“What are you talking about?” Sarah asked over the phone.
Colton looked around the club. Lula Mae had Stephanie King by the ankle. The nine year old had just finished changing. She used her claws like a cheese grater and slowly shredded her victim. The midget stripper was screaming for help right up until Lula Mae snapped her jaws shut over the woman’s head.
“You know how this all started with Coonass saying he saw a werewolf? Well…we finally found one.”
“Honey…get out of there.” Sarah pleaded.
The lifeless body of Stephanie King twirled through the air and slammed into the dart board. She hit with such force that she broke through the wall. Two tiny legs were the only thing still visible from the room. Lula Mae scanned the room until she locked eyes on Damien and the two midget strippers standing next to him.
Danior’s eyes snapped open. He could feel Lula Mae’s rage. He stood up and pushed his will out to all his other werewolves in the city. If anyone got out of the club then he’d lose the element of surprise. He gave his people one command…kill.
Johanna and most of her students started running. Police, and firemen that had been converted left the calls they were already working and headed for Shorty’s. Jimbo stopped making passionate love to a pitbull, zipped up his pants, and started running through backyards to get to the strip club. Almost five hundred zombie werewolves were converging with one goal. Destroy the club before anyone could get out and tell the world.
Danior walked out the front door of the home he’d turned into his base of operations and snapped his fingers. One of the converted men pulled a car around and started driving him to the strip club. First he had to get the scene under control, and then he’d kill the little bitch that let her jealousy put all his plans at risk.
Lula Mae felt the order come down from Danior, and she was more than happy to slaughter everyone in the club. She already knew who the next two victims were going to be. She leapt onto Sukya Stankhose. The blonde screamed and held up a silver cross. Lula Mae grabbed the cross, and it burned through the werewolf’s hand.
“I guess silver does work.” Bobby said.
“Great…so all we need is some silver.” Colton’s voice trembled with fear. Both men were hiding behind a table.
“Colton! Baby! Are you still there?” Sarah’s voice screeched over the phone. She was terrified.
“Yeah…I’m gonna have to let you go. We gotta get out of here.” Colton started to hangup.
“Wait! We’ve got a ride out of the city. Come to the airport. Hurry because they won’t be able to wait on you for long once we get there. I’ll get them to send you the information. Be careful Baby!” Sarah disconnected.
“We have to go!” Colton yanked Bobby’s arm.
Lula Mae’s hand shot out and imbedded into Jasmine Vayle’s chest. The girl jerked her claw back and Jasmine’s still beating heart was ripped out of her chest. The tiny black woman tried to scoop the blood pouring out of her chest back into the hole in a desperate but futile attempt at survival.
Bobby and Colton scrambled for the door.
“Where do you think you are going.” Damien said as he rolled to intercept them.
Colton tried to run past, but Damien turned his tazer towards the redhead.
*Zap*
“Fucker!” Bobby screamed as he watched his friend fall to the ground twitching.
“You can not leave. Master has forbidden it.” Damien said.
Bobby dodged the tazing prong. He danced back and forth stepping around and hopping over the prong. “Well your master can kiss my ass!” Bobby said as he threw three mediocre jabs into Damien’s face. “Colton would you get up. Shit! I can’t keep this up forever. That longer we hang around the more likely it’ll be that the furry little psycho over there comes after us.”
Colton rolled over and stood up. “Jesus…that hurt.” He saw his friend jumping over the tazing prong. The young man operating the wheelchair was moving back and forth as he tried to match Bobby move for move. Colton looked around and saw the janitors mop. He snatched it up and stuck the mop handle through the wheels. “That should hold you.”
Damien’s wheelchair was stuck, “You son of a witch!”
“Son of a witch? You know what…it’s not even worth it. Colton! Let’s go!” Bobby yelled.
Colton started running. They were just about to reach the door when Lula Mae leapt passed them and blocked their way. She snarled and howled. One of the bartenders tried to sneak past her, and the young undead werewolf backhanded the man. His head was there one minute, and then gone the next. The body fell limply to the ground.
“Move your ginger ass Colt! To the bar!” Bobby screamed.
The two men ran behind the bar. Bobby started searching the alcohol. Lula Mae killed three more of the midgets, and slashed Rachel Morgasm’s face. Rachel fell to the ground screaming.
“Bobby? What are you doing?” Colton asked.
“Getting us a way out.” Bobby said as he pulled two bottles of Everclear out from under the bar. “Take off your shirt.”
“Why?” Colton asked.
“Just do it.” Bobby demanded as he yanked off his own shirt and started stuffing part of it down into the bottle.
Colton watched the man hold the remaining cloth over a candle until it caught fire. “Hey Benji!” Bobby screamed at Lula Mae. The young werewolf snarled and started walking over towards the two men. “Fetch!” Bobby threw the bottle of Everclear through the air. It hit Lula Mae right between the eyes. The glass shattered, and the Everclear ignited. Lula Mae roared as the flames burned her flesh. “Guess she’s a hotdog now.”
Colton stuffed his shirt into the Everclear bottle, “What are we going to do with this one?”
“Insurance.” Bobby yelled as he swiped some matches from the bar.
The two men ran out the front door and heard sirens. “Do we wait?” Bobby asked.
“Hell no! My wife said get to the airport, so we’re getting to the airport.”
Both men started running towards Bourbon Street. “We can try to hide in the crowd if that thing comes after us.”
Danior felt Lula Mae’s fear as the fire was swallowing her up. He realized immediately that several of the people in the strip club were escaping. There was no way to contain it. The only way they’d still have the element of surprise is if they attacked now. Danior pushed his will into all the werewolves to infect or kill everyone they came across. Instead of carefully making their way through the city, they began attacking everyone they saw as they closed in on the club.
Johanna and her students quit running to Shorty’s. They received their new command and immediately began changing. Johanna leapt onto a family of four and began savaging them. Her students moved into the bars and started tearing people apart. Some of them even started climbing up into the balconies overlooking the street to go after the people celebrating Mardis Gras.
The mothers set their baby werewolves down on the ground and let them run wild. They were like tiny blurs cutting people off at the knees. The policemen and firemen that had already been infected turned their attention to infecting their coworkers. Officers changed, and then yanked other fellow officers out of their cars. Firemen began going into other firehouses and attacked everyone inside. Jimbo snatched a three month old out of his stroller and swallowed him whole. Then he ate the child’s screaming mother. The zombie werewolves were just ripping and tearing into everyone in sight.
“Bobby, I’m sorry I ever doubted you about these werewolves, but for the record. I hate it when you’re right.” Colton panted as he ran past Fritzels European Jazz Pub. He was already tired and they’d barely made it around the corner.
“Yeah, I’m wishing I was wrong too.” Colton yelled back. He kept trying to run, but then had to wait so that he didn’t leave his friend behind. “Now can you run a little.”
“I am running.”
Colton tried to think of a way to get his friend to run faster. Then it came to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of Sarah’s low fat low sugar knockoff twinkies and dangled it in front of Colton’s face, “You catch me and you can have it.”
“Dammit Bobby…this isn’t a time for jokes.” Colton growled, but even he couldn’t deny that he’d started running a little faster. They ran under the neon Tropical Isle sign and crossed Orleans Street just as Jimbo landed on two nineteen year old girls flashing their tits for beads.
“Wrong way!” Bobby screamed. He turned back around and started running with Colton right behind him. The two men heard the screams as the people behind them were being mauled by more and more of the zombie werewolves. They ran down Bourbon Street past drunken tourists, and women using their breasts to get as many beads as possible.
“Bobby stop slowing down. No tits are worth dying over.” Colton shoved his friend forward. “And give me that Twinkie.”
“You get it when we get out of here.” Bobby yelled.
They turned left on Dumaine Street. By then the massive crowd on Bourbon Street was panicked and running in all directions to get away from the giant furry attackers. Throngs of people were running down the road, ducking into bars and shops, and doing everything they could think of to get away. Bobby and Colton ran a half a block before they stopped cold in their tracks. Shambling down the road towards them were hundreds of zombies.
“Oh this just keeps getting better.” Bobby groaned sarcastically before turning around and running back the other way on Dumaine Street.
“Shit-shit-shit-shit!” Colton screamed as they crossed back over Bourbon Street. The two men weaved in and out through the terrified tourists. Then they saw her.
Lula Mae was still smoking a little, and not everything had healed on the werewolf, but she was coming fast and angry. She roared, and right behind her was the young man in the wheelchair tazing the crap out of everyone he could. “Ah…rue. Ah…rue mother father.” Damien said.
Bobby and Colton ran as fast as they could down Dumaine Street. “Look, a voodoo museum. Maybe it’ll have something to fight them off with.” Bobby yelled. They ran to the shuttered doors. “Shit…it’s closed.”
“What? Shouldn’t a voodoo museum be open after dark?” Colton asked.
“I don’t set the hours!” Bobby screamed.
“Don’t yell at me!” Colton snapped back.
Lula Mae skittered down the street towards them. Her claws making loud scraping sounds on the pavement as she got closer. Bobby looked up and saw her. He took a match and lit the cloth in the Everclear bottle. He raised the bottle and flung it at her. It spun through the air right for her, and at the last moment she sidestepped it. It exploded, but missed her completely. The young werewolf gave a big toothy grin knowing that she had them now. The two men that had hurt her so badly were going to pay.
Bobby and Colton wrapped their arms around each other. “Well this is it.” Bobby said. “I just wanted you to know…you’ve always been my best friend, and I was always joking when I said you didn’t have a soul. You’ve got a big one. You’re the best friend a nine-fingered jackass like me could ever have.”
Colton held onto his friend, “I once peed in your coffee.”
“You son of a bitch!”
Lula Mae moved closer. She readied herself to pounce on the two men.
“I’m really sorry about it.” Colton sobbed. “You just picked at me so much all these years. I had a moment of weakness.”
Bobby sighed, “Apology accepted, and Colton.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m the one that told all those kids at the mall that you were one of Santa’s elves.”
Colton laughed, “You asshole. Those little bastards where pissed when I tried to tell them the truth. Some of them even bit me. I forgive you too.”
Lula Mae started to lunge, and just then a box truck slammed into her. It didn’t even slow down. She slid down the front of the truck, and then went under it. Wheels snapped bones as she was twisted and torqued by the undercarriage. The werewolf bounced and rolled down the street.
“Well let’s not wait here for her to get up. Run you nine-fingered jackass!” Colton bellowed.
“After you, you fat, soulless, midget, ginger…move your little Oompa Loompa ass.”
The two men reached Royal Street and turned right. Colton was completely exhausted. “I can’t run much more.”
“You better…because I sure as shit ain’t leaving you.” Bobby snapped. “Besides…Twinkie.”
“Twinkies aren’t going to get me through this. Fuck Bobby…I’m serious. I can’t run anymore.”
Bobby looked around desperately. Then he saw it. A pedicab was just a little ways down the road. The rider was taking a break, completely oblivious to the carnage just one block over. Bobby grabbed Colton and dragged him to the pedicab. He pushed Colton in it.
“Hey buddy! I’m off the clock.” The pedicab driver snapped.
“That’s okay. I don’t need you. I just need the cab.” Bobby said before punching the man in the face. Unfortunately Bobby’s punch was less than effective. The man leaned back and blasted Bobby with a right cross that knocked him flat on his ass.
Colton hopped out of the cab. “Sorry about this bud…but we need your cab. I’m too tired to run, and he’s too stupid to ask nicely. It’s time for some redneck-fu.”
The pedicab driver took a swing, and Colton ducked it. He then took another swing, and Colton blocked it. “I’m really sorry about this.” Colton said before punching the man in the side of the knee. The man’s leg went wobbly and he fell to the ground. The man tried to stand back up, but Colton ran and shoulder tackled the man to the ground. Then he stood up and jumped as high as his ten inch vertical leap would take him before crashing down on the man, and knocking the wind out of him.
Bobby was already on the bike, “Come on Colton! We can’t wait. That furry bitch is gonna get us if we hang around here.”
“We can’t leave him here. They’ll eat him.”
“Fine…dammit.” Bobby got off the bike and lifted the man up into the back of the pedicab. “Now can we get the fuck out of here?”
“Sure.” Colton said as he climbed into the pedicab with the man. “What’s your name fella?”
“Juan.” The man gasped.
“Well Juan. Hold on because my friend there is going to give us a hell of a ride.”
Bobby started peddling as hard as he could. The cab took off slowly, but gained speed. It wasn’t long before they were moving through the crowds as fast as Bobby could navigate. “Move you sons of bitches! Oompa Loompa coming through!” Bobby screamed.
A few times he ran over some feet, but mostly he got to where he could steer pretty effectively without hitting anyone or anything. People were instinctively getting out of his way. Bobby pedaled down to Toulouse Street. The screams of the people on Bourbon Street got louder and more panicked with each passing second. They turned left on Toulouse to try and get away. They reached Chartres Street, and Bobby stopped. There were more zombies shambling up towards them on Toulouse. “Can’t we catch a fucking break?” He turned left on Chartres and started pedaling again.
“Where the hell are you going?” Colton yelled.
“I don’t know!” Bobby snapped back over his shoulder. “I’m just trying to stay away from anything that wants to eat us.”
“Well you know you are heading back towards the werewolves right?” Bobby said.
“What? No…SHIT!” Bobby groaned before coming to a stop in front of St. Louis Cathedral. Zombies were closing in on all sides, and the three men could hear the howls of hungry zombie werewolves in all directions.
Bobby jumped off and ran inside the church with Colton right behind him. Juan panicked and ran back the way he came. Unfortunately by that time the zombies had closed off the street. He was trapped. He turned and tried to run, but Lula Mae leapt from a rooftop onto the man. She crushed his spine, and then ripped off his head. She gave him a sniff, and then looked at the church and growled.
Bobby and Colton walked inside. “Oh my God…this place is amazing.” Bobby gasped. Columns stretched down both sides of the pews, chandeliers hung down lighting the inside of the church. Everything was beautifully adorned. It was a feast for the eyes.
“The whole place looks empty.” Colton said nervously.
“This can’t possibly be good.”
Then they heard faint groaning. Bobby and Colton walked towards the front of the church, and then they saw it. Several of the zombies had already made it inside, and were eating the priest. The priest raised a hand towards them, “Help me.”
“Sorry padre…it’s already too late.” Bobby said as he and Colton tried to back out of the church the way they came. They were almost to the doors when Lula Mae burst in snarling. She locked eyes on the two men. Bobby and Colton ran towards the alter, and grabbed two of the silver candlesticks to use as clubs.
“Down! Heel!” Bobby yelled as he swung the candlestick at Lula Mae’s head. The silver struck her shoulder and cut like a hot knife through butter. Lula Mae howled in pain and jerked back. The two men positioned themselves with their back against the alter in an effort to keep the young zombie werewolf in front of them.
Lula Mae snarled and snapped as she circled them. They’d set her on fire. They were there when she was hit by a truck, and now she was going to make them pay. She lunged at them, and Colton stabbed her in the leg with the silver candlestick. It burned all the way down to the bone. Lula Mae jerked back. As long as they had silver she couldn’t get near them, and then an idea came to her.
She ran over to the zombies eating the priest, and picked one of them up. She flung the undead man right at Bobby’s head like a dart. Bobby screamed and flopped onto the ground. The zombie crashed face first against the alter and lay motionless. His head was caved in from the impact. Lula Mae grabbed another zombie, and flung it at Colton. Colton tucked and rolled along the ground to avoid the flailing undead woman flying at him like a Nolan Ryan fastball.
Lula Mae kept doing this until she exhausted her supply of zombies, then she threw the priest at Bobby to send him a little farther away. The two men were separated, and now all she had to do was decide which one to attack first. Lula Mae leapt at Colton. The short redhead held his candlestick out and the young werewolf grabbed onto a chandelier at the last second to avoid having the candlestick plunge through her head. She swung wildly before the chandelier broke and she fell crashing into the pews. She rose up and snarled as she realized the two men had run back together to help defend against her.
Danior’s car rolled past Damien just outside church. He was going to deal with the girl personally. He got out with his driver and they walked towards the entrance.
“She did not mean to start this. It is my fault. I went off to enjoy myself and left her. I did not think she would go crazy like she did, but I probably should have known she would do something. I am sorry master.” Damien said as he tried to calm the man down. As much as Lula Mae annoyed him, he didn’t want to see her killed. She was just a kid, a really messed up kid, but still just a kid.
Danior kicked the doors open and glared at the young werewolf. Lula Mae looked back at him, and whimpered. Danior’s driver began changing and ran at Bobby. The skinny man’s clothes ripped and shredded as he changed. Colton flung his candlestick at the changing zombie werewolf that was charging them. It struck the man right between the eyes and proceeded to carve its way through the man. It rattled onto the ground, and a perfectly bisected zombie werewolf lay in halves on the ground. Colton reached back and grabbed another candlestick.
Danior’s rage sent his body rippling into the change as he locked eyes on the two men. He could kill the girl later. Right now he needed to destroy these two. He started walking into the room as fur tore its way through his skin. He turned his head and spat some of the teeth out of his mouth as their sharper, more deadly replacements started growing out. He reached up and ripped away his clothing as the claws began to puncture their way out of his fingertips.
Colton and Bobby watched in horror as the man grew taller, more muscular, and furry. There was no way they were going to beat two zombie werewolves. Bobby and Colton backed up against the wall and held out their candlesticks in a desperate attempt to keep Danior and Lula Mae at bay. Then Damien rolled in. “Ah…rue mother father. You two are really fudged now.” He said as fur ripped out through one side of his face.
“What the fuck are you supposed to be?” Bobby and Colton both said in unison as they stared in confusion at Damien. The young wheelchair bound man had changed, but as always not every part of him changed. The entire left side of his face change, but the right side stayed normal. This feet changed, and his left hand.
“I am the guy that will be eating you and shipping you out later.” Damien answered.
“Shipping?” Colton and Bobby said in confusion.
“Shipping. Shipping. S-H-I-T-T-I-N-G.” Danior answered. The parental lock on his system had him so angry that he was actually twitching a little.
Bobby and Colton shrugged as they looked at one another, and then they held their candlesticks up defensively again. Bobby and Colton were ready to go down fighting. Meanwhile outside the cathedral zombies were attacking everyone. News agencies were showing the live feeds on all the major networks.
***Washington D.C.***
“Barry honey…why don’t you turn that off and come to bed? It’s been weeks since you and I got to spend some real time together.” Michelle cooed seductively.
Barry watched the images as zombies and zombie werewolves were slaughtering everyone in New Orleans. “I’m sorry Babe. I got to call the cabinet together to take care of this.” Barry stood up and found his slippers before picking up his cell phone to call his men together. He finally reached the last number.
“Honey what is it? What’s wrong?” Michelle asked sympathetically.
“I gotta call Joseph.” Barry groaned.
“Honey he’s not that bad is he?”
“We asked him to try and identify better with the younger generations, but we didn’t expect him to embrace it. Did you know he’s convinced that he’s now Vice-black?”
Michelle started giggling, “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh…yeah. Not even joking a little.” Barry grumbled. “You know when I ran for office he was considered one of the sharpest minds in government.”
“And now?”
“Now I wonder some days if I’m not just leading the lunatics in the asylum.” Barry grumbled as he dialed Joseph’s number.
“Sup yo!” Joseph answered.
***New Orleans***
Danior, Damien, and Lula Mae spread out and started closing in on Bobby and Colton. “We’ll it can’t get much worse.” Colton said.
Jimbo walked in fully changed. Drool dripped from his fangs. Bobby turned to his friend, “Really? You had to open your fat ginger mouth?”
“You can’t blame this on me!” Colton snapped.
Jimbo leaped at the two men. Bobby and Colton swung their candlesticks. Both candlesticks hit the werewolf in the arms, and cut them both so deeply that it would be a few minutes before they healed enough for him to actually use them again. Jimbo rolled and writhed away as his arms flopped around in all directions. “If you got an idea, now would be good.” Bobby said.
Danior pushed his will into Lula Mae. She was going to be useful, one last time. He ordered her to get ready to leap at Bobby and Colton. He was going to use her to take the blows from the candlesticks, and then he’d kill them while they were busy with Lula Mae.
Lula Mae was getting ready to attack the men as she’d been commanded when Jessup and Digger came through the door. “REVENGE!” Jessup screamed.
“REVENGE!” Digger echoed the man. Jessup and Digger never hesitated. They both leapt onto Danior. Seconds later Jessup went sailing back out through the front door. Digger was changing as he kept gnawing on Danior’s leg.
Danior kicked the albino armadillo off, and he went bouncing through the pews. Jimbo and Lula Mae leapt onto the armadillo. Lula Mae bit down on Digger’s back and tore away a chunk from the armadillo.
“Let him go!” Jessup screamed as he ran back through the doorway. He leaped onto Lula Mae and twisted her off Digger. Her spine snapped and she flopped across the floor.
“Lula Mae.” Damien said as he rolled across the floor to check on the girl.
“Can you believe that bitch bit me?” Digger was incredulous.
“Are you okay?” Jessup asked.
Digger ignored the man’s question as his body knitted back together. “Oh I’m giving her ass the roto-rooter treatment for sure now!”
“So do we help them?” Colton asked.
“Fuck no! That’s the one that I told you about. That son of a bitch tried to kill me.” Bobby said as he pointed at Jessup. “I say we let them beat the hell out of each other, and first chance we get we make a break for the doorway.”
***Washington D.C***
“So what are we going to do gentleman?” Barry asked.
Most of his cabinet sat around waiting for the man to tell them. Nobody wanted to be the one to say send in the troops. They already knew there’d be investigations, and senate hearings. Whoever went on record as being the one to suggest killing Americans, even undead Americans was going to be roasted by the republicans in congress. The news was going to have a field day with it.
Joseph leaned back in his chair, “Whizzle wizzle nizzle to do is sizzle in thizzle troops, but hizzle a bizzle plizzle Somizzle in cizzle thizzle doizzle work. Also wizzle nizzle a covizzle story. I'm thizzle wizzle should blizzle it on tizzle prizzle to drizzle up lizzle thizzle undizzle to add addizzle fizzle to thizzle locizzle publizzle Wizzle should probizzle eizzle blizzle Cubizzle sizzle it's thizzle only enizzle nizzle closizzle enough to gizzle to us in numbizzle lizzle thizzle or sizzle thizzle rizzle a chizzle agizzle thizzle drovizzle our cizzle mizzle Of coursizzle if wizzle sizzle thizzle wizzle nizzle to fizzle thizzle chizzle rizzle So it's bizzle thizzle wizzle just sizzle thizzle wizzle tizzle and lizzle thizzle chizzle stuff out of it.”
Barry looked around, “Does anyone know what the fuck he just said? Denis?”
“Sorry sir…that’s even a little much for me to figure out.” Denis answered.
“Joseph? I know there’s still an old white guy tucked away in there somewhere.” Barry said as he stood in front of the vice president. “I need the old Joseph to come out and tell me what you just said.”
“Why you trippin?” Joseph answered, and then he started flashing gang signs at the secretary of defense.
*Smack*
Barry’s hand stung from slapping his vice-president. He raised his hand again and slapped the man. “I’m sorry that I have to do this Joseph, but I’m going to have to slap the black off of you.” He kept slapping the vice-president as hard and as fast as he could until his hand throbbed. “Now tell me what the fuck you just said.”
Joseph stared up at the president with tears in his eyes. His face was already starting to look red and would probably be bruised. Joseph opened his mouth and calmly responded, “What we need to do is send in the troops, but have a backup plan. Something in case this doesn't work. Also we'll need a cover story. I'm thinking we should blame it on terrorists pretending to dress up like the undead to add additional fear to the local public. We should probably either blame Cuba since it's the only enemy nation close enough to get to us in numbers like this, or say they released a chemical agent that drove our citizens mad. Of course if we say that we'll need to fake the chemical reports. So it's better that we just say they were terrorists and leave the chemical stuff out of it.”
“Thank you Joseph.” Barry said. “I’m sorry I had to do that.”
“It’s okay. Can I still be vice-black?” Joseph asked.
“Joseph…seriously?” Barry groaned.
“Yeah…like I told you. It makes my penis bigger.” Joseph grinned, and a trickle of blood ran down the corner of his mouth.
“Fine…you can be vice-black…Jesus.” Barry shook his head and then looked at Denis, “Get me the papers to sign. We’re sending in troops. I want airstrikes in fifteen minutes and boots on the ground in thirty.” Barry ordered.
“Mr. President…how are we going to do that? I mean that’s a pretty quick turnaround.” Denis asked.
Barry put a reassuring hand on the man’s shoulder, “There are four military bases in Louisiana. Two of them are in New Orleans. I want this situation under control within the hour.”
“But Sir.” One of the cabinet asked. “There are going to be some heavy casualties. Are we really just going to blame it on terrorists?”
“Why not? If we say it, and we keep saying it, and nobody wavers then we’ll be fine. That being said…nobody better even think about putting this in an e-mail or on their twitter. I’ll have your head if you do.” Barry growled.
***New Orleans***
Lula Mae leapt onto Jessup’s back and tried to hold him long enough for Danior to kill him, but as a fully changed zombie werewolf Jessup was just simply bigger and stronger than the young girl. He strained and both of the girl’s forearms snapped and gave way as he muscled his way out of her grip. He then grabbed her and threw her at Danior. Lula Mae howled as she whirled through the air towards her master. Danior caught her, twisted his body to shift the momentum, and then sent her flying back at Jessup. The girl crashed into Jessup and they both went flying back into one of the columns.
The column cracked and fell over under the impact. Seconds later Jessup threw Lula Mae off him, and he went careening across the cathedral into another column. It practically exploded from the impact. Meanwhile, Digger was on top of Jimbo and tearing him into confetti. Jimbo was healing almost as fast as Digger could tear him apart. Eventually he grabbed Digger’s tail and yanked the albino zombie werewolf armadillo off him. Digger’s claws dug into his back, and pulled off everything down to the muscle before he found himself dangling by his tail. A sheet of skin from his shoulders to his hips hung down at his waist. Jimbo held the fully changed armadillo up by the tail and commenced to beating on it with his other fist like a punching bag.
“Bobby, if we don’t pick a side they’re gonna knock this place down all around us.” Colton said.
“Fine…but which side?” Bobby asked.
“I say go with the armadillo and the guy over there. Sure they tried to eat you, but there’s only two of them. When this is over we might stand at least a little chance fighting them. We won’t have a chance in hell against those three over there and that wheelchair bound whatever he is.” Colton answered.
“Alright, but we stay together.” Bobby demanded.
Colton nodded and the two men made their way towards Jimbo. While he had his back turned they took their candlesticks and clubbed him at both knees. The silver burned cleanly through, and Jimbo fell onto the ends of two bloody stumps. Exposed bone slammed into the floor, and Jimbo toppled face first. Digger hit the ground and rolled to his feet. Immediately he began gnawing Jimbo’s wrist. It came off in two bites, and then Digger turned his attention to Danior. “Revenge!” Digger screamed before running face first into Danior’s ass cheeks.
Danior howled in pain as the armadillo tried to climb his way up inside the man. Digger was laughing maniacally as his head passed the man’s prostate. Danior only had one chance. He bent over, and dug his claws into his own stomach, and reached in to grab the armadillo. His internal organs spilled out on the floor as he made a desperate attempt to head Digger off before he could really start tearing his way through the man.
Jessup had Lula Mae pinned down. He was about to rip her head off when Damien tried to hit him with the silver prong. Jessup leapt back, and Damien advanced on him. It was pointless. The wheelchair bound zombie werewolf couldn’t possibly keep up with the movements of the much larger and faster Jessup, but he kept trying to steer his pronged tazer into Jessup. “I am sorry. I do not really want to do this, but I cannot let you hurt Lula Mae. She is as annoying as duck, but she cares about me, and she sees me as a real person. We do not have a choice. Master is making us fight you, but if you can. Please do not kill her. She is the closest thing to a real friend I have ever had.”
Danior reached Digger’s face, and started trying to gouge out his eyes. Digger in turn started snapping and biting at the man’s fingers. Bobby leaned back and threw his candlestick at Danior. It whirled towards him, and Danior ducked. Unfortunately, when he ducked Digger found traction. He pushed forward and drove Danior to his knees. He braced himself on one hand while shoving his other hand deep into his own gut to fend off the armadillo.
Jessup howled and feinted right. When Damien turned his chair right, Jessup went left. He got around behind the wheelchair bound zombie werewolf, and grabbed the back of the chair. Jessup pointed it at Danior. The man was completely focused on keeping Digger from advancing any further. Jessup kicked the back of Damien’s wheelchair and it zipped across the cathedral floor right at Damien’s Master’s head.
The silver prong found the top of Danior’s head and slipped right through. It went down into his neck and didn’t stop until it embedded itself in his heart. The silver went through the brain and then imbedded in the heart killing the pack leader immediately. He just hung there limply on the end of Damien’s tazer. The impact knocked Damien out of his chair. He rolled onto Danior’s head, and then flopped down below him. Damien was helpless. He couldn’t move at all as the blood and bits of brain and heart drained out from Danior’s wound.
“Revenge!” Digger screamed as he pulled himself back out of the dead werewolf’s butthole. He shook himself sending blood and shit everywhere. “Who’s next?”
Lula Mae picked herself up and ran to Damien. Without Danior to give her orders, she lost interest in fighting. She immediately started changing back to her human form. Parts of werewolf began sloughing off her as she leaned down over the man she loved. “Damien! Speak to me!”
Damien couldn’t do anything but stare up in frustration as more chunks of brain and heart dislodged themselves and were carried out through the wound in Danior’s skull and into Damien’s mouth. They dripped slowly, but with each chunk of brain and heart that Damien swallowed he felt himself getting…stronger.
Jimbo saw Colton and Bobby advancing on him, then he looked over and saw Jessup moving in as well, but when he heard Digger’s claws skittering on the floor towards him he knew it was time to retreat. The severely injured but still healing werewolf hobbled out of the cathedral. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Digger chased after the man giving angry grunts and squeals.
“Colton…I think it might be a good time if you and I sneaked out of here while we have the chance.” Bobby whispered.
“Already ahead of you.” Colton said as he reached into the pocket of the werewolf that they’d cut in half. He pulled out some keys.
“How’d you know he even had those?” Bobby asked as they moved quickly for the doorway.
“I heard a car pull up just before they came in here.” Colton said.
“Damn you Oompa Loompas have some good hearing.” Bobby chuckled.
“Screw you Bobby.” Colton said and then froze. Outside the church were hundreds of zombie werewolves that had been coming to save their pack leader before he died. “Oh we’re so fucked.”
Johanna and her students were just some of the zombie werewolves in the crowd. They all were immediately aware when Danior had died. They felt the compulsion he’d been sending out just stop. Some of the werewolves were crying. They couldn’t handle what they did over the last few days, and they couldn’t accept that they still had urges to kill and eat. They knew what their bodies were telling them to do was wrong, but it felt so right. The internal struggle was pushing their already fragile minds over the edge. Just then a Blackhawk helicopters roared across the city. They turned their guns on the zombie werewolves, and opened fire.
Thousands of bullets and tracers tore through the night air ripping into the werewolves. Across the city Helicopters were unloading on the thousands of zombies and zombie werewolves. The bullets tore the zombies apart leaving crippled up zombies crawling through the streets, but the bullets did little more than piss off the zombie werewolves. Soon the zombie werewolves were mounting a counter attack. They began climbing up buildings and leaping onto the low flying helicopters. Blackhawks were crashing all throughout the city.
Even the zombies started figuring out how to bring the copters down. They started grabbing some of the infant and baby zombies and throwing them high into the sky. Many of them either hit the helicopter blades and were chopped up, or came hurtling down to earth and splatting on the ground, but some landed on or in the helicopter and within minutes the chopper was crashing.
“Colton...MOVE YOUR GINGER ASS!” Bobby screamed, and both men ran for the car. With the zombie werewolves so distracted by the military, the two men were completely ignored. Colton started the car and threw it in gear. The car sped off towards the airport.
“I can’t believe we made it!” Colton laughed as he buried the front of the car through three zombies.
“We haven’t made it yet. Get us to the airport. Then we can talk.” Bobby answered before screaming as the car skidded around the corner. They reached I-10 and Colton accelerated. Zombies became a roving obstacle course. The car was making good time, even if it slammed into a body once in a while sending a spray of putrid flesh and blood everywhere.
“Bobby, call Sarah and tell her were maybe ten to fifteen minutes out.” Colton said.
“Okay.” Bobby dialed when Sarah picked up Bobby said, “We’re headed your way. We’ll be there in ten to fifteen, maybe sooner if Colton keep driving like a bat out of hell.”
“Okay, you two be careful. The plane is ready. Just follow the instructions and it’ll lead you straight to the plane.” Sarah said nervously.
“Where’d you guys get a plane?” Bobby asked.
“You won’t believe it until you see it. Just hurry.” Sarah pleaded.
“We’ll be there soon and…OH SHIT!” Bobby screamed.
“What?” Sarah asked.
Bobby’s wife Sue was standing in the center of the road just. She locked eyes with Bobby, and immediately fur began ripping through her skin.
“Sue’s a werewolf!” Bobby said as he tried to hide under the dash.
Colton steered right for Sue, “I never liked this bitch anyway.”
*Thump*
Colton looked over at his friend, “You can sit back up now chickenshit. I took care of the ex for you.”
“Thank God.” Bobby sighed as he sat back up.
Just then Sue’s clawed hand tore through the roof of the car. The two men screamed, and began dodging Sue’s claw as she tried to grab one of them and then the other. They were almost to the airport.
“What do we do?” Colton screamed.
“Keep driving!” Bobby ordered as he reached around looking for the candlestick.
Sue reached in farther and was able to get ahold of Colton’s collar. As he weaved down the road she began slamming him face first into the steering wheel.
*Honk-Honk-Honk-Honk*
“Get this crazy bitch off me!” Colton hollered.
Bobby found the candlestick and slapped it against Sue’s arm. It began cutting deep into the flesh, and then she her arm back out through the roof. Bobby watched for any sign that she might try to grab them again, but instead she leapt onto the hood. Sue was focused on Bobby. She snarled and growled as she began pounding on the windshield.
Colton turned the wheel and the car drove into the airport. Sue punched through the glass and tried to grab Bobby. Meanwhile Bobby was swinging the candlestick back and forth in a desperate attempt to keep her claws away. Then they saw the plane. It was large, and pink, and given a paintjob to make it resemble a giant penis in the air. On the side in big letters it said Genitalia from Australia.
“Aim for the giant flying cock!” Bobby ordered.
“What? Why?” Colton asked.
“We have airbags right?” Bobby asked.
“Yeah, but again…why?” Colton said nervously.
“Aim for that engine, and step on the gas.” Bobby grinned like madman.
“We could be killed!”
“Don’t puss out on me now. Kill this bitch for me and every ex-husband out there. If that doesn’t motivate you then do it for the Lollipop guild, and all the Oompa Loompas!”
“Fuck you Coonass!” Colton growled as he pointed the car right at one of the plane’s engines. The baggage cart was parked right in front of it. The car accelerated to ninety. Bobby grinned one last time at Sue and then flipped her the bird. The car buried into the baggage cart and both airbags deployed. Sue however wasn’t so fortunate. The momentum sent her right into one of the plane’s engines. It chopped her into hundreds if not thousands of pieces before the engine stopped working. Bits of Sue had clogged up the engine, and the pilots had to cut power to the engine to avoid starting a fire.
Bobby and Colton slowly climbed out of the car. Sarah and B.J. ran over to help them into the plane. The two men were bruised and sore. When they got on the plane Paul, Avery, Fish, and Chips came over to check them out and make sure they were okay. Then they found their seats and tried to ignore the shaking of the plane as the pilot flew them away. When they reached cruising altitude the pilot advised they could now move about the cabin, and only then did everyone start relaxing.
“With only three engines we’ll only be able to make it to Georgia, but that’ll put some distance between us and everything out there.” Paul said.
“Well it won’t be the long flight I hoped for, but you can still get to know us better.” Fish and Chips said as they hugged B.J.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing to my goddaughter?” Colton snapped. He struggled up to his feet.
Fish and Chips tried to explain, but Colton was having none of it. He was just about to start unleashing his redneck-fu, when Sarah stepped in, “Relax boys. I know how to handle this. Colton Baby? Can you help me with something in the back of the plane?”
“Not now…I need to keep an eye on these two. They look like they might try something.” Colton snapped.
Sarah leaned down, “But maybe I want to try something…come on Big Red. Don’t you want to join the mile high club?”
Colton eyed the two men standing beside B.J. and then looked back at his wife. He was conflicted, but then Sarah helped “straighten him out” by whispering all the things she had planned for him in the back of the plane. Colton didn’t even bother to say anything to the two men. Instead he just slapped his wife on the ass and laughed, “Well hell yeah! Let’s go!”
Bobby watched as the short man walked towards the curtain separating the front and back of the plane, “Colton!” Bobby barked.
Colton turned around, “What? Can’t you see I’m busy?”
Bobby took out the two low fat low calorie twinkies and tossed them to the little redhead, “You earned them. Now get back there and show Sarah how to fly the friendly skies.”
Colton grinned, “You really are a good friend Bobby.”
“Just remember…if you drop dead from all that good loving. I’ll be right there to console her.” Bobby smiled mischievously.
“Then I’m just gonna have to live forever.” Colton laughed.
Bobby smiled, “Boy…I hope so.”
Callie Hix arrived at the warehouse, “So where’s the contract, and who am I working with?”
The director Hedwig “The Pig” Spielberg walked up, “Callie baby! We didn’t think you’d make it.”
“Oh Heddy don’t be silly. As soon as my agent told me you were making this movie I said count me in. So what movie are we making anyway? Is it Backdoor Cumsluts Nine, Fist Me Motherfucker Eight, or Tranny Nun Gang Bang Twelve?” Callie asked.
“Your manager didn’t tell you? We’re doing something new. We’re adapting a book.” Hedwig grinned as he readjusted the wig that barely covered his seventy year old head.
“Book adaptation? What is it this time? Pride and Prejudice and Bukkake? Moby’s Dick? Charlie Pounds You In the Chocolate Factory? Please tell me it’s not going to be something about Winnie the Pooh…you know how I hate it when people shit on me.” Callie asked.
“No…it’s some crappy urban fantasy series called The Midnight Squad, but don’t worry. We’re using some artistic license to improve it a bit. We’ll make it more to suit our viewers tastes.” Hedwig “The Pig” said with a smile.
“How’d we get this steaming pile of crap?” Callie asked.
“Well the author sold his rights to another company. Apparently they didn’t actually read the book. They just bought it because it was selling well. Then they took one look and saw all the sex and other crap going on and they couldn’t wait to get rid of the damn thing. We bought the rights for next to nothing. So we punched it up a little. We had to cut out a shitload of God and Jesus stuff, and we had to make a few creative decisions on casting, but we think it’ll make some great tranny porn. You might even win an AVN award for this one.” Hedwig said with genuine excitement.
“So who am I playing?”
Hedwig started explaining, “Well Callie, you’ll be playing Josephina Reaper, but most of the time people will be calling you Grim. So we thought we’d do one of the sex scenes first. It’s going to be you and Barack in bed together. He’ll be playing a ghost priest that is seducing you for the first time. You’re supposed to be thinking it’s all a dream so when he sticks the tube in your ass-“
“Wait! What’s going into my ass?” Callie asked with genuine irritation.
“We’re going to be inserting a tube into your ass. It’s all part of the fantasy.” Hedwig said matter-of-factly.
“Why is there at tube going to be stuck in my ass?”
“So he can insert the gerbil of course.” Hedwig answered.
“Is that even legal?” Callie asked nervously.
“Don’t worry…it’s a stunt gerbil. He’ll be completely fine.” Hedwig dismissed her concerns without a second thought. “So Barack is playing the ghost priest named Johnathan, and he’ll be inserting the gerbil into your ass. After the gerbil is inserted he’ll step around in front of you so that you can blow him. Now I know how much you hate when the men shoot on your face, so I already told Barack to shoot his load all over your tits.”
Callie smiled, “Aw Heddy…thank you. That’s so sweet.”
Hedwig brought Callie over to Barack “The Cock” Moreau. The muscular black man smiled, “It’s been awhile Callie.”
“Fast and Furious Fuckers Two: This time it’s Anal. I can’t believe you remembered that.” Callie felt her face flush. She genuinely liked working with Barack “The Cock”. The man didn’t take liberties with his costars, he almost always remembered to use lube during anal, and whenever he forgot he was always very apologetic.
“Remembered it…it was some of my best work. That triple penetration scene with you practically made my career. I still don’t know how you were able to fit all of us in there.” Barack grinned.
Callie made her way over to the makeup woman. Heather Adams touched up a few things, and made sure to use a few makeup tricks to make Callie look more like the girl next door, and less like the girl walking the street. Callie began making small talk, “So why haven’t you made any of these movies? You’re definitely pretty enough?”
“Oh no…I’m really more interested in directing.” Heather answered. The truth was that she’d have died of embarrassment if anyone knew she was making porn movies. Her parents still thought she was a florist, and her boyfriend was absolutely sure she was making money as a bartender somewhere. Heather was beautiful, bordering on gorgeous, which was good everywhere but in the movie business. She had red hair and breasts that made the average man want to stand up and applaud. The problem was that when a woman is as beautiful as she is then she is almost expected to work in front of the camera instead of behind it. No matter what movie she was working on, at some point either the director, or casting, or a producer would come over and find some way to get her in front of the camera either as an extra, or they’d give her some small line. Heather hated acting. From day one she’d wanted to direct, but nobody was willing to give her a chance in regular movies. That’s when she started making porn.
She met Hedwig “The Pig” one day while assisting on a documentary about how pornography affects perceptions of women. The producer of the documentary talked about oppression of women by porn producers, and how pornography was belittling women. Hedwig was one of the people she interviewed, and she did her best to rattle the man. She insulted him, and treated him like the biggest scum on earth. The woman had actually demanded he apologize to women everywhere for how he portrayed women in his movies. Hedwig was kind, and genuinely polite to the rantings coming from the woman. Then afterwards he offered Heather a job working his cameras. It still made Heather laugh that for everything her former boss had said about sisterhood and uplifting women, she still hadn’t thought twice about not paying her. The woman actually had the gall to say Heather should be happy to work for free to help advance women’s caused.
Working for Hedwig was always a unique experience. The old man was like a sweet but horny grandfather on Viagra. There were always women coming and going, mostly cumming, around the seventy year old man known as “The Pig”. His full name was Hedwig Stein, but he changed his last name to Spielberg in the late seventies just so he could put Spielberg on the cover of his movies. It actually did improve his sales as some people were actually fooled into thinking Steven Spielberg made a porn movie.
When Heather first came to work for the man, she was nervous. She had suspicions about what working for a man nicknamed “The Pig” might be like. She was pleasantly surprised. Hedwig was actually a gentleman. He was thoughtful and tried to make everyone around him feel more at home. He got the nickname “The Pig” for the same reason bald people got called Curly, and tall people might get called Shorty. Before long Heather found herself happily working for “The Pig”. On big movies, he’d let her direct a few scenes. He was even starting to let her make her own movies under his name. On small movies then she helped out with makeup, or set design. In no time at all she’d quickly become Hedwig’s right hand woman, and in a lot of ways he thought of her like a daughter.
Heather finished with the makeup and pointed Callie Hix towards the bed. Barack was already standing beside the bed while one of the new transsexual actresses was sucking on him to get him hard for the scene. Heather always tried not to laugh when she saw one of the “fluffers” doing their job on the set. Apparently it was an unwritten rule that all cocks had to be fully erect on camera. It was as if the people watching at home might be offended at the sight of a limp dick. Like somewhere at home a man furiously masturbating would just completely lose interest waiting that minute or two for the pornstar to get an erection.
Callie climbed up in bed and pretended to be asleep. Heather then went over and picked up a second camera. With two cameras working, Hedwig could later cut and splice the scene together to make it look like they were lasting much longer, and on top of that he could always make sure he had a good angle. Heather and Hedwig worked well together. They just instinctively knew how to stay out of one another’s shots.
Barack leaned over and “woke” Callie. They began kissing and making out. It was all pretty straightforward stuff. Nothing unusual at all until Barack began lubing up the decorated PVC pipe. He pressed it against Callie’s butt cheeks and Heather zoomed in as Callie’s eyes bugged out the moment it began slipping inside.
“Okay bring in the gerbil.” Hedwig ordered, and an assistant brought Barack the rodent.
Heather zoomed in on the gerbil while it dangled over the pipe. Barack let the gerbil grab at the opening of the PVC pipe a few times before slipping him in. “Alright now step in front and let Callie suck you off.” Hedwig commanded. Barack stepped around and let his thick cock dangle down. Callie leaned up to take him in her mouth. She could feel the gerbil still skittering up the pipe. She opened her mouth and he slipped between her lips.
There was gunfire outside that drew everyone’s attention. Barack pulled himself out of her mouth and hopped off the bed, “What the hell is going on.”
Callie twisted and the PVC pipe hit the footboard causing it to jerk inside her. “Ow! Motherfucker!” Callie grunted in pain. “What’s going on?”
Heather Adams ran to the window. “Oh my God! It looks like World War Three out there!”
Outside Zombie Werewolves were leaping into the balconies to go after drunken tourists, zombies were marching through the streets ripping doors open and going after the people inside. Cars were being picked up and thrown through walls by the werewolves to get into the homes and businesses more easily. One of the krewes parading through the streets was trying desperately to get away from the gunfire raining down on them from the helicopters trying to destroy the undead. The parade leader was pumping away and still trying to perform for the onlookers. Meanwhile zombie werewolves closed in on all sides. They picked them off one at a time until the only survivors left were the parade leader, and the people smart enough to hide under the floats.
Two zombie werewolves landed on a giant skull float and began humping it in an effort to taunt the helicopter pilots. The chopper pilots opened fire on the floats, and the entire krewe was slaughtered in seconds. The parade leader was cut in half and lay bleeding on the ground. Meanwhile the two zombie werewolves standing on the giant skull just howled and kept taunting the chopper while their bullet wounds healed. The helicopter fired a missile at the ground, and the explosion was deafening. Heather stared in horror as the two werewolves stood on top of the flaming parade float. The flames and explosion left their bodies massively injured, but in almost no time at all they both began healing.
As soon as they were knitted back together one of them hopped down from the float, and out of Heather’s field of vision. Seconds later a trash can was sent flying up at the helicopter. It struck the rotor, and the helicopter went wildly out of control. It smashed into the ground, and the propeller tore off. Bits of debris went everywhere imbedding themselves into the undead.
Heather looked down below and jumped back. Shuffling up the stairs were dozens of zombies searching for their next meal. They were men and women of all ages and races. Zombie toddlers crawled up the stairs trying to avoid the grown-ups heavy footfalls. They reached the door and bashed it down with a few powerful blows. Heather and Hedwig tried to move to the rear exit, but it was blocked by some of the set designs.
Barack tried to bravely stand up to the zombies, but they overwhelmed him in seconds. Everyone watched in horror as the man was pulled in half. His organs spread out across the floor like some evil buffet. It was first come first serve, and they all began devouring Barack as fast as possible.
The other actors and actresses were picked off one at a time. The redheaded transsexual Irishman that played Penniworth Cooper was held down and had his flesh peeled off strip by strip to the enjoyment of the zombies. The man playing Karl the witch had his spine snapped so he’d stop trying to crawl away as they ate him. The fat tranny playing Dan Dinkly was actually carried out the front door screaming by several of the zombies like a trophy.
They picked them off one at a time until only Heather, Hedwig, and Callie were left. Callie stood behind Heather and Hedwig, “Keep them away!” She screamed before pushing Hedwig forward. “Take him! He’s old but fat and juicy!”
“Callie why?” Hedwig screamed as he felt himself falling forward. His hairpiece fell off as he stumbled into the hungry mob. They ripped off his plaid suit, and then started rending and tearing into the old man. Heather watched in horror as the man died screaming.
“I’m not going to die like this!” Callie sobbed before trying to run past the hungry zombies. One of them bit down on her arm, and pulled back a chunk of flesh. Callie twisted away but lost her balance. She backpedalled towards a window, and crashed through it. The transsexual former beauty queen fell from the second floor to the pavement. She landed on the PVC pipe and it was driven all the way through from her anus, through her heart, and then out her mouth.
Heather had nowhere to go, and more zombies were piling in by the second. Outside she could hear gunfire and what sounded like soldiers marching through the streets. She desperately searched for a way out, but it was clear there was nowhere except the same window Callie had fallen through. Heather feinted one direction and then went running for the window. She hopped through the window and dropped from the second floor. The landing shattered her left leg, and Heather screamed in agony.
Callie was sitting up beside her still twitching. Heather recoiled in horror as she saw the PVC pipe sticking out her mouth with the gerbil peeking out from the opening. Heather heard zombies trying to make their way back down to her so she started dragging her broken leg behind her. She was halfway down the block when she saw the military. Soldiers were peppering the undead with bullets. The zombies dropped right and left, but the zombie werewolves seemed almost amused by the bullets.
“Hey! Help!” Heather screamed and waved her hands.
Private Butters saw the beautiful redhead shambling up towards him in the distance. Her leg was shattered, but she was walking on it, and instead of running away from the gunfire she shambled toward it unafraid. Processing the facts as he saw it, he came to one simple conclusion and sighted in on Heather. “Damn shame to have to put down a piece of ass like that.” He said before pulling the trigger.
***
“What time is it? Butthole time!” Digger screamed as he started to sprint at Lula Mae’s bottom.
“Digger no!” Jessup screamed.
Digger skidded to a stop inches away from the girl’s butt. “What? Why?”
“They didn’t have any choice in what they were doing. That asshole made them fight us just like he made Margarita work.” Jessup sighed as he sloughed off the last few remnants of werewolf.
“Bitch lets him bust a nut in her and suddenly he starts getting all noble.” Digger grumbled. “Fine…I’ll let this one slide. I won’t seek revenge.” Digger sounded sad and dejected by the prospect of not getting to have his revenge. “So what now?”
Jessup shrugged, “Helicopters are pounding the shit out of this place. I say we find a ride and get the fuck out of Dodge. At least we should get far enough away that we don’t have to worry about getting shot.”
Digger’s ears perked up with excitement, “Texas!”
Jessup smiled and nodded, “Yeah…we can head to Texas.”
“Revenge!” Digger screamed as he ran out the cathedral. “Hurry up Jessup! Let’s get the fuck out of here!”
“What? No asshole?” Jessup asked as he walked out the door.
“Consider it a promotion.” Digger answered.
***
“Mr. President. Reports are coming in that the soldiers are meeting heavy resistance.” Denis said.
Barry and his cabinet listened in frustration as the facts came in. At first it all sounded good, but as more and more helicopters went down the news got worse. Then when the reports came in that bullets only killed some of the enemy combatants the cabinet became quiet. “What are we going to do now?” Barry asked.
Joseph looked at the president. He no longer was in character to appeal to teens and urban men in their twenties. Being slapped around had cleared his head a bit. “Mr. President, we should use nukes.”
“Nukes? We can’t do that?” Barry said.
“We have to. If that continues to spread this entire country will be overrun. We have to get them now. We can still go with our plan to blame Cuba, but you’ll have to authorize an immediate nuclear strike on Cuba as well. It’s the only way to cover our tracks.” Joseph responded.
“I don’t want to kill a bunch of Americans. I didn’t fight this hard to get into office just to go fucking it up.” Barry groaned.
“Mr. President. The mark of a good president is being willing to make the hard decisions, and I believe you have the makings of being one of our best presidents ever. You just have to be willing to do what’s necessary. This is necessary.” Joseph was serious. He looked the other man in the eyes and said, “I believe in you. I wouldn’t have taken those stupid method acting classes that turned me into a complete jerk if I didn’t.”
Barry nodded, “Fine…Denis. How long until we can bomb Louisiana?”
“Nine hours at the earliest. We could do it sooner, but we’ll need to make sure all our cover stories are airtight beforehand. We won’t get a second chance to make this seem like a terrorist attack.” Denis said stiffly. He didn’t like the idea, but then again he didn’t have to. He just had to follow orders.
Barry looked back at Joseph, “So how many nukes is it going to take?”
Joseph looked at the secretary of defense, “Pull up project Confederacy Two.”
The secretary of defense pulled up the file on his laptop, “Strategically we could take the infected area using six well placed nuclear devices. We’re looking at nuking New Orleans obviously. Then we’d also have to simultaneously nuke Lake Charles, Lafayette, Baton Rouge, Hammond, Covington, and Houma. If they are all detonated simultaneously then it should remove everything south of Opelousas.”
“Confederacy Two?” Barry asked.
Joseph smiled, “In the event a state attempted to secede or fell under the control of hostiles, then the military wanted a computer program that would help them decide on how to appropriately neutralize an area.”
Barry nodded, “Damn shame it had to happen in a state that voted for me, but make it so gentlemen.”
Denis started getting everything together. Strike runs were planned for the locations in Louisiana, and then “counterattacks” were planned against Cuba. If that wasn’t enough they had to plan various “accidents” so that the pilots dropping the bombs wouldn’t be able to ever tell their stories to the press.
Near the end one of the cabinet asked, “What about the soldiers? If we pull them out before we bomb the place it’ll look like we already knew it was about to happen.”
“Well…there’s only one solution.” Barry said with an eerie calm. “Fuck ‘em.”
***
Lula Mae sobbed as she leaned over Damien. “Damien sweetie…please get up. Talk to me!”
Damien sat there as the last bit of brain and heart finally drained out through Danior’s head and into his mouth. Damien was frustrated. Why the girl couldn’t figure out he needed his chair to speak was just mind boggling, and the fact she couldn’t figure out that he couldn’t move…did she just think he was sitting in the wheelchair because he was lazy?
“Damien! Damien! Please…just tell me what to do?” Lula Mae’s tears fell on Damien’s face.
“Pick me up you stupid bitch!” Damien thought to himself. He was surprised when Lula Mae’s eyes glazed over and she lifted him up. “Now put me in my chair.” Damien thought, and was again surprised when the nine year old girl did just as he commanded. For the next few moments he gave commands to her to adjust his wheelchair and Damien “That is much better.” He said before blowing into his tube to drive forward. Unfortunately the chair was broken. No matter how much he blew on it, the chair wouldn’t move. “Can you push me please.” Damien asked. He didn’t want to just order the young girl around. She wasn’t a bad kid, just a little off.
Lula Mae was so happy to hear Damien’s “voice” that she started dancing around the room. She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Lula and Damien sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Damien thought about making her stop it but then decided to let her have her fun. As long as she didn’t try anything then it didn’t hurt anything. Sure it annoyed the crap out of him, but he could tolerate it for a while. He waited patiently for her to calm down, and then she started pushing him out the door. “What are we going to do Damien?” She asked nervously.
“That one guy had the right idea. We need to get out of here before those soldiers start really messing us up.”
“What about the others?” Lula Mae asked.
Damien thought about it, then out of curiosity he pushed his will out to the others. “Stop!” and they did just that. Everywhere around the city the zombie werewolves just froze in place waiting. Even Lula Mae just froze. “You can move again.” He thought, and they started back up.
“That was weird. Did you do that?” Lula Mae asked. “I can hear you in my head. I thought I was just imagining it earlier, but it is you isn’t it?”
“Yes. It was me.” Damien answered.
“So you could lead us all out of here?”
“No. If I do that the military will follow. We are going to have to leave them all behind. We should try to catch up with that guy. Maybe he could give us a ride out of here.” Damien said.
Lula Mae didn’t like it, but she nodded and ran off to try and find Jessup. A few minutes later Jessup rolled up in a pickup. “Need a lift?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Damien answered.
Jessup and Lula Mae set Damien in the back of the pickup. They braced the wheels as best they good. “So you’re the new big badass werewolf leader?” Jessup asked.
“It looks that way.” Damien said.
“Try to keep this crazy shit to a minimum at least for a couple of months, and don’t mistreat your people…or me and Digger here are gonna get your ass.” Jessup said with a smile.
“That works for me.” Damien responded.
Jessup and Lula Mae got into the truck. Digger climbed up in Lula Mae’s lap to watch out the window as Jessup drove off. “Don’t think this makes us friends girl asshole! I’ll still tear that ass up if you get out of line!”
“Digger…you know she can’t hear you.” Jessup said.
“Yeah well. I stand by what I…oh that’s so good. I missed this so much.” Digger’s voice suddenly sounded happy and dreamy as Lula Mae started scratching him behind the ears.
“Oh so that’s the secret. You’ll forgive damn near anything for a scratch behind the ears.” Jessup laughed.
“Shut up fucker! You just overthrew a werewolf pack leader because some Mexican chick let you stick your dick in her for forty seconds. Don’t think I didn’t hear that in the bathroom. Mr. Three pump chump!” Digger teased.
“Oh shut up you little armored weasel.” Jessup laughed and started scratching Digger behind the ears along with Lula Mae.
“Fuck the two of youuuuuuuuuuuu-oh god this is so goooooooooooood.”
***
Jimbo limped into the zoo. Most of his injuries had healed by the time he slipped over the fence. He moved towards the petting zoo area in search of Snowflake the albino deer. Jimbo hopped into the petting zoo area, and all the other animal instinctively ran to the far side of the pen. “Snowflake?” Jimbo asked nervously. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve been waiting.”
Jimbo heard the voice in his head. It was deep and manly. “Snowflake? Was that you? Where are you?”
“It’s me…come into the barn.”
Again Jimbo heard the deep bass in his head. All he could think of was how beautiful the albino deer looked, and immediately he began fantasizing about making love to Snowflake while the deer sang soulful love songs. He ran into the barn. It was too dark to see, but then Jimbo flicked the light switch on the wall. “Snowflake!”
What stood in front of him wasn’t the beautiful young male deer he’d lost his heart to earlier. Snowflake had changed. He was bigger, furrier, and had grown both fangs and antlers. The antlers were broad and nearly scraped the ceiling when he moved. “I’ve been waiting for you motherfucker!”
Jimbo screamed and tried to run out the barn door, but Snowflake charged and impaled the man on his antlers. Snowlflake then slammed him into the wall, and they both burst through the wood and ran out into the petting zoo pen. Jimbo hung off the antlers. His bones were broken and his body twisted. Snowflake shook his head, and Jimbo slipped off the horns and landed with a thud. “No!” Jimbo screamed as he tried to crawl out of the pen.
“You’re my little piggy now!” Snowflake’s voice taunted the man as the deer started trying to mount the man. For the next few hours only three things could be heard in the zoo. The first was the sound of an albino zombie weredeer making violent and angry love to the broken and bleeding man, the second sound was the man begging and pleading for the deer to stop in between his screams of agony, and the third was one chicken sitting in the corner clucking as he laughed his still painfully sore ass off.
***
Dawn came, and Nova Starr drove through the city. There was still gunfire everywhere, but she couldn’t just stay in her house waiting for the zombies to try and break in. Sure it was fun. They come to the door and knock, and then she answers by giving them a face full of buckshot, but she needed her morning coffee and without milk it just wasn’t the same. So she drove to the nearest gas station, and walked past the three dead cashiers to get some moo juice. Then on the way back she saw him.
At first she though he was just some hallucination brought on by the combination of lack of sleep and lack of coffee, but then she realized it really was him. Her favorite actor. Mr. Sexy himself was standing on top of a sports car screaming desperately for help that he was sure would never come. Zombies had him surrounded in and were trying to pull him off the car. In her eagerness she nearly whipped her truck into his sports car. Instead she slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop beside him. In the process her truck crushed six of the zombies trying to eat the man. “Oh my God! Your…YOU!” She screamed a fan girl scream that she didn’t realize she even possessed. Just being this close to the man had her almost ready to hyperventilate. She watched his show every week almost religiously. She had all hundreds maybe even thousands of pictures of the man on her Facebook page. She belonged to eight different fan clubs of his, and now she was less than ten feet away.
The man turned his rugged good looks towards her and smiled, “Yep, been me since the day I was born. I thought I was that other guy once, but no…I’m me.”
“Need a ride?” Nova asked nervously as she kept reminding herself not to just scream “Take me now you stud!”
The man that had been in more of her fantasies that she’d ever admit to leaped into the bed of her truck, then sprang like a sexy jungle cat to the ground. He slipped inside to the passenger seat and said, “Thank you. I don’t suppose you know somewhere safe to get away from these…things?”
Nova Starr smiled, “I might know somewhere.”
They made it back to Nova’s house, and scrambled inside. Zombies were already closing in from all sides. “Get inside!” Nova screamed.
The man ran inside, and Nova slammed the door behind them both. “I can’t believe you’re in my home.”
“Me either. It must be destiny.” The man said with a charming smile that practically made Nova’s panties melt.
“So what happens if the zombies get in?” He said nervously.
“We go to my panic room.” Nova said. Just then the zombies began pounding on her front door. It began splintering and giving way under the impact. Nova screamed, “To the panic room.”
He followed the woman down the hallway, to her bedroom and watched as she ducked into a closet. He laughed, “You know…usually I have to take a woman to dinner first before I see her bedroom.”
Nova froze and gave a girlish squeal before whispering under her breath, “I can’t believe he’s in my bedroom. Must resist urge to duct tape him to the bed. Must resist urge to duct tape him to the bed.”
“Why do you call that a panic room?” He asked.
“Come in and see.” Nova responded.
He walked inside and gasped. It was actually the size of a small bedroom. All the walls were covered in guns. “I still don’t see why you’d call it a panic room.”
“If you piss me off, and I walk in here…you better start panicking.” Nova laughed.
He’d never met a woman like this before. She was pretty, and had a take charge attitude he just wasn’t used to. He couldn’t help himself. She was a woman with a little extra curve to her, and he liked it. He liked it a lot. “So…is there a Mr. I have enough guns to take over a small country?” He asked.
“Nope. I’m still single.” Nova said as she grabbed two nine millimeters off the wall and started walking back to the front door.
“Damn she’s hot.” He said under his breath, but he wasn’t as careful as he should have been because Nova heard him and blushed.
“You think I’m pretty?” She asked nervously.
“I think you’re possibly the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He said.
“But I’m…” Nova didn’t finish the sentence. She just gestured at herself.
“I like bigger girls, and I like women that know what they want, and it may be the zombies outside ready to eat us, but right now I can’t think of anything sexier than a take charge woman with guns.” He said.
Nova smiled as a tear ran down her face. The man thought she was sexy. Well go big or go home as her father used to say. She wrapped her arms around the man and kissed him. There was nothing tender about it. It was raw, animalistic need, and he loved it. When she pulled back she looked into his eyes nervously for any sign of rejection, but there was none. Instead he grabbed her and kissed her back.
The front door was knocked off its hinges, and Callie Hix shambled inside. Nova was reluctant to let go of the man, but she had to turn around to deal with the zombie horde now marching into her living room. The man wrapped his arms around her, “God your hair smells good.” She felt him pull her back into his chest. His hardness began pressing against her lower back. She couldn’t help but get turned on as his hands slid up and down her body. “Is that a naked tranny?” He asked. “I swear to God I never once thought I’d be killed by a transsexual zombie. God help me if TMZ hears of this.”
“We aren’t dead yet. Now get your sexy ass back into the panic room.” Nova ordered.
“Yes ma’am.” He said before giving her butt a playful swat.
Callie Hix marched towards the woman. She couldn’t figure out how she was going to eat the woman with the PVC pipe still blocking her throat, but she’d figure out those minor details later. She’d tried to pull the pipe out, but it was just stuck. She even tried to get a few of the other zombies to pull it out for her. They couldn’t figure out how to get to it without breaking her jaw, and none of them could reach it in her butt. She moved closer, and Nova pulled the trigger. The top half of Callie’s head was blown clean off, and she fell backwards. When she landed the little gerbil scurried out from the pipe and ran off. After the last few hours the novelty of riding around inside a zombie had worn off. Now he just wanted to go find something to eat.
Nova fired a few more rounds and took down three more zombies. “Go get ‘em babe!” He screamed out from the panic room door. Nova backed her way to the doorway shooting at the zombies. When she got inside the panic room she stopped for a second and kissed the man leering at her like a horny thirteen year old. “Damn that was sexy.”
“Oh you want sexy huh…well how’s this for sexy.” Nova pushed the man against the far wall and then set her guns to the side for a moment. She reached down and unzipped his pants and pulled out his long, thick penis. “Oh my God it’s even bigger than I imagined.”
He laughed nervously, “Um should we be doing this? Hungry zombies are coming through that door any second.”
“Yes, and they probably will overrun us and kill us both. I’m not saying that to upset you, but the way I see it. I can A) get killed shooting zombies, OR I can B) get killed shooting zombies AND fucking your brains out. Which would you prefer?” Nova asked.
“B please.” He said with a lusty grin. Just then a zombie stepped through the door. “Oh fuck! Kill it! Kill it!”
Nova grabbed her guns and spun around. She pulled the trigger and splattered the zombies brains all over the wall. More zombies started trying to come through the door, and Nova started firing. “Gonna be busy for a moment. Can you lift my skirt up and get my panties off?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” He answered as he lifted her skirt up and started pulling down panties. “Oh this is so wrong…but so damn hot.”
Nova kept firing. Brains and blood painted her bedroom wall. She bit her lip as she felt him press his thick cock against her already wet entrance. She tried to stay focused, but she just shot wildly at the zombies trying to enter the doorway as she felt him fill her in a way no other man ever had. When he finally buried himself to the hilt she was able to refocus. Some of the zombies were almost on top of her by then. She took aim and fired. They fell in a pile in front of her. Nova kept putting the zombies down as he found his rhythm inside her. Each thrust made her gasp. He grabbed her hips and started grinding himself into her. Nova moaned, and her vision actually blurred for a moment. He felt so good inside her that she nearly started to cry.
“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.” He said.
Nova laughed as she put three more zombies down, “Oh believe it. Now get against that wall big man.” It’s time Mamma got hers.”
“Yes Ma’am!” He said excitedly as he leaned against the wall.
Nova stepped forward and felt a little sad when she felt him slip out. She wanted to feel him like that forever, but it was only momentary. She turned back towards him. He was slightly squatting against the wall so she could straddle him. Nova put one leg on each side and he drove himself up inside her in one long luxurious thrust. “Oh fuck yeah!”
Another zombie tried to enter, and Nova leaned back. Her whole world was upside down as she felt him pumping himself into her again. She took aim, and even though her whole body was undulating, her bullet still found the mark. More zombies came in and she kept shooting them. The pile was rising as she got closer to her orgasm. She had a pile of empty magazines laying beside her almost a foot high from all the zombie killing. Her hips bucked and pumped to get the most out of each of his powerful thrusts. Finally she was getting close, “Baby…you’re gonna have to take over for a moment. I’m about to cum.” Her breath was ragged. She was straining to fight off the orgasm as long as possible so that he could reach two of the guns on the wall beside him. He took the guns and carefully aimed. Nova dropped her two guns and wrapped her arms around the man. She pumped herself against him as hard and fast as she could. He started firing, and her orgasm rolled through her. She screamed, a cried, and shook as he kept pounding into her. Then she begged him for more. “Oh gawd! I love it…and I love you!” She sobbed as another orgasm ripped through her. She kissed him on the cheek, but was careful not to block his vision.
“I can’t hold out much longer.” He groaned as he dropped both guns, stood up with her legs wrapped around him, and then slammed her back into the wall. He started lunging himself into her as fast as he could. Nova snatched the last two guns off the wall within arm’s length and started firing at the zombies trying to climb over the pile in the doorway.
He kept pumping his hips like a piston, and she loved the way he filled her. She felt him begin to shudder, and then she felt him spilling himself inside her. She tightened her legs around him to keep him as deep as he could be. “I love you.” He gasped as he finished spurting in her.
When he finished, he slipped out and grinned. “You were amazing.” He leaned in and kissed her. It was passionate, and he lingered.
Nova blushed, “I can’t believe we just did that. I hope you know I’m not the kind of girl that just sleeps with everybody.”
“God I hope not. I’m hoping you’ll be the kind of girl that just sleeps with me.” He smiled. “Of course we’re going to have to make a change. I can’t stay down here. I have a television show to do. How do you feel about moving in with me?”
“Wow…it’s so sudden.” Nova gasped. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I believe in going with my gut feeling, and my gut says we’ll be together until the day we die.” He smiled a reassuring smile. “So how do we get out of here?”
Nova grinned, “I got this.” She walked over and grabbed a chainsaw. She pulled the chord and it roared to life. Nova stuck the saw against the wall and cut them both an exit. “After you sir.” She smiled and gave a playful curtsy.
He bent over and picked up her panties. “Madam…I believe you dropped this.” He smiled and handed them to her.
“I don’t think I’ll be needing those anytime soon. I plan on making good use of you as often as possible. Now could you be a gentleman and kick the part of the wall I cut out.” Nova smiled.
He drove his leg forward and the wall fell over. “Wow…that felt…manly.” He laughed.
“Well…your manly is still hanging out of your zipper.” Nova said with a giggle. She walked over and grabbed his limp penis and gently put him back in his pants. “Don’t want that to get away…I have plans.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Nefarious plans?”
“Kinky nefarious plans.” Nova answered and then kissed the man.
They walked out through the hole in the wall and started moving towards the truck when there was a flash of light.
*Boom*
Nova watched in the distance as the first mushroom cloud rose up over the French Quarter. Several more blinding flashes of light happened in quick succession followed by mushroom clouds rising up from all directions. “It figures. I finally find a guy that loves me for me, can rock my socks off, and is as close to Prince Charming as you can get, and the whole damn world ends.”
He pulled her close. They could see the hot nuclear wind tearing up the street towards them. He leaned in and said, “I love you.” He planted one last toe-curling kiss on her before the wind and heat enveloped them. Her last thought before the heat flash fried her and turned her to a pile of ash was that it was totally worth it.
“The explosion took out the entire lower half of Louisiana. The news agencies ate up the story that Cuba had just staged a terrorist attack on America. It was the lead story for a month, and had the highest ratings since 9-11. Jessup, Digger, Lula Mae, and Damien made it out of the blast zone before the explosion. The truck broke down in Mamou. Jessup and Digger still wanted to go to Texas, but Lula Mae and Damien wanted to try and find someone to fix his wheelchair. They were still discussing whether Jessup and Digger would wait on them when they saw the flashes. They watched as everything south of them was reduced to ash and glass in the blink of an eye. Jessup and Digger decided that the explosion would draw too much attention to the area so they walked off towards Texas. Meanwhile Lula Mae and Damien wandered around in search of a man that could make repairs, and that’s the end.” Gary said with a smile.
“But what about Janet stuck in the truck in Texas at the Guadalupe river?” Ashley asked.
“That’s really a story for another time.” Gary said. “It’s getting late, and these kids need to get some sleep. I hope you all enjoyed it.”
Most of the kids that were still awake nodded. Some of the others were already asleep. Gary smiled, “Well alright then. I’m glad you liked it. I always love an appreciative audience. You kids get you some shuteye. Boy?”
“Yes Daddy?” John said with a vacant smile.
“You keep an eye on them. Make sure to take good care of them all. Me and Ashley are going to go stretch our legs for a few.” Gary ordered.
“Okay…I take the good care of them.” John said as he kept staring into the fire.
Gary took Ashley’s hand and walked her off into the dark. They laughed and chatted for a bit before he leaned in and kissed her. Ashley knew they couldn’t stay gone long, and so she didn’t want to waste any more time than they already had. She pulled her shirt off in one smooth motion and exposed two gorgeous breasts. Gary leaned in and kissed them both and then started teasing the nipples through the fabric until they were painfully hard. She felt a thrill run through her when he started unhooking her bra, and gasped when he started kissing her breasts again.
She wanted the man, and was impatient to have him. Ashley pulled his pants down and then kneeled down to take him into her mouth. It didn’t take long before he was stiff and ready for her. It only took them a few seconds to slip off the rest of their clothes. Then Ashley whimpered with arousal when he put her on her hands and knees and started teasing her entrance with two fingers. “Got to make sure you’re ready. I want you to remember this for the rest of your life.”
“I can’t wait anymore. Put it in me…please.” She begged.
Gary grunted as he pushed himself into her. Ashley was tight, but sopping wet. He slid in and out, grunting with pleasure at each thrust. Meanwhile Ashley was clawing at the ground and howling like a cat in heat. The man was just amazing. He knew how to move and position himself just right so that he didn’t just slide in and out. He actually churned through her. She came again and again until she couldn’t take anymore. Her body was exhausted, but he kept moving. As if sensing her fatigue, he grabbed both of her arms and pulled her up and back a bit until she was just on her knees looking straight up at the moon howling through another orgasm.
He picked up speed a little. “Gonna finish soon.” He grunted.
Ashley’s breasts bounced as he drove up into her with every thrust. Gary let go of her arms, and instead wrapped one around her chest…cupping one of her breasts, and he took his other arm and wrapped it around her shoulder and caressed her face with the back of his hand. “Oh my gawd! You’re amazing! You’re the best ever!” She howled while her body clenched and spasmed through one more massive orgasm. Then she heard the screams. At first she thought it might just be an echo of her own voice, but then she realized they were the campers. “What’s that?”
“Nothing important. It’s just my boy setting those kids on fire. He likes to watch them twitch.” Gary said calmly.
“Wha-“ Ashley started to speak when the man’s hand clenched her lower jaw and in one powerful motion he snapped her neck and twisted her head around so that she could face him.
“I like to watch them twitch myself.” Gary said as he kept pumping in and out of the woman’s body. Ashley’s eyes went dull as her body jerked and clenched in death spasms. The clenching and wild shuddering drove the man over the edge, and he came inside her with a satisfied groan. “Best damn birth control you can get.” He laughed as he let her nude body flop to the ground.
“You done Daddy?” John asked as he came skipping through the woods.
“Yeah. Now can you stop that retarded shit? It creeps me the fuck out.” Gary ordered.
“Oh come on…you know it’s funny as hell.” John said with a smile. “And these fuckers just eat this shit up.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to do it all the damn time.”
John shrugged, “I gotta keep practicing.”
“Boy…I watched you grow up. I seen a lot of the stupid shit you done over the years. Trust me…you don’t need the practice.”
“Well everything I learned. I learned from watching you. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree you know.”
Gary growled, “Smartass.” Then he started putting on his clothes. He zipped up his pants and started walking off towards where they’d left the car.
His son walked up beside him with a satisfied grin, “So where to now?”
“Wherever the wind takes us boy…wherever the wind takes us.”
John laughed, “I’ve been around your wind before…and it’s a pretty fucking terrible place to be. Like trying to eat a skunk’s ass while living inside a dead whale carcass.”
“I call that flavor.” Gary laughed. “Now move your ass. I’m hungry.
“You’re always hungry.”
“Telling those stories works up an appetite.”
John shook his head, “I think you always fucking the girls is what gets you hungry. I still say that’s bullshit by the way. Why do you get to always fuck the hot girl before you kill her? Next time I get to fuck the girl and you get to be retarded.”
“What if it’s a guy?” Gary asked.
“I’m not fucking a dude. What? You expect me to bang some guy while you kill all the others. Screw that.”
“They’re all pink on the inside.” Gary chuckled.
“You’re a sick man Dad.” John said.
Gary shrugged, “Like father like son.”