help were a numb ache that I settled.

Em put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Kyle asked you to do that? Wow. He must’ve trusted you more than anything.”

“Not anymore. She’s shacked up with the guy who killed him, and I’ve failed. She doesn’t even want to see me. I don’t understand why she can’t see what it’s doing to me.” I dropped my hands and looked at her. “I just want things to go back to the way they were. But I owe Kyle everything. I can’t sit here and say that it’s right she’s with Chase.”

Em shuddered out a breath. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but he loves Kelsey. He’s not going to let anything happen to her.”

“He loved Kyle, too.”

She stood and moved in front of me. “Well, you can’t do anything about it if you don’t see her, Ronan. She said you’d have to forgive Chase to be friends again, right? Then just do it. Even if you don’t really feel it. If you’re that worried about Kelsey, play her game. And as someone who has seen the two of them together, and who knew Chase back before the accident, I can tell you he’s a totally different person. I think you’ll see that, too. Just give them a chance. It’s okay…and she’s okay. She’s happier than I’ve seen her since Kyle died.”

She paused, fretting over her lower lip. “I know you didn’t ask for my opinion, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. It doesn’t sound like you’re dealing with this all too well. I think if you want to see her, you should see her, regardless if Chase comes along. If you’re worried about her, and won’t feel right until you know she’s okay, then that’s what you’re going to have to do to make sure you’re okay. She’s in a better place than you are right now. And who knows? Maybe you’ll forgive Chase, too.”

I took her hand and pulled her down, her legs straddling my hips. “Will you help me?”

She smiled as I playfully nipped at her lips. “Depends.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Well, it’s the whole kissing thing again. I think we need to do it more often.”

“Mmm.” I trailed my lips along her neck. “If we do that, someone’s going to have to tell Kelsey we’re dating.” I paused for a few seconds. “Not it.”

She pushed at my chest. “Not fair.”

I ran my hands up the inside of her thighs and teased the seam of her pants. Her head fell back. I knew I had her then. “Well?”

“Mmm. I’ll do it.”

A groan escaped my lips as I slid my palms over the back side of her legs and pulled her onto my hips. Slowly, I laid her down and hovered over her. I lifted the hem of her shirt and kissed the bruise on her stomach. Her muscles tightened under my touch. I kissed up her body, higher and higher, taking her top with me until I pulled it over her head and threw it behind me.

Em reached out and pulled my ass down, cradling me between her legs. We both moaned at the contact. I rolled my hips into her and her back arched. I knew what I wanted. Em was amazing and she was ready for a relationship. She made things seem possible, and that was what I wanted for my life now. I wanted Kelsey in it without Kyle’s wish hovering over me. I wanted a friend. I wanted a friend back, dammit. I just had to work on me. On letting myself go.

She ground her hips against me until I was so hard it was painful.

“I want you, Em. I want to slide inside your warmth.”

In answer, she found the zipper of my jeans and pushed it down. I kicked my pants off and she did the same. Making contact with just boxer briefs and lace was better but not the best.

I yanked her panties down. “I want these off. I want to be inside you now, beautiful girl.”

Em groaned as I slipped my fingers along her wet clit. I rid myself of my boxers and then grabbed a condom from the dresser. Pushed by a need so deep, I slid inside her without hesitation. We cried out together, but I didn’t stop there. I took Em. She was mine. The sound of the headboard hitting the wall, of Em gasping, of skin smacking urged me on, and I drove into her again and again.

“Fuck yes,” I groaned.

Em met me stroke for stroke, her nails biting into my ass. I grabbed her hips and pulled her toward the edge of the bed. She wrapped her legs around me. Her pleas rose higher and higher until she screamed my name, her walls tightening around my dick just as my release shot through me, and I poured all my dreams into her. Everything I ever wanted was in Em.

No fear.

Chapter Eleven

EM

Fifteen text messages and twenty-five missed calls from three different numbers since I’d had the best sex of my life and they weren’t even from the right guy.

Ronan dropped me off at my house early the next morning, but it wasn’t until after my shower I’d noticed the texts and the calls. This had to be harassment. I needed to do something. Call the police? But that seemed so cliché. What if he was all talk, and I made everyone worry over nothing?

The voice in the back of my head reared its head and said, “So what?”

She was right, that voice. He shouldn’t be leaving me messages and calls. He was out of his mind. After I dressed, I walked straight to the police station and had a conversation with Officer Lively, who took all the information and assured me he’d be having a talk with Nate.

Nervous energy had me in constant motion when I returned to the house. I did the laundry. I cleaned the kitchen. When I finished with the bathroom, I tried to take a nap but that only allowed my mind to wander. That wouldn’t do.

I left my cell on the bed and went back into the kitchen where I carefully put together a nice lunch. Three sandwiches, a whole bag of chips and a couple waters later, I was done packing. Closing the door to my house behind me, I set off toward Ronan’s garage. Deciding to turn over all the information on my cell to police hadn’t been the only decision I’d made that morning. I also called Kelsey and set up a dinner for the four of us.

She’d been so happy when I told her there was something between Ronan and me. Her enthusiasm made me feel dumb for even being nervous about telling her. I knew their relationship hadn’t been like that. It was just two people reaching out to one another when they needed it the most. But she was his good friend. Deep down, I wanted her approval.

When I turned the corner to the block Pearse’s Garage sat on, Ronan was driving an SUV out of one of the docks and parking it near the road. He stepped out and I took a moment to devour him with my eyes before waving to get his attention.

He paused until he recognized me, a smile lighting his face. “What are you doing here?”

I raised the bag in my hand. “Bringing you lunch. You got time?”

He snuck a glance toward the garage and then nodded. “Let’s walk to the park.”

While we walked, I stared at him some more. He wore regular clothes, a T-shirt and jeans that didn’t much conceal his muscular body. Damn. This boy knew how to wear clothes. Most people picked outfits because they looked good in them, but Ronan? No, he decorated what he wore, not the other way around.

As soon as I laid the sandwiches, chips, and water out on the picnic table, I sat and asked, “Is it okay that I showed up?”

His eyebrow rose, then he looked back down at a sandwich and freed it from the zipped-up bag. He took a bite, taking his time chewing it.

He was completely silent as he finished the first sandwich and opened up the chips. Popping one in his mouth, he pointed at the sandwich in front of me. “Don’t you like your sandwich?”

I sighed and bit a huge chunk out of it to make him happy. He tried to hide his smile.

“I take it you like sour cream and onion too?” I asked.

“I prefer barbecue, but these are okay.”

When he saw my glare, he smiled bigger.

Relief flooded through me. “Are you mad I came here?”

His face screwed up. “Are you kidding? I love it that you came here. I’ve been thinking about you all morning. I just wasn’t going to dignify your question with an answer.”

In a voice so tiny I was surprised it came from my mouth, I asked, “Really?”

He lowered his voice, and the heated look on his face did funny things to my stomach. “Don’t tell me you’re going to go shy on me now. Not after last night.”

Heat barreled through me. If he kept staring like that, I’d let him take me right on this picnic table.

Focus, Em. Focus. “I have news.”

He gave me a long look.

“Kelsey’s been waiting on you to make the first move, right? To her, it’s on you if you want to have a relationship, because she has one stipulation.”

“I have to forgive Chase.”

I nodded. “Sorry if I overstepped things, but last night, it sounded as if you’d do pretty much anything to talk to Kelsey again. So, I called her this morning and told her you wanted to go to dinner. The four of us. You don’t have to forgive Chase for real if you don’t want to. Just act like you do for now.”

He sat back. “I’m no actor, Em.”

“Then ignore him. Just do enough so that everyone thinks you’re willing to let sleeping dogs lie or whatever the hell that saying is.”

His eyes churned a deep blue, and his mouth pulled into a straight line. I wondered if he’d be able to do it, even for Kelsey. This whole thing could blow up in my face. We were talking epic detonation if this didn’t go well.

I reached out and covered his hand with mine. There was a smudge of something on his wrist, and I rubbed it away. “Ronan?”

He pulled me forward and our lips locked over the picnic table. I fused my lips to his and basked in every little nip and pull he gave me until he pulled away. “I think I can do anything if you’re there beside me,” he said. “Did you tell Kelsey about us?”

I nodded as he trailed kisses down my neck to my collarbone. “She’s ecstatic.”

He growled and nipped at my skin.

“I’m glad you’re not mad about me pushing you with the whole Kelsey thing.”

He didn’t take his lips away from me as he spoke. “I needed a push.”

My head fell back as he lowered the front of my tank top and kissed me in a place that was just low enough to be indecent. “I think we need a room.”

He pulled away, his eyes still glazed over with need. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me when I’m around you. I can’t keep myself in check.”

“I like it.”

“You and me both.” He sighed and sat back. “You heard from Nate lately?”

I blinked. My body turned cold and I hid my face in a napkin. “No.” The lie popped out before I could think better of it. “Haven’t heard.”

“That’s a good sign.”

It would be if it were true.

Chapter Twelve

RONAN

The text Em had just sent me made the nerves in my stomach all but disappear

No fear.

She sat right next to me in the truck, waiting for me to make the first move to get out. I could do this. I needed to focus on Kelsey…and Em. I looked over and smiled.

I’d been struck dumb when she’d opened the door to her house earlier. She wore a cute summer dress. It showed off her shoulders, her darkening tan, and her legs. She was beautiful and I’d immediately wanted to push her inside and forget about this stupid dinner.

“Ronan?”

“Hmm?”

“You ready?”

Her warm eyes coaxed a ridiculously huge smile onto my face. “You bet.”

She reached out, squeezing my arm. “I know you’re freaking.”

Her touch made my skin burn. If we didn’t get out of the truck, I’d be christening it.

I helped her from the seat. As she stepped down, the strap of her dress fell from her shoulder. I pushed it back up, taking more time than needed.

“You look good, by the way,” she said, straightening my collared shirt.

My throat thickened. “That dress makes me want to do things to you. Things like we did in my apartment the other day.”

She pulled at the skirt of her dress. “Just remember, this is any other day. A few friends getting together, hanging out, that sort of thing. Don’t act weird and it won’t be weird.”

“It’s going to be weird.”

The whole thing was already strange. I should’ve been stressing about the dinner, but I wasn’t even thinking about Chase, or worrying about Kelsey—not with Em in front of me. I could barely remember what we were doing this for.

She dropped her chin, and her eyes were soft and doe-like. “If it looks like you need help, I’ll be there for you.”

Her shiny lips beckoned me, and I kissed her slowly, making a memory to live off of for the few hours we’d be unable to.

We pulled away in time to see Kelsey emerge from the restaurant. Leaving me standing there, Em walked up and hugged her.

“Hey.” Em smiled, but she seemed nervous now, too.

Kelsey turned to me. “Hi, Bear.”

She rocked back and forth on the heels of her shoes. She always did that when she was worried.

“Hey.”

She motioned toward the door, an anxious excitement making her moves jerky. “Well, come on. We just got seated. Chase is in there waiting for us.”

We wouldn’t want to keep Chase waiting now, would we?

Kelsey turned, and Em elbowed me in the stomach. She put her finger over her lips to shush me as if she’d guessed what I’d said in my head.

Once inside, I spotted Chase right away. If I hadn’t, Kelsey would’ve tipped me off. She made a beeline straight for him and kissed him before sitting down. I sat next to her and Em sat on my left. I sure as hell wasn’t sitting next to Chase. But now he was directly in front of me. I had to try not to look at him. I picked up my napkin, then the menu, and every other thing within arm’s length just so I wouldn’t have to look up.

Em shifted beside me. “Hey, Chase. How’s it going?”

Chase smiled at her and for a split second, I wanted to reach over and rip his damn lips from his face. “Things are good. How are you?”

I didn’t even hear her reply. I was deafened by the pain of her heel pushing into my shin. Hard. Fucking wonderful. I was within kicking distance. I opened the menu and acted way too interested in what I was about to eat.

“I bet I can guess what Bear’s getting.”

That was Kelsey. I lowered the menu.

She stared at me with a half-smile. “You’re going to get steak. You always get steak.”

My mouth went dry. I did always get steak. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was she only reminded me of all the times the four of us had gone out before.

This was too much.

My eyes shifted around and accidentally fell on Chase. He was staring at me with a weird expression on his face. He looked almost…sad.

Em reached out and pretended to read over my arm. “Oh, really? Which steak are you getting? The strip? Or the filet?” When I still didn’t answer, she said, “I’m probably going to get the filet.”

“Me too,” I said finally, after seeing the encouragement in her eyes, the gentle widening of them, pleading with me to speak. “What about you, Kelsey?”

She had a full-blown smile on her face now. None of that half smile bullshit. “Oh, I don’t know. Probably the stuffed chicken.” We all answered with her at the same time. Well, everyone except Em.

That made us laugh, and Em said, “You guys have been friends for way too long. Seriously.”

Friends. That was what I wanted, right? I could do this. It could be like old times. I just had to let myself go.

Chase’s mom used to take the four of us out to this restaurant all the time. This was her favorite place to eat. We’d spend all of dinner talking about everything and nothing. Em was right. I could order for Kelsey, and Chase, too, even though it killed me to admit it. “If Kyle were here…” My voice cracked so I cleared it. “If Kyle were here, he’d be getting ribs.”

Kelsey touched my hand. It felt good to feel it again and understand that it was in friendship and nothing else.

“With a side of salt potatoes,” Chase said.

I looked up at him—on purpose—finally. While he spoke, he stared at Kelsey’s hand on my arm. He didn’t look upset about it. In fact, it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

I nodded in his direction, which drew his eyes to mine. He nodded back without a word.

This was surreal. I’d promised myself I would never have anything to do with Chase Crowley again, but here I was, only months after Kyle died, breaking that promise. We were at the same table. Talking about the past. It was oddly familiar. And…nice.

Em’s hand gripped my leg. Her eyes were misting as she stared up at me. I couldn’t help myself. I bent over and kissed her nose.

Her gaze rose above me and her jaw tensed.

“What is it?” I asked.

She shook her head and went back to reading the menu.

“What is it?” I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

“Oh, hell,” Kelsey said.

I glanced at Kelsey, who was looking at Em. “What?”

“It’s fine,” Em said.

“It’s not fine,” Kelsey answered. To me, she said, “Nate’s here. He just walked in.”

I stood up so fast, the empty wineglasses on the table fell. Chase followed suit. I didn’t have time to admire that about him. He’d always— He had my back, but for that one time.

“Ronan—” Em started, but then she paled. “He’s coming over.”

Chase came around to our side of the table with his hand extended to Em. “Dance?” he asked.

Goddamn. Why hadn’t I thought of that? It was a good excuse to get her away from him. I was thinking if Nate had the balls to come over and bother her, I’d punch the fucker in the face. He wouldn’t lay a hand on her with me here.

She looked at me before taking Chase’s hand. I wanted to offer instead, but he was already leading her away.

Kelsey and I watched them move toward the center of the dining room where a few couples already danced. When we were little, and I mean real little, we would’ve been out there, too. One of us always had to dance with Chase’s mom and the other would dance with Kelsey. One lucky boy got the chance to sit out. The girls never knew, but we used to rock, paper, scissors to decide. It didn’t matter—we all got our fair share of excruciating embarrassment by the end of the night.

“Chase likes Em. He thinks she’s spunky.” Her eyes searched the room the entire time, but it looked like Nate had abandoned the idea of coming over to us. “She’s just real, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said, staring at them dancing.

“Are you going to ask me to dance?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her face screwed up into a frown, and after a while she said, “Do you think we should talk about what happened between us?”

“Like?” My heart hammered against the inside of my chest. A part of me wanted to tell her I didn’t give a crap about that right now. It didn’t matter what happened before. It only mattered what was happening now.

“Bear, I—”

“Maybe we should cut in,” I said. I couldn’t stand being on the other side of the room when Em needed me.

We went to the dance floor, and when Kelsey put her hand on Chase’s shoulder, I grabbed Em. Nate stared at us as if he were trying to set me on fire. I held her tight to me and tried to spin her away from him. He sat with an older couple. His parents, I assumed. He wouldn’t have the balls to do anything tonight, then, even if he wanted to. Em said she hadn’t heard from him, so it was possible he’d backed off for good.

“You okay?” I whispered, smoothing her hair against her shoulders.

She trembled, but she nodded anyway and kept her eyes glued to me.

“Sorry. I should’ve thought of the whole dancing thing first.”

“It’s okay. You’ve got a lot going on right now. I know my problems aren’t even a blip on your radar.”

I held her away at arm’s length. “Don’t say that. Your problems are everything to me. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Let’s get out of here. What you’re going through is way more important than anything else.”

She looked down and nibbled on her lower lip. “This is important.”

I forced her eyes back up with a finger under her chin. “So are you. You know that, right? Tell me you know that.”

A soft smile spread her lips. Jesus. Those lips.

EM

My legs trembled so badly I could barely keep my balance. Praying Ronan wouldn’t notice, I walked to the car way slower than normal. I’d wanted to leave since Nate showed up, but I also hadn’t wanted to ruin Ronan’s reunion dinner.

Nate scared me though. If the police had gotten a chance to talk to him, he’d surely be pissed off. They’d asked if I wanted to press charges, but I said no. I just wanted him to stay away and stop harassing me. That was it.

Kelsey and Chase wore similar suspicious looks when we told them we were leaving. I’d told them I wasn’t feeling well, which I supposed was a half-truth. Nate’s presence made me want to hurl. I was afraid he would hurt me again. I was scared, too, because Ronan wouldn’t have any of it, and he shouldn’t have to worry about Nate when he was trying so hard to be around Kelsey and Chase again.

Kelsey had followed us outside. We left her standing in the entryway to the restaurant. Ronan was silent on the drive until we got to my house.

“Do you still have that swing set?” He laughed when I looked at him funny. “Okay. Your eyes are bugging out of your head. You do remember we crashed your birthday party in seventh grade, don’t you? I stuck my whole fist in my mouth. I thought it was memorable.”

“I remember,” I choked out. “I just didn’t know you would.”

He smiled, got out of the car, and took my hand. We walked to the side yard and sat in swings right next to each other. “I remember it being bigger.”

I looked up at the cross bar, and beyond that to the stars. “Funny how skewed your perception is when you’re little. Everything’s so big. Everything’s so important.”

He moved his swing over and knocked it into mine. “Yeah. I see what you mean. Weird how ten years ago my biggest worry was if my parents were going to take me out for ice cream after the football game. Things are so different now.”

He couldn’t be more right. How had ice cream turned into jealous ex-boyfriends? “Thank you for not telling Kelsey what happened with Nate.”

“Does anybody else know besides me?”

My hair fell into my face as I shook my head. “God no. Not everything. Tina knows a little.”

Ronan grabbed the chains of my swing and pulled me toward him. “You don’t have to be ashamed of it. No one will think any less of you if you tell them everything that happened.”

“I’ll feel less of me.”

He was so close the air that passed from his lips brushed my cheek. “I used to think that, too. But seeing how brave you’re being is giving me the courage to do something big. Hell, Em. I just went to a dinner with Kelsey and Chase. I thought that would never happen again. He took from me one of the most important people in my life. You have no idea how important Kyle was to me.”

“He was your best friend. I get it.”

Ronan shook his head. “He was more than that. Way more.”

“Tell me.”

A faraway look stole across Ronan’s expression and I swallowed. The air shifted. The conversation had just taken a very serious turn. His arms were taut as they held my swing. His face worked as if he were getting up the strength to form words he didn’t want to. I waited patiently. I understood how it felt to not want to put something into words, as if actually forming the sentence made it real. If the words were never spoken, maybe they wouldn’t be true. That was just a lie we told ourselves though.

Finally, the corners of his mouth tilted up. “I’m about to tell you something nobody else knows besides my immediate family. The only way I’m going to be able to get the courage to tell you is if I say, first of all, that this is why I love Kyle and Chase so much. I needed someone when my family moved us here, and they took me on as a friend. I don’t even know how I got so lucky. You’ve seen it yourself. Their group is pretty much impenetrable, but for some reason, they chose me. I owe them my life.”

I linked my fingers with his and the words seemed to flow more easily for him. “I owe them my life because…I tried to take mine.”

A roll of nausea turned my stomach. My nails gripped his knuckles like a lifeline. “What happened?”

He looked at my hand in his and then up to the stars. “One person can have a profound effect on your life.” His other hand found our linked ones and squeezed. “There are some people that add to it. Like you.”

A flit of a smile formed on his face, but then he went back to staring and talking as if I weren’t even there.

“One person can make you miserable. Can make your life a living hell and ensure that it will always be that way. I had nowhere to turn and no escape. I wanted out. I didn’t want a life where I had to worry from first stepping on the school bus in the morning to stepping off at night. But I did. I worried over how many kids were going to hate me that day. How many kids were going to torture me because of my size? I was at least a foot taller than everyone else in my class when I was younger. Now, it doesn’t seem like a big deal to be bigger than most people, but it was then. They picked on me mercilessly about it then kept at it because I never did anything to stop them. My parents told me I should never use my size as an advantage.”

A tear slipped from his eye and I wiped it away.

“You might have noticed how Finn is always worried about me. He’s tried to fix me and my problems ever since he found me that day in a pink-stained bathtub.”

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. Ronan didn’t even flinch. He kept talking, completely immersed in his own thoughts.

“I didn’t even know what I was doing really. I was eleven. I couldn’t grasp that it would be forever. All I knew was that I had a terrible day. I’d bumped my head on some stupid playground monkey bars or something, and the kids wouldn’t let it go. It was all too much and I didn’t want to hurt that way anymore. So I took my mom’s razor into the shower with me and pulled it across my wrist. It felt better to have the physical pain instead of the emotional kind. So, I did it a couple more times. More than I meant to. God, way more than I meant to. My parents pulled me from school that night. They packed up their house and they moved us out here. I was determined to make a fresh start. My parents put me in counseling for a little while, which helped, but more than that, it was my friends. That first day in gym when an eleven-year-old Kyle Larkin threw a yellow practice jersey at me was the best day of my life. I can’t thank him enough.”

“Did he know? Did you ever tell them?”

“No. I should’ve. That’s why I’m telling you now. Who the fuck knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, or the day after, or five fucking seconds from right now? I want you to know that about me, Em. It’s a part of me. It has helped shape me and without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.” He pulled my swing close again. “I am fiercely loyal. When I love, I love. When I care, I will go to the ends of the earth and back. I’ll do anything.”

He seared my lips with a kiss. It was short but powerful. In the few seconds our lips were pressed together, he conveyed everything about himself that he just spent the last ten minutes telling me. It was fierce and passionate, laced with a sad longing.

Ronan was strong. Unbelievably strong. I wished I could hug the little boy who thought hurting himself was the only way out, and I wanted more than anything to tell Ronan how proud I was of the man he’d become.

I wished I was as strong as he was. He made me want to tell him about the other texts from Nate. About the visit I had with the police. I wanted to, but this needed to be about him now. He deserved this moment.

I reached out and curled my hand around his neck. “Kyle was very lucky to have you as a friend. I never told you how sorry I was when he passed. I’m really sorry you lost him. He was such a good guy.”

He swallowed hard. “Do you think he’s forgiven Chase?”

I took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I didn’t know Kyle as well as you, but Kelsey was his sister and if she’s forgiven him, I’d have to say Kyle probably would, too.”

He let that sink in, his stare focusing and refocusing on unseen things.

“What do you think?” I asked.

He half smiled. “If I were to be honest with myself, I don’t believe Kyle was ever mad at him.”

“But…how?”

“Chase, and Kyle, and Kelsey? They had a deeper friendship than anyone could ever imagine. I think that happens when you start out real young. Everything is big, right? Everything’s so important. They never really lost that. They had a true connection. Sure, Kyle didn’t want Chase with his sister, but that’s how he was. He worried. If he’d been sober, they would’ve talked it out. If anything, he’d probably be thanking his stars Kelsey fell for somebody who loves her just as much as he loved her. He would’ve been fine with it eventually.”

“Why aren’t you fine with it then?”

Ronan choked out a short laugh. “I don’t know. Kyle’s probably telling me to get my head out of my ass. I don’t think my problem was ever really that Chase is with Kelsey. My problem was that Kyle asked me to do something and I’m the type of person that if a friend asks me to do something, I’m going to do it. Chase is the other problem, of course. How the hell am I supposed to reconcile the Chase who was one of my best friends with the Chase who killed my other best friend? It’s impossible. I want so much to forgive him, but it’s going to take me some time. I need my friends, though. They’re what saved me in the first place.”

I leaned in, and for a split second, he stopped. Everything stopped. Then, our lips touched. I ran mine slowly over his, taking in every moment, every second of pleasure.

Cupping his face, I deepened the kiss. Ronan fell right in, too. He pushed back, his lips moving more fervently. When I opened to let him in completely, he moaned, and my head spun in happy, dizzy circles. I wanted to crawl into him. I wanted to make him feel the way he made me feel. Like there was no ground, like the two of us survived suspended in air, in this weightless, floating euphoria, with his touches the only thing making us real.

Chapter Thirteen

RONAN

The day after my confession, I picked Em up and drove her out to my parents’ place under the pretense of working on her car.

While pulling into their driveway, I breathed in deep and let a little white lie slip from my tongue. “Ready for your first mechanics lesson?”

Em gaped out the windshield toward the house. “It’s huge. It looked smaller from the road. There’s a whole other section in the back.”

I followed her stare to the home that had been a refuge for me since the day my parents moved us here. “I still can’t believe you’ve never been to my house even once. Seems strange.”

She shrugged. “You never invited me.” As she returned her gaze to the driveway, her frown deepened. “Who do all these cars belong to?”

I pointed at each one. “Finn’s is the black sporty car. Aiden’s is the minivan. He and his wife have two kids. And the Jeep is Declan’s. He just got married. We all have bets on when he’s going to get Trish pregnant.”

Her eyebrows were practically on the roof of the truck. “Your brothers? They’re all here?”

I shrugged. “It’s Sunday. Sunday’s kind of our family day.” When she didn’t speak, I said, “We all come over to hang out. Sometimes my dad cooks on the grill, or we order in. I didn’t even think about it when I invited you over.” A lie, but I hoped it sounded smooth. “It’s okay, right?”

Her brows furrowed. “Sure…yeah…fine. I just wish I’d known.”

My pulse kicked up. I wanted her to meet my family, but I’d been afraid she’d tell me no if I let her know about it ahead of time. “So you could skip out on me?”

“No.” She opened her door and hopped out. “I would’ve dressed a little better or made a list of things I could talk to your mom about without sounding like an idiot.”

I met her in front of the truck. “They’re going to love you.”

“Really?” Her lips curled around the word. “Have you already told them about me? What did you say?”

I shrugged. “Guess you’re going to have to wait and see.”

She looked at the house with big, sad eyes, the gray a darker shade than I’d seen before. “Are they going to think it’s weird that you brought me here on family day?”

I reached out and cupped my hand behind her head. Her silky hair fell through my fingers in soft waves. “Once I told them you were my girlfriend, they didn’t bat an eye.”

Her eyes rounded, and a low sound of surprise parted her lips. She swallowed, and as the door to the garage slammed, Em quickly stepped away.

“Hey, bro,” Finn yelled. “We’re all out back.”

I groaned and saluted him. I’d kick his ass later for interrupting. “Be right there.”

Finn waved at Em, and she gave a small wave back. I watched him retreat through the front door, wishing I could hurry his ass up. I didn’t want to lose the moment with Em. She’d started to follow him when I pulled her back and up against the garage. I leaned into her, my hands on either side of her face. Her body tensed and her chest rose and fell, matching the pace of my own quick heartbeat.

“Ronan…” She sounded scared.

“Tell me you’re not going to freak out now. Tell me this is what you want.”

I traced the long line of her neck with my thumb, loving the way her eyes fluttered.

“Oh, it’s what I want. I’ve wanted it since you put the coordinates for Ocean City in the GPS. I knew at that moment I’d let you take me anywhere, and after everything that had happened, that was something.”

I pressed her body into the garage and maneuvered my knee between her legs. Her knees buckled and she started to slip down as I traced the path my finger had just made with my lips, barely grazing her soft skin. “I want you. Right now.”

Her lips parted. “Oh?”

“Please.”

“Uncle Ro!” An excited screech came from behind us. “Uncle Finn sent me to come get you.”

Uncle Finn was so going to get an ass kicking.

I stepped away from Em and kneeled in the gravel driveway. Gavin ran into my arms and I narrowly avoided a kick to the junk when he swung his legs as I picked him up. “What’s up, little man?”

“We’ve been waiting for you.” His gaze traveled to Em and his little face scrunched up. “Who’s that?”

I tousled the mop of light hair on his head. “This is my friend Em.”

With Gavin in one arm, I held out my other hand. She took it and I led her to the gate in the fence. My family—all of them—stared as we walked in.

I started introducing her to everybody, and when we got to my eldest brother, Em stiffened beside me. Aiden didn’t seem to notice. He smiled as usual.

After everyone resumed talking amongst each other, I sat Gavin down and turned to Em. “You know Aiden?”

“No.” Her eyes shifted back and forth between us. “You guys just all look alike. It’s kind of crazy.”

“Yeah, we’re all pretty big. Strong. Aiden’s a police officer. Declan works at the garage with me. He used to live in the apartment before he and Trish got married. Then Dad gave it to me. I do pay rent, though.”

“And what does Finn do again?”

“He’s a loser. Twenty-three and still living at home.”

Finn walked past me, a soda to his lips. “I heard that, dickhead.”

“Yeah, dickhead,” Gavin shouted from beside me.

Em’s mouth dropped. Everyone else continued talking like normal. She looked around, confused, pausing at Aiden and his wife, who said nothing. “Is it me, or did I just hear an eight year old say dickhead?”

I laughed. We really were a weird family. “You did. Julie thinks if we all ignore it, he’ll stop doing it.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “And how long has this been going on?”

I shrugged. “Six months probably.”

“I don’t think it’s working.”

“Neither do I, but I find it hilarious so I’m not going to tell Julie she’s nuts.”

Mom came up to us, winding her way through patio chairs and sprawling feet. She gave Em a hug and Em hugged her right back. Within seconds, Mom dragged her off into the kitchen claiming some food emergency. She knew how to make people feel as welcome as possible. It was a gift she had, and I had no qualms about Em going with her…other than I’d prefer her next to me.

At the patio table, Finn pushed a chair out with his foot. “You official then?”

Aiden eyed me curiously. “New girlfriend?”

I really loved the sound of that. “Yep. Em’s my girlfriend.”

EM

Trying with all my being not to look at Ronan and his rough but skilled fingers, I listened intently to his instructions. Or pretended to, at least. The thing of it was, his directions turned into naughty images in my mind, which did nothing to quell the knots in my stomach. “So you put this thingy into this thingy and twist?” As soon as I said it, I bit my lip. That was a particularly dirty one.

We’d just spent the last few hours joking around with his family. They were great. His mom loved to cook and wanted to show me every gadget in her kitchen. The lady had two ovens. What in the world would you ever need two for? His nephew Gavin was a riot. He swore more than I did, and more than once I had to stop myself from laughing. It was all very homey and lovely. The sight of Ronan being completely comfortable made me downright horny.

The only, only thing that had a possibility of throwing a wrench into the day was Ronan’s older brother, Aiden. He was one of the cops who’d been there when I went into the station to talk about Nate. Thankfully, he hadn’t said anything and as the night wore on, I became more and more at ease when he spoke, and less worried he would say something about Nate and the harassment. The last thing I wanted was to ruin the day with Ronan and his family.

Ronan chuckled. “Are you paying attention? Keep turning that screw with the screwdriver until it’s tight.”

We’d just finished checking out some filter thing that wasn’t even near the flat. He’d insisted, said it’d help the car drive better or something like that. He had me screwing the top back on while he took off the ruined tire. His muscles bulged underneath his shirt as he removed the flat and let it fall to the ground. Not that I noticed or anything. I especially didn’t notice the lickable gleam of sweat at the base of his neck.

“Come here.” He signaled with his finger for me to move closer. “I want you to see what you did when you saved that poor little puppy dog’s life.”

With my eyes glued to the floor, I walked toward the tire. “Yep. Looks horrible.” I had no idea what I was looking at and couldn’t care less at the moment. Watching Ronan work did amazing things to my insides.

Ronan laughed. “Don’t you want to learn?”

I played with the screwdriver in my hand. “Isn’t that why you’re around? So I don’t have to?”

He shook his head. “You’re impossible.”

“I told you that you would regret this.”

“Not possible. I’m glad you’re here.”

He stood, and when he did, his fingers trailed all the way up my legs and gripped my ass. I groaned, unable to stop the sound from escaping my lips. I’d wanted him to touch me for the last hour or so.

He pivoted and pressed me up against the car, his dick hardening against my stomach. “Is there something you want, baby?”

I nodded and traced the line of his forearms up to his biceps with my hands. His muscles bulged underneath my fingers. At the roll of his hips, I sighed. I craved that connection between us again. I lifted his shirt and kissed his chest.

His head fell back and he quickened his rocking. “Shit, Em. We’re in my parents’ garage.”

I fiddled with the button on his jeans and then pushed them to the floor. “Uh-huh. And they’re inside. The rest of your family left.”

Ronan growled. “You want it that bad, love?”

I gripped his cock and squeezed. “You’re unbelievably sexy when you’re working on cars.”

His tortured eyes flitted around. When I placed him near my entrance and rolled my hips forward, his resolve broke. He tore my shirt off, unclasped my bra, and had my shorts and panties around my ankles in record time.

He played his thumbs over my nipples, teasing. “Me all sweaty and greasy turns you on?”

I spread wider in answer and he groaned into the kisses he placed on my collarbone. He knelt for two seconds and then returned with a condom.

“Thank God,” I said, grabbing his hardness and running my hand up and down his shaft. “I want to feel you inside me again.”

He put on the condom and then wrapped my legs around his hips. “What does this remind you of, baby?”

My eyes fluttered. “Ocean City.”

He pushed inside and my cry overpowered his confirmation. His long, languid strokes dizzied me. It was different than our first time. He was taking his time and making me ache for it. Every time he rolled his hips, I ground my clit against him and moaned at the spikes of pleasure. “Please, Ronan.”

“Mmm,” he said, keeping the same pace. “I’m loving you like you should be loved.”

He grabbed my hair and pulled slightly, exposing my neck. He kissed a trail down my chest to my breasts where he teased and tasted them. I gripped his hips, drawing him toward me. He acquiesced and moved at my command. When I pulled him forward, he slammed into me and then took his time retreating before another quick thrust.

I wanted to come apart, but I also wanted to draw it out. It was the perfect storm. Push and pull and push and pull as stars lit behind my closed eyelids. “Oh yes. Ronan, I’m going to come.”

He still kept the same steady pace until my walls started to constrict around his rock hard dick. “Yes,” I shouted, and he groaned into me. I pulled him forward and ground my clit against him as I lost myself.

My breathing was ragged as I came down. When my feet hit the floor, it brought me out of my daze. Ronan had his dick in his hands and an evil glint in his eye. “Turn around.”

My breath caught with excitement. I loved Ronan like this. He could be so nice but he also had a naughty side. Bending over, I stuck my ass in the air and waited.

He placed his hand on my lower back. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

He slid in, scorching my insides until I was hot for him again. The first few pumps were slow, but then Ronan grabbed my hips and found a rhythm that once again had me begging for him. He followed the line of my hip with his hands until he reached my clit. “Oh. God.”

His thrusts were relentless, as were his fingers. Coupled with his frenzy, the pleasure was too much. I came hard and fast, and Ronan was right there, thrusting into me the last of his release.

For seconds after, he draped himself over me, hugging me from behind. He dropped kisses on my shoulders and shuddered as the sensations subsided.

“God dammit, Em. I think you’ve fixed me.”

Chapter Fourteen

EM

Kelsey was on her way over. I’d asked her to go to the movies with me. I needed to do something to distract myself from thoughts of Ronan. I still couldn’t believe I’d initiated the sex in his parents’ garage. That so didn’t seem like me. Sure, I talked a big game, but saying it and doing it were two different things.

The doorbell rang and I hurried over, only to feel the smile on my face die midway through opening the door.

“Nate.”

He blinked a couple times. “Please don’t slam the door. I need to talk to you. Please, Em. I miss you.”

He held his hands out as if to show me something but they were empty. I stepped back. “Don’t come near me.”

His face hardened. “I won’t touch you, I promise, but you need to hear me out.”

My hand tightened around the doorknob. “I don’t owe you. If anything, you owe me the common courtesy to stop harassing me.”

His face crumpled. “Harassing you? Is that what you think I’m doing? I’m desperate to explain things. I’m not that guy you saw in Georgia. I’m really not.”

He didn’t act as if the police had already talked to him. This conversation probably wouldn’t be going so well. “I’ve heard that before.”

“You don’t ever let me explain.”

“I’m two seconds away from closing this door. You don’t have the right to talk to me like that.”

His face reddened, a telltale sign his anger was getting the better of him. To his credit, he took a few deep breaths. “You’re right. I don’t. I miss you, Em. All I want is for you to talk to me, to come back to me. I might seem a little upset. If I am, it’s because I saw you dancing with that guy at the Crooked Ship the other day. It crushed me. The first time I got to see you in a week and another guy was hanging all over you. It didn’t seem like you were being yourself. You wouldn’t even look at me.”

Unsure of how to respond, I nodded.

The muscles in his neck stuck out. “You’re not even going to say you’re sorry? I went home and cried over you.”

“You shouldn’t do that.”

I wanted to tell him that I was most certainly not going to be wasting my time thinking of him anymore, let alone crying over him. I had a great guy now. Which I was keeping to myself. It would only set him off.

“Em, I need you to forgive me. Now.”

I grasped the door handle tight again. If he made any sudden moves, he’d get a door to the face. “I think you should leave, Nate.”

“I deserve another chance.”

It was clear he thought he did. And before, he might have convinced me of it, too. But not anymore.

The click-click of shoes sounded on the walkway behind Nate, and he turned. Kelsey smiled right past him to me. “Hey, you ready?”

“I am.” I locked the door from the inside and closed it. When I walked around Nate, I didn’t spare him a glance.

I was on the bottom step when his hand squeezed my shoulder. Stiffening, I turned on my heel. I was about to yell at him to never touch me again when his face muted me. He looked horrible. Broken. Instead of screaming, I reached for his fingers and peeled them away, then walked with Kelsey to her car.

When both the car doors shut, Kelsey said, “God, he looks a mess. I think you shattered him.”

Glancing toward the front of the house, I saw that Nate still stood there. His hands were at his sides, clenched into fists, but that was the only outward sign of anger. He looked lost.

I turned back toward the road. “He did it to himself.”

“I totally agree. He’s an asshole.”

I clicked the seat belt into place. “If Ronan asks…”

“Trust me, I didn’t see a thing. I can tell he cares about you a lot. He would be super pissed if he found out Nate was trying to get you back.”

She didn’t know the half of it.

RONAN

It was late. Kelsey’s car was one of the only ones left in the mall lot, and now Em’s was parked beside it. I’d driven it here about a half hour ago and was waiting for them to get out of the movie Chase said they’d gone to. Yes, Chase. I’d actually had a civil—yet short—conversation with him. Go figure.

Using the underside of my shirt as a rag, I rubbed out a smudge on the driver’s side glass. I’d worked on her car all day, made sure it was perfect, because she was perfect. I loved her. I loved her so much and so fast I wasn’t even sure when it had happened.

The doors opened and they stepped through at the same time. Kelsey noticed me first and waved. When Em saw me, she ran forward and threw her arms around my neck, her grip like a vise around me. I could get used to greetings like this—like she wouldn’t rather be hugging anyone else but me ever.

Kelsey gave me a small smile when she passed. “Chase texted me. You’re quite possibly the sweetest thing ever.”

I smiled back and twirled Em around until I placed her in front of her car.

She squealed and traced her fingers along the hood. “You finished. Thank you.”

We stood by the spot we’d christened last night. The look on her face seemed to be asking, “Round two?” I stalked forward, but instead of giving her what she—what we both—wanted, I kissed her forehead. “I have a surprise.”

“I see that. You fixed my car.” She ran to the driver’s side door and whipped it open, then paused. “What’s all this in the backseat?”

“Stuff.” I tried to keep my face neutral, but the truth was, I was so damn excited.

“Stuff?”

“Mmm-hmm. Stuff.”

She cocked her head. “Ronan. What is it?”

“Well, my parents gave me the keys to their lake cabin this morning. I guess they really like you.”

Her mouth dropped. “You’re kidding.”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Ronan…”

“The cabin’s right on the beach. You can walk out the front door and into the water. It’s not the ocean, but what do you say? Get away with me?”

She eyed me suspiciously. “Don’t you have to work?”

“No. Settled it with my dad. Finn’s going to work for me.”

She laughed. “Finn’s going to work for you?”

“I know. Amazing, isn’t it?”

“Does Finn know he’s working for you?”

I walked around to the passenger side. “He will. Soon enough.”

After we decimated the grocery store snack aisle, Em drove us out to Lakeview Drive, where my parents’ cabin stood. Far different from our actual house, the cabin was only big enough for two people. My dad had bought it for my mom on their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary. There was a bedroom with a full-size bed, and then another room that had a futon, a section with a sink, and a little closet of a bathroom.

It was perfect, though, because out here, spending time indoors would be stupid, with the rocky beach at our disposal and one of the prettiest sunsets around. Tonight, the sunset was a hazy pink with wisps of purples swirling in and out.

Also, there was Em to admire. She’d changed into the bikini we’d bought at the surf shop in Ocean City. I was glad to see that the bruise on her stomach was now only yellow. Passing my fingers slowly over it, I gave her a small smile.

Her thoughts seemed to align to mine. “It’s getting better.”

“No more bruises.”

She frowned. “The guy I’m with now would never do that to me.”

“Because he loves you.”

Her breath hitched, and her gaze seared into my eyes.

“I love you, Em.”

She stepped forward, and the pounding of my heart thumped in my ears. Slowly draping her arms around me, she said, “I love you, too.”

I pressed my lips to hers, and she made this sexy groaning noise as her arms tightened around my shoulders. I deepened the kiss as it became more urgent for me to show her just how much I loved her. Her hands splayed across my bare back, and she trailed a fingernail down to where my trunks hung from my hips.

Her chest heaved in front of me, her breasts lifting and falling. I reached out and ran a thumb over her nipple, then followed her bikini top strings around her neck and started to untie them. Before I let them fall free, I kissed my way from her collarbone to her shoulder. A red welt there made me pause. “Hey, what’s this?”

She looked down at it, her throat working. “I bumped my shoulder on my closet shelf this morning when I was putting away my clothes. Stupid, I know.”

I kissed it and she closed her eyes. She must have been embarrassed over her clumsiness. “When I take off your top, understand this—I’ve never seen a more perfect woman in my life. Clumsy or not.”

Slowly, just to torture myself…and Em…I lowered her top. I wanted to appreciate every perfect part of her breasts—the slope of the top, the rosy circle, her pebbled nipple, and then her perky bottom swell. When they were fully revealed, my thumbs grazed both nipples, and Em’s deep, stormy eyes fluttered closed. She reached around her back and undid the last tie.

Holy shit. This was never going to get old.

I lowered her back onto the bed and hovered over her. I took my time exploring her curves, running my lips and then my tongue over her skin.

Em moved underneath me, her hips bowing, which only urged me on. When I kissed my way down to her belly button, she could barely get words out. “I want you inside me, like, now.”

My teeth grazed her hip and she jerked.

“I’m serious. I want to make love to you, Ronan.” She stopped in mid-sentence when I nuzzled her still-covered sweet spot. “Please,” she said, breathlessly.

I untied her bottoms and Em quickly moved them away. She watched every caress of my hands, dip of my head, and soft touch of my lips. It felt good to know how much she wanted me, how much I wanted her, how much I wanted this.

She caught my hips and rubbed herself against me. “Come on, baby. I know you’re ready, too,” she said, her voice husky.

“I am, but I don’t think you feel loved enough yet.”

I slipped a finger inside her to make my point. She bucked and cried out.

Fuck. She was more than ready. I tried to explore a little more, but she groaned, flipped me over, and was on top of me within seconds. Her heat seeped right through my swim trunks.

Now this was the girl who could turn me on with just one look.

She rocked her hips into me. “You’re killing me.” She leaned over and her beautiful lips and hands explored my bare chest. She moved down, lowering my bathing suit all the way to my ankles. Then she wrapped her fist around the hardest part of me.

“Shit,” I breathed.

Now it was her turn to smile. She was teasing me like I’d teased her. Our lips met again, this time in a fierce, passionate kiss. Her finger played with the tip of my dick, and I understood how she’d felt before. I just wanted in.

She sensed that because before I knew it, she’d grabbed the condom I’d left in the drawer and rolled it down my length before sinking on top of me.

I was surrounded by wet heat.

I found her perky tits with my mouth while she moved on top, slow at first, letting me fill all of her. But then she sped up, and our hands and our lips tasted and touched each other.

“I love you,” she said, out of breath.

My heart hammered. “I love you, too.”

Her movements became frantic, and when she sank down for the last time, she yelled my name, and I rode her orgasm out and straight into my own.

Chapter Fifteen

EM

I could’ve been walking under a rain cloud and people would’ve still seen the smile on my face. Smiling was so underrated. Now that I was with Ronan—now that we were in love—I planned on doing it a lot more. And whistling. And skipping. And all that other sentimental awesomeness.

This feeling was crazy. A high like none other.

I threw myself onto the couch in my living room. I’d just gotten back from enjoying the best weekend of my entire life. It was almost a shame how much time we spent indoors. The weather was beautiful. The water was beautiful. Ronan was beautiful.

After I took a few moments to relive the entirety of the weekend, all the way up until the moment where Ronan had just dropped me off, I talked myself into taking a nice hot bath.

Halfway up the stairs, I heard a shuffling noise from above. Dad must’ve come home early from his run. Excited, I peeked in his room but didn’t see him. The sound came again and I realized it was coming from my own bedroom. Most likely Dad was in there gathering my dirty clothes. I smiled. He knew how much I detested doing the laundry.

I pushed the door open and froze. Nate sat on the edge of my bed. Curtains blew in a current of wind from the open window, and the light glittered off of something shiny in Nate’s hand. As the door lightly bounced off the wall, Nate’s head snapped up.

I spun, but he was always too fast. Or I was always too slow when I needed to be fast. He grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked. Stumbling backward, I fell on my butt. Nate leaned over, his alcohol-laced breath putrid in the small space between us. I scrambled away until my hands hit the closet door.

His voice was shaky and wrought with barely contained anger. “You sent the cops to my house.”

My mind briefly summoned a picture of Ronan’s brother Aiden, but I pushed it aside as the object in Nate’s hand flashed again. No, not flashed. Reflected. Nausea threatened my nerve-wrecked stomach. He held a little silver handgun. I squeezed myself tighter against the door, wishing it would swallow me up.

He wasn’t handling it like someone who was ready to use it. That was the only thing that comforted me. The barrel was wrapped tightly in his fist, but the absolute foreignness of seeing such a weapon close up kicked in all my flight instincts.

He followed my gaze to the object in his hand and smiled. “I just picked this up. You’d be surprised what some of my friends are into.”

Probably not, if they were anything like him.

When he noticed I hadn’t taken my eyes away from the pistol, he tipped his head. “Do you want to hold it?”

I shook my head.

“Ah well. Soon enough.”

He turned, and I wanted to take the chance and run away, but he quickly spun back around and sat again on the edge of the bed, the gun now lying in his lap.

“Well, I know you must have gotten all my texts and my phone calls.” He rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “The cops had them. All of them. Every name I called you. Every whining text begging you to call me. Do you realize how bad that made me look? Do you?”

I refused to answer, my mind only working on one thing: Escape.

“They told me you didn’t press charges though. Why didn’t you? You could’ve at least put out an order of protection, but right now, there’s really nothing to stop me from being around you. I can be here.”

“You broke into my house.” And you have a gun, I wanted to scream, but it didn’t seem smart to remind him.

“Where were you? I’ve been here for like a day, I think. Were you with that guy from the restaurant? Were you fucking him? Is that what you were doing? You’re cheating on me?”

He stood and started to pace. His steps never took him quite as far away as I would’ve liked before I tried to make a break for it. He held the barrel of the gun again, but this time he ran the fingers of his other hand over the grip.

He fell on his knees in front of me and clenched his teeth. “Answer. Me.”

I watched as he took an amber-colored bottle from the waistband of his pants and tipped it against his lips. It was Black Velvet, my dad’s favorite. In fact, that was my dad’s bottle of BV. He’d just gotten it as a present for his birthday from one of his work buddies. It still had the silver ribbon tied around it.

The silence stretched on forever as he stared. Every heartbeat felt like a year, every tic of his jaw a decade. He was going to wait until I said something.

I drew in a shaky breath, picking my words carefully. “You hurt me.”

He blinked but continued to gaze right at me. He was like a child in that instant. Feigned innocence was written all over him.

“You lied to me, and you pushed me down. I didn’t think I needed to officially break it off with you after that.” His fingers curled around the gun so I quickly added, “I thought you were making it clear you didn’t want to be with me.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to come to Tybee Island. Why couldn’t you just stay here like I asked? Why, Em? Why?”

I shrugged. Maybe, with my infatuation, I’d missed any previous signs, but I was afraid Nate was two seconds from becoming unhinged. This was much worse than when he paid me a visit the other day.

“I’ve got a plan that will make this all pan out.” He smiled. “You’re going to like it. Well, I think you’re going to like part of it.”

My hands trembled as I reached for him. Talking to him would work, it had to. “You should let me go, Nate. I need to leave.”

His whole body tensed and he pulled away. “Are you going to see him?”

I shook my head. “No. No, that’s not it. I just think you should calm down before we make any plans.”

“I’m calm,” he said. He wiped a smudge off the gun and with his own shaky hands, held it out to me.

I pushed myself as far away from it as I could. He followed and laid the gun down in front of me. “This is yours.” He took out a matching handgun from within his waistband and set it next to the other one. “This one’s mine. I think you know the way out of this. It’s the only way we can be together now. I got kicked out of the fraternity, Em. They saw me push you, and now it’s all over for us. My parents are livid. They’re threatening me with the military or some shit, but if we do this, we’ll still be together. This TV show was on the other day, and they said that loved ones are always reunited on the other side. That’s going to be us, Em.”

He pushed the gun toward me. I didn’t make a move to pick it up. He grabbed my hand and forced the gun into it. “I’ll show you how to hold it. Here. That’s right. Don’t pull the trigger yet. Just wait.”

My hand shook as the cold of the metal seeped into my pores.

He smiled. “I love you, Em. On the count of three, we’re both going to pull the trigger and then we’ll be together.” He pointed his gun at his temple.

“No. No, Nate. I can’t.”

“It’s scary. I get it, but trust me. I’ve thought all about it. This is the only way.”

He tried to raise my fist again, my trebling fingers loosely clasping the handle. He kept his steady hand on the trigger of his own gun, the barrel keeping skin-to-metal contact to the side of his head the entire time. “One, two, th—”

“No!” I screamed.

But it was too late.

RONAN

It wasn’t unusual to see Aiden’s cop car pull up to the shop. It wasn’t even out of the ordinary for him and my father to be looking at me with worry. I was used to it. I was the baby. I’d tried to off myself at one point. I got it. They needed to worry about me. But today of all days, I didn’t need it. I was one happy son of a bitch.

Dad crooked his head at me and I walked over. Aiden was all businesslike, his back ramrod straight, his hands tucked into his belt. Without hesitation, my older brother launched into a series of official-sounding questions. “How much do you know about Nate Pendergast? What do you know about what he used to do to Em? When did you drop Em off earlier?”

I didn’t even realize who he was talking about until Em’s name came into it. “Why? What’s going on?”

“What time did you drop her off?”

I blew out a breath. “Two. Why? What’s going on, Aiden?”

He slouched and lowered his voice. “Did Em tell you she came to the station to report her ex for harassment?”

“No. She told me she hadn’t heard from him in a while.”

Aiden closed his eyes. “I’ve got some news for you, little brother.”

My heart beat against my ribs and my stomach hollowed out. “Is it Em? Is she okay?”

“Em’s in the hospital.”

“What?” I ran my hands through my hair and then took off. I needed to get in my truck, drive to the hospital, to be next to her.

Aiden pulled me to a stop. “She’s okay, Ronan. Her ex blew his brains out in front of her, and when she tried to make it downstairs to call us, she was so shaky she fell down the stairs. It’s possible her leg is broken but they’re doing X rays and all that right now. We’re keeping it hush hush until we get a hold of her dad. Do you know how we might be able to do that?”

“He’s a truck driver.”

“Em told us that much but he’s not answering his cell phone. She says he usually doesn’t until he stops for the night.”

“I don’t…” I shook my head. “I don’t know, Aiden. Can I see her?”

He tipped his head. “She asked for you, but you’re going to have to hold off until she’s been interviewed. I’m going to do that right now.”

Dad put his hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you go to her, son. But let your brother do what he needs to do first. I’ll call Finn and have him meet you at the hospital.”

Chapter Sixteen

RONAN

I slumped in one of the hospital waiting room’s chairs. Since people spent so much time there, the furniture should’ve been comfortable, but it was stiff and old. On top of not sleeping, worrying all day had made me unbelievably tired. I still hadn’t been in to see Em. Aiden was acting very mysterious and Finn—God, Finn—he wasn’t made to wait in tiny rooms.

I brought my phone out of my pocket again and stared at the screen. This was something I should’ve done a long time ago. It was okay to ask for help when you needed it, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get through this without my friends. Not knowing anything was driving me insane.

I dialed Kelsey’s number because this time it was me who needed her. I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be okay, like I had for her after Kyle had passed.

She answered her cell all breathless, as if she were excited. Nervous energy crackled over the line.

You couldn’t just hide shit and will it to go away. It would only come up to bite you. Like right now. “Kelsey.”

The truth was, I’d needed them all along. Both of them. Em had shown me that.

I pictured her sitting right next to Chase, that pompous ass who could always make me laugh, even when I was in the funkiest of dirty funks. He had a razor sharp tongue on him. I always needed those guys more than they needed me.

I stared at the ground and heard her whisper, “I don’t know. He’s not talking.”

It was like having Chase and Kyle back. Kelsey was just like her brother. She had the same easygoing nature. The same sense of wrong and right. The same sense of self. I liked to think I was a mix of Chase and Kyle both. Ever since I first met Chase, I’d wanted his confidence. If half of his self-confidence seeped into me over the years, I was fine. With Kyle, I wanted his goodness and kindness.

I needed them right now, before I went crazy with worry.

“Bear. You’re scaring me.”

That nickname brought me back to high school. I fucking wished we were back in high school, back when everything made sense. I didn’t even know if I should be doing what I was about to do. Aiden had said they wanted to wait until they got ahold of Em’s dad, but I wasn’t doing this for her, I was doing this for me.

An exhale broke the silence from her side. “Why did you call if you didn’t want to talk? Is it because you got the invitation?”

My eyes snapped open. “What invitation?”

“I thought you would’ve got it in the mail by now. It’s for Kyle’s Meals, the program Chase started to help soldiers. Please say you’ll come. I want you there. We want you there.”

Kyle’s Meals. Never heard of it before. But that didn’t matter at the moment. “You can tell me about it later but—” My voice cracked so I cut myself off. Clearing my throat, I started again. “I need you and Chase both, right now. Em’s in the hospital. She’s okay but there’s this whole big long story with her ex. Will you come?”

She cursed. Chase asked her what was wrong. “We’ll be there. We’ll be right there.”

Chapter Seventeen

RONAN

The chill night air burned my chest as I waited outside the front entrance to the hospital. Finn was driving me nuts with his constant questions and whining. I’d told him he didn’t have to stay but, yet again, my family was keeping watch over me like they had every night since Kyle had died. When I brought Em to my parents’ house, I knew they would see I was better. Now I was right back to square one, at least in their eyes.

A car squealed into a parking space and footsteps ran toward me. “What happened? Em’s okay?” When I didn’t respond, Kelsey grabbed my arm. “What is it, Bear? You’re scaring me.”

I shook her off and pulled my hands through my hair. I didn’t know how to answer.

I should’ve known Nate would do something like this. I should’ve taken care of her. This shit happened on my watch. Aiden said he’d never stopped sending her texts and even showed up at her house. I should have known. “I—don’t know. Em fell down the stairs. Broke her leg. But—”

My voice cracked again, and I slid to the cold concrete, head in my hands.

A hand gripped my shoulder. Chase. “We’re here. Everything’s fine, but you’ve got to tell us what happened.”

I took a big, shaky breath. “I’m in love with Em. I love her but I failed her.” I looked up to see them both exchange weary looks. “Her ex-boyfriend was abusive.”

Kelsey squeezed her eyes shut. Chase looked at her and then back at me. When she opened her eyes again, she said, “I had no idea. I thought he was an asshole, but I didn’t know he would do something like that.”

“I knew. She told me in confidence and then I did nothing about it. Nothing.”

Chase’s hand tightened on my shoulder. His words were like ice. “Is that why she’s in the hospital? Did he do something to her?”

I shook my head then changed my mind. “Yes. Yes and no. He didn’t hurt her, but according to Aiden, he went to her house earlier today planning a dual suicide. He did it. She didn’t.”

I figured that was enough information. They didn’t need to hear all the gory details I’d overheard Aiden discussing with his fellow cops. It was gruesome. Em wasn’t going to be okay when she got out.

Kelsey slid down the concrete wall right next to me. “That’s awful. Oh my God.” She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “Oh my god. He was just over at her house. The day you surprised her with the trip to the cabin.”

My hands curled into fists. The welt I asked her about. That was him? She didn’t bump it in her closet. He hurt her on my watch. “Why didn’t she tell me? I would’ve protected her from all this.”

Kelsey grabbed my sleeve. “You couldn’t have known he’d go that far. He obviously had mental health issues, Bear. It’s not your fault.”

I looked up at Chase. “What would you have done? What if someone had been threatening Kelsey and you knew about it?”

His eyes narrowed. “I’d kill the fucker.”

Kelsey shot him a look. He was right though. I should’ve kicked his ass for the texts he sent her alone. I should’ve made him afraid to even be in her presence. The messed up part was I’d actually been trying to be a better person for her. It was no secret I’d had my share of fights in the past, but I’d been trying to control my anger, for her sake.

“If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him.”

“It’s not your—”

Chase cut Kelsey off. “I know you, bro. If you’d known the full extent of it, you would’ve done something.” Finn walked through the automatic doors, and Kelsey and I stood.

“She can have a visitor now. She wants you, Ronan.”

I turned to Kelsey. “You go. Tell her I’m sorry, and that I should’ve done something.”

“No, Bear. You go. I’ll wait.”

I stepped back, shaking my head all the while. “Tell her I love her.”

Then I walked away. I couldn’t face Em knowing I hadn’t done anything to help her.

Chapter Eighteen

RONAN

Footsteps followed me through the parking lot until Chase pulled ahead and walked toward a car. I sat in the passenger seat without asking, without needing to be asked, just like old times.

I moved the seat back and stretched out. His dashboard sent shadows across his face as he backed the car out of the spot.

“So what’s this invitation I got in the mail?”

Chase rubbed his forehead as he looked left before switching lanes. “I started this program for Kyle a while ago, and we’re throwing a benefit because we’re trying to get some investors interested. We want you to come. You can speak at it. Or not. But I thought it might be a good idea to talk about him and other soldiers from the area.”

“You know I’m not good at public speaking.”

A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “I figured.”

My hands closed into fists at my sides. “Aren’t you going to ask me about it?”

Chase shook his head. We drove in silence for a little while, until we pulled up alongside the road, our headlights hitting a massive tree.

My head began to pound like crazy. “I know where we are.”

“Have you been here since?” He sat back in his seat when I didn’t respond and tapped the steering wheel. “I like to come here to think.”

I closed my eyes. Were we really going to do this? Especially today? “No. I haven’t been back here.”

He tilted his head and looked at me. “You’re probably the smarter one, but I can’t help myself. I always find my way back here. Sometimes I’ll be driving and it’s like fucking autopilot. Things will become clear and I’ll finally realize where I am. Where I lost it all.”

He sighed and his head fell to the headrest. “I still can’t believe I’m the reason my best friend died. Every time I come here I go through it step-by-step in my head. Drinking. Being pissed. Driving. The fucking worst noise I’ve ever heard in my life.”

I winced and Chase stopped speaking for a little while. “I know you’ll never forgive me and I’m really not asking for forgiveness, Bear. I fucked up. I know it, you know it, and everyone knows it. But I do sit here and pray for forgiveness. I pray for it of Kyle, of you, of Kelsey, because that’s the only way I’ll deserve it. I’m not asking, because that’s too much to ask. Of anyone.” He swallowed. “I miss him.”

I wiped my hands down my face. “Me, too. Every damn day.”

“I need you to think about talking to me again, bro. I lost both my best friends that night and I need you back. Kelsey needs you, too. I don’t expect you to answer now. Hell, I don’t even expect you to say yes, but I need you to think about it. If not for me, then for Kels.”

I smiled. “They’re so much better than us, aren’t they? So much smarter?”

A smile warmed his face. “You better believe it. We don’t deserve them, that’s for damn sure. But I’m telling you, Bear, we need them.”

I blew out a hard breath. “I need her, but she’s better off without me.”

“I used to think that, but Kelsey’s made me see things another way. Think about it—who did Em want when she could have one visitor? They need us as much as we need them.”

Chapter Nineteen

EM

Kelsey was giving me that look.

“What?” I turned and glanced at the backside of my dress in the mirror. A blue and yellow discoloration still marked my shoulder blades from the tumble I’d taken down the stairs. My leg hadn’t broken, though. Thankfully. Tomorrow, I’d be in the same room as Ronan again, for the Kyle’s Meals benefit. Today Kelsey joined me for dress shopping, although I suspected what she really wanted was to talk to me about Ronan.

I hadn’t spoken to him in a week. He never came to visit me in my hospital room. He’d sat in the waiting area for hours and hours but no matter how many times I asked, he never came in to see me. I missed him. I needed to speak to him about what happened. Let him know it wasn’t his fault.

According to Kelsey, she had no idea if Ronan was going to the benefit. He’d received an invitation like I had, and Chase had personally invited him. I wished I knew where his head was. The benefit would be the best thing for him right now.

Kelsey still frowned in the mirror. When she found my eyes, she tried to smile. “I like the second dress better.”

“That’s not what that look was. I know that look.”

She stood and walked around to the other side of the mirror where I’d been gazing at my reflection. “I can’t believe he hasn’t called you or anything.”

I can’t believe it either! “Well, it’s true.”

“Chase has been acting weird, too. It’s annoying.”

“Preaching to the choir, my friend.”

She groaned. “I’m sorry. I’m just upset.”

“You’re not worried, are you? Chase loves you, Kelsey. Loves you like I’ve never seen a guy love anyone before. He’s probably really nervous about the benefit. He has to give a speech, right?”

Kelsey shrugged. “Well, yeah, but it’s more than that. He’s been gone more lately. And he’s been on the phone in the bedroom—a lot. It’s just not like him.”

I stepped from the small platform and put a hand on Kelsey’s shoulder. “You’re being insane. Chase is probably solidifying all the benefit plans to make sure everything is going to go smoothly. You’ll see. After tomorrow, he’ll be the same again.”

“Sure. You’re right.” Even though the way she said it made it seem like she disagreed.

I rolled my eyes. “He loves you.”

She smiled and looked me up and down. “Let’s get the second dress. It looked great on you.”

I turned my back to her so she could unzip me. In the dressing room, I tried on the second dress once more. It was an emerald green, tea length, and perfect for going to a fancy benefit to honor your best friend’s brother, but it also showed off my curves. I’d wanted both. Kelsey wasn’t sure if Ronan was going to be there, but I was. I had faith in him. With this dress, Ronan would look at me and want me again like he had before he decided not to call me or see me while I was wasting away at home. Stupid, stupid, boy.

RONAN

Chase looked nervous as hell tonight as he snuck back into the hotel kitchen to see me. He kept yanking down the sleeves of his suit jacket. I’d be tense, too, if I were him. A smile made its way across my face. I was proud of him and happy. He deserved it.

Since we’d started talking again, a thousand pound weight had lifted from my shoulders. I’d needed my friend all along, and over the past few days, we’d been pretty much inseparable. Though, it’d been hard, considering Kelsey was such a snoop. Chase brushed at a nonexistent spot on his sleeve. “You doing all right back here?”

I clapped him on the back. “Don’t worry about me. How you holding up, man?”

“Remember that year we went to the state championship and we felt like we were going to puke because we were so fucking nervous? Yeah. This is way worse than that.”

“Just speak from your heart.”

“There are too many things in there for that. I could go on forever.”

He glanced through the swinging door as a server walked through, an empty platter in his hand. I followed his gaze. Kelsey talked with Em just on the other side of the door. My heartbeat fluttered.

From the brief glance I got of her, she was stunning. Dressed in a beautiful green dress, she’d had her hair pulled up off her back. Every time I saw her I found a new part of her body I hadn’t experienced the way I wanted to. A new gesture that made me even more curious to know everything about her. And I meant everything.

“Are you ready?” Chase asked.

I shook my head.

Chase laughed. “You’re being a pussy.”

“I know.”

“I say if you’re going to do it at all, tonight’s the night. It’ll be about new beginnings for both of us.”

My gaze traveled down to Chase’s pocket as the music stopped in the reception hall. His hand froze over the same spot. Just looking at him made me nervous. I squeezed his shoulder, my eyes burning. I’d been so honored when he’d asked if I wanted to take part in this. Now the wait was over. “You’re gonna be great, man.”

He took one deep breath, reached in his pocket, and handed me the box, as rehearsed. He’d wanted it close to him the entire night. He said his nerves would get the better of him, but with that box next to him, he’d remember what really mattered.

He nodded, pushed open the swinging doors, and walked up to the table where there would be a microphone waiting for him. Everyone would take their seats and then Chase would start. I’d listened as Chase ran through this a million times.

He’d even asked my permission. He told me it was the four of us, always had been, and that it was only right I be included in his plans. I stood near the door, listening, my knees like Jell-O. I wasn’t nervous, or scared, or jealous. I was excited for him.

For myself, I was petrified.

Chase talked through the normal stuff, thanking everybody for their kind donations and saying how it would go a long way to help Kyle’s Meals and what it represented. I guessed it was a good speech. I just couldn’t wait for the end. I wanted to see Kelsey’s face, and Chase’s when she said yes.

My stomach was in my throat when he spoke the cue words. I pushed open the doors. Kelsey and Em sat right in front of the podium, their surprised faces mirroring each other as I strode to Chase’s side.

Chase reached up and patted my back. “Thank you, man,” he whispered, his voice barely holding in his emotion. He turned back to his audience. “This is Ronan Pearse. He’s another one of Kyle’s best friends. I thought it only right he be up here when I do this. We could tell you story after story about Kyle, about his friendship, about how he would love seeing all of us together right now doing exactly this. But what I really want to do is tell you about a girl.”

Kelsey’s gaze left mine and found his, her face unsure.

“There’s this girl. She’s been through everything with me. She knows what I was like at seven, when I wanted to be a Ninja Turtle. She knew me in middle school when all I did was steal her brother from her to play boy games. She knew me in high school when…well, we don’t need to say what I did in high school.”

I laughed like everyone else in the room. Kelsey’s eyes narrowed. Did she expect what was about to come next?

“But most of all, she forgave me when no one else could. Her heart knows no bounds. Kels?”

I handed Chase the box as he stepped away from the podium and bent to one knee in front of Kelsey. The crowd gasped, but that was background noise for me. Kelsey had her cute little hand over her mouth, and tears already formed in her eyes.

Chase took her hand, and with his other, opened the little black box he’d shown me days ago, and placed it in her palm. “I’ve loved you since I was a little boy. I’ve loved you like a sister. I’ve loved you like a friend. I love you now more than anything.”

I turned my head to find Em. Her mouth had dropped open. Chase had surprised everyone.

“If you’ll be my wife, I’ll spend every day making sure you’re safe. Making sure you’re happy. Making sure you know that no one else will ever love you like I will. Will you marry me, Kels?”

She nodded instantly, her head bouncing up and down before she threw herself at him. He had to place his hand on the floor to steady himself so they wouldn’t both sprawl over. Applause rang through the room. Finally Chase opened the box and Kelsey squealed. Both their hands shook so bad they could barely get the ring on her finger.

A light touch pressed into my arm. Em stood next to me.

She reached out and rubbed her thumb below my eye. “You’re crying.”

Truth was, I’d held it back as best I could. “Kyle would be so happy.”

She smiled. “I’m happy…” She took a deep breath and glanced back at Chase and Kelsey, who were in the world’s longest embrace. “I’m happy for them.”

“Me, too.”

She swung her gaze back around. “They deserve it.”

“Yeah.”

“They’re great together.”

“Yeah.”

Her eyes roamed over mine. This wasn’t about Chase and Kelsey anymore. “If anyone deserves to be happy. It’s them.”

“No fear?” I asked.

“None.”

I bent my head and pressed my lips to hers as if I needed the kiss to breathe. I did need her. It didn’t feel right without her. I slipped my arms around her waist and deepened the kiss. In the background, a few whistles sounded, but I didn’t really notice much until Chase said, “Hell yes, Bear.”

Reluctantly, I pulled away. I didn’t want to steal Chase and Kelsey’s moment. I just wanted to have my own. When I looked up, everyone stood and applauded, their gazes either locked on Chase and Kelsey, or Em and me.

I leaned toward her ear, her face flushed red. “Guess what? We have a beginning and a middle now.”

“What about an end?”

“There will never be one with you. I’ll make damn sure of it.”

She threw her arms around my shoulders and kissed me again. The noise faded away, and it was just us. Just two people trying to be who they wanted and do what they wanted. I had a feeling it’d be much easier with Em by my side.

She pulled away this time. “I’m sorry. It seems I can never keep my lips away from you.” I reached for her again but an excited cry came from right next to us.

“Bear!” It was Kelsey. She threw herself into my arms. “You knew all along.” She punched me playfully. “How could you not tell me?”

When I placed her back on the floor, she hugged Em, whose eyes had now turned glassy with unshed tears.

She looked from Chase to Kelsey and smiled. “That was the sweetest thing.”

Chase put his arm around his fiancée and pulled her tight to him.

My head was bursting with emotions and words. “I’m really happy for you guys.”

Kelsey reached out and touched my shoulder. “So, you forgive him?”

Chase stared at his feet. Though we’d talked a lot, our conversation never went there. I was glad Kelsey gave me the opportunity to speak my mind. “Yes.” His gaze lifted. “I forgive you.”

I clasped Chase’s outstretched hand and pulled him in for a hug. “He’s smiling right now.”

“I hope so.”

This was the second thing I was most sure of. “He is. Trust me.”

The first thing was that I loved Em.

Chase looked back at his girl and then at me. “So, um, I’m going to be counting on you through all this.”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t the best man supposed to help out the groom?”

A smile lit his face when he saw realization dawn on mine. “Are you asking me to be your best man?”

“I didn’t think I needed to.”

“You don’t.”

Kelsey clasped her hands under her chin. Tears had started to fall. “I’m just so happy right now.”

Chase wrapped his arms around her. Her hand reached for me and I grabbed it. She pulled me toward them and I took Em with me where she belonged. Together, we shared a group hug and for the first time in a long time, Kyle’s absence wasn’t hovering over me. Because he was there—maybe not physically, but in every way that mattered.

I ran my hand through Em’s hair and she smiled, her chin on Kelsey’s shoulder. “I love you,” I mouthed.

“Me, too.”

Did you love this Embrace? Check out more of our new adult titles here!

And for exclusive sneak peeks at our upcoming books, excerpts, contests, chats with our authors and editors, and more…

Sign up for our Newsletter

Be sure to like us on Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

Acknowledgments

So much love to all the Chase and Kelsey fans out there. I was blown away by the messages and reviews I received for How We Lived, and so grateful that people seemed to love their story as much as I do. I hope you love Bear and Em, too!

Thank you to my family, my friends, and the great team at Entangled. I’m so happy I get to continue to write stories that other people read and seem to like and that has a lot to do with all of you, so THANK YOU.

About the Author

Erin Butler is lucky enough to have two jobs she truly loves. As a librarian, she gets to work with books, and as an author, Erin writes the kind of books she loves to read. She prefers to spend her time indoors reading and writing, but will venture out for chocolate and sunshine. Young Adult and New Adult books are her favorites, especially ones with kissing scenes.

Erin is the author of BLOOD HEX, a YA paranormal, and HOW WE LIVED.

Sign up for our New Adult newsletter and be the first to hear about new releases from Erin Butler and other fantastic Entangled authors!

Reviews help other readers find books. We appreciate all reviews, whether positive or negative. Thank you for reading!

Also by Erin Butler…

HOW WE LIVED

Nineteen-year-old Kelsey watched her brother’s funeral from afar, like an outsider. Chase came, though. She knew he would. Until a few months ago, the three of them had been best friends, then Chase made a mistake that shattered them all. But when Kelsey looks at him, she doesn’t see her brother’s killer. She sees the boy next door who’s always taken care of her. But the boy she loves is still hiding secrets from that night. Secrets she can’t know. Secrets that might destroy everything they have…again.

ABBY AND THE CUTE ONE

Every member of Seconds to Juliet has a girlfriend—except for Nathan Strong. Now the band’s manager is leaning hard on “The Cute One” to play the role of the band’s heartthrob. With the band’s sales in decline, it’s up to Nathan to keep the fans’ fantasy alive. But in private, Nathan’s stealing kisses with the band’s new opening act, Abby Curtis. If they’re caught, no one wins. Abby will be fired, and the band might not recover the success they need to survive. And it’s only a matter of time before it all falls apart.

Discover more New Adult titles from Entangled Embrace…

WRITTEN ON MY HEART

a novel by Cole Gibsen

It’s been six months since Ashlyn Daniels was kicked out of her home. Six months since she stood up to her abusive stepfather and got a busted rib—and seeing all her things set ablaze in a backyard bonfire—for her trouble. Never going back. She doesn’t need trouble…especially if trouble is tattoo artist Lane Garrett, who’s six-feet-plus of tattooed hotness and a complete ass. But while some secrets are as visible as ink on the skin, others must be hidden at all costs…

OWN ME

a Silver Strand novel by Lexi Scott

Genevieve Rodriguez’s life isn’t panning out the way she’s always envisioned. Then Adam Abramowitz, her super-cute, super-smart physics tutor—who never seems to notice even her sexiest tops—tells her his visa is about to expire. The words pop out of Genevieve’s mouth before she can stop them: “Marry me.” At first, it’s a joke…until it’s not. Because in that brief, unexpected moment, everything changes. Adam and Genevieve are about to discover what happens when you push the limits.

LETTING GO

a novel by Jessica Ruddick

Cori Elliott likes order. But then a devastating revelation sends her running from her past and straight to the nearest frat party. And right into the arms of Luke Evans. Now Cori’s life isn’t so perfect anymore. In fact, it’s all coming apart. The only way she can save herself is to let go of everything—including the girl she used to be. Even if it means losing the perfect guy in the process…

WHAT IF

by A.J. Pine

Griffin Reed is buried under his parents’ expectations to follow in his father’s footsteps. He cloaks his own wants in self sabotage—until he picks up a pretty, red-haired hitchhiker. Maggie Kendall’s life is dependent on sticky notes, photos, and medication to get through each day. The last thing she needs is a distraction—or someone new to disappoint. Griffin and Maggie just might have a future if they could let go of the past. But that means taking a chance on the one thing they both avoid—complicated.

OJW Conversion -

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Erin Butler…

How We Lived

Abby and the Cute One

Discover more New Adult titles from Entangled Embrace…

Written on My Heart

Own Me

Letting Go

What If