The rest of the week crawled by at a snail’s pace. It had gotten to the point where Lucy had called Rudy and asked him to arrange for another nurse to care for Alec. He was barely speaking to her anyway, and she decided that if she wanted to make it past her first trimester, she had better leave before she lost what self-respect she had left.

              Alec’s behavior had grown increasingly erratic and quite frankly, Lucy was more than a little concerned. He stayed up all night working on his laptop and slept all day. While he allowed her to wash his hair, he still hadn’t allowed her to give him a bath, so Lucy had simply left the wipes in his room and allowed him to wash himself. If the amount of laundry was any indication, the half-hearted attempts at grooming were reasonably successful. But the other thing that had gotten her to reconsider heading for the hills was what happened the other night.

              The morning sickness had started early and continued throughout the day. Alec tried unsuccessfully to apologize for his behavior earlier in the week, but Lucy still feeling hurt and sick, had rebuffed him. Needless to say, Alec had not taken it well and had decided to give her the silent treatment all week, only speaking to her when he needed something or help getting into bed. If that was how he wanted to play the game, then Lucy was in no mood to play along.

              She was merely counting the days until his cast would be removed and she could live again. But there had been a pressing matter that she had to attend to---a job. After this stint with Alec, Lucy would need to find employment elsewhere and fast. She had decided early on that she would keep the baby and leave Los Angeles. That den of inequity was no place to raise a child.

              So needing to job hunt on the Internet, she’d gone to the local library and had mild success. The small library’s Internet arsenal was at least five years behind the rest of California, and the connections were limited at best. Waiting ten minutes for her resume to upload wasn’t a luxury she could afford.

              Lucy’s old laptop had died a slow horrendous death years ago, and she’d never gotten around to saving up for one when she was still paying off her student loans. So she’d gotten the brilliant idea to use Alec’s. Even if things were a bit icy between them, she would ask nicely...

              Oh, she’d asked nicely. More like begged shamelessly and was immediately shot down by a clearly still pissed off Alec. But Lucy wasn’t about to let that stop her. She’d given him his sedative and waited till he’d fallen asleep before absconding with his treasured laptop.

              There, in the safety of her room and feeling like a criminal Rudy should be tossing in jail, she’d plugged in the machine and marveled at the wonders of wireless internet. Lucy researched and uploaded her resume to several sites before she found a job to her liking. A small hospital in Astoria, Oregon was looking for nurses, and the position of floor nurse in the ICU fit the bill perfectly.              

              Of course, she’d have to find a house or apartment but she’d cross that bridge when she got there.

              Lucy sat back feeling a little relieved and brewed some tea. As she sipped and nibbled on saltine crackers, she decided to catch up on world events. She clicked on the usual fare of gutless politicians, the scandal of the week, and in spite of herself, some celebrity gossip. She sorely wished she hadn’t. There, for entire world to feed on, were the salacious details of Vivian and Dean. Page after page of mindless blathering of how they met, the marathon sex session that brought them together, how Lucy found them in her bed, etc.

              She clicked onto another story in disgust and cleared the browser history. Sighing, she decided to watch a movie and typed a title into the search box. To her horror, the search engine automatically completed the word for her and several hardcore porn sites popped up in all their X-rated glory. Lucy clicked in panic, trying to rid the screen of the filth but the browser seemed hell bent on loading one site in particular.

              She had nothing against a person’s sexual predilections as she was in no position to judge how someone got off, but to her fragile state of mind it was too much. Swearing under her breath, she tried to click her way out of the miasma of fornication but something caught her eye. There was a theme attached to some of the sites---mostly your garden variety BDSM---the sort of thing usually found in nightmares or in movies by the name of Hellraiser and Saw.

              Lucy could find no other explanation for it unless the information had been deliberately sought out. Feeling suddenly ill, she quit and restarted the browser, hoping it would erase any evidence of her accidental foray into Alec’s personal life. She quickly replaced the laptop where she found it and checked on Alec. He still slept like a baby.               Thank god for Lorazepam!

              She took a long bath and put on a nightgown. As she combed the tangles out of her hair, she couldn’t help but wonder what sort of emptiness drove Alec to those sites. What was he looking for?

              Lucy couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, as it seemed he had no real direction in life. Perhaps the trial had broken something inside him. Rudy had often told her about the poor hapless jurors who struggled to get back to their mundane lives after sifting through graphic crimes scene photos and even more graphic testimony. He told her sometimes they were so shattered by their experience that some suffered from a form of PTSD.

              If perusing porn sites were Alec’s way of coping, Lucy wouldn’t condemn him for it. She knew better than anyone about that kind of coping. She glanced down at the thin scars over her wrists. She’d tried to cope after her mother’s suicide and failed miserably. Over the years she’d found better ways to deal with the pain, but none ever really stopped the ache that had set up housekeeping in her heart. Sighing she turned off the lamp, pulled the quilt over her head, and tried to get some much needed sleep.

                                                                     

 

              Her eyes fluttered open in the darkness, not knowing what awakened her. The room was cold and damp with the sea air that crept in through a cracked window, and the lacy curtains fluttered eerily with the breeze. Shivering, Lucy rose and shut the window. Hugging herself, she peered out into the darkness and caught the faint gleam of a lighthouse; its distant eye sparkling across the treacherous water like a lone diamond against a black sheet.

              She turned around and suddenly there was Alec watching her. A startled shriek tore itself from her throat. When she recovered what lives she had left, she let him have it. “Would you stop doing that?”

              “Sorry,” he muttered ruefully, his eyes roving over the thin nightgown that was transparent in the dimly lit room.  “I couldn’t sleep anymore.”

              Lucy crossed her arms protectively over her chest. Why did she have to choose the gauze nightgown? She should have worn the flannel set Rudy got her for Christmas. At least you couldn’t see London and France. Embarrassed, she snatched her robe and held it in front of her like a shield. “D-Did you need anything?” she croaked, her heart nervously flinging itself about in her chest.

              “No,” he replied, his deep voice sounding strained. “I heard you up and wanted to see if you were okay.”

              “I was cold,” she sighed and started to straighten her bedding. She glanced up, her eyes straining to see him in the light from the hallway. “Are you in pain? I could fix some tea.”

              “No, thank you,” he replied smoothly.

              He was still staring at her and it was making her uncomfortable. “I-I’m fine now,” she told him in a trembling voice, not knowing why she was feeling out of sorts. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

              “Oh, I’m swell,” he said irritably, as he started to wheel himself out of her room. “I am just dandy!”

              “Alec...?”

              He turned suddenly. “Were you in my room earlier?”

              “W-What?” she stammered, caught off guard by his question. Had he seen her? “I just checked in on you---why?”

              “Oh, nothing!” he growled as he entered the hallway. He hesitated for a minute then wheeled himself the rest of the way to his room, fulminating against nosy women. Just as Lucy started after him he gave her a look that would have shriveled wallpaper and shut the door with a resounding SLAM!

              Lucy was so startled she nearly jumped out of her skin. Her legs shook as she crawled back into bed. He had seen her and what’s more she had invaded his privacy. That was something no nurse should ever do. In fact, it was downright unforgivable. She fully expected Alec to rain divine retribution down upon her sorry head, but she’d already decided to beat him to the punch.

              Now she understood. The nurses hadn’t been the problem. It was Alec.              

              She’d call Rudy in the morning and have him arrange for a replacement. As her head settled into her pillow, she realized she should just admit to using the laptop. After all, it was for a noble cause...wasn’t it? She’d been job hunting and it wasn’t her fault she’d stumbled upon his nocturnal activities. If that was what he wanted to do with his life, then who was she to stop him?

              She was so damned tired of taking care of everyone else and neglecting herself. She had her own problems. Lucy decided from now on she’d start to put herself and the baby first. Her hand slid down over her still flat belly and promised the little one that she would always do her best. And that was all she or anyone could ever ask of herself.

              Her eyes closed on unshed tears, and for the first time in months, slept without dreaming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Eight

 

             

 

Lucy’s replacement wasn’t due until Monday morning, so she busied herself with the usual chores of cooking and cleaning and caring for a patient who was in for a rude awakening. Rudy had been hesitant at first but then had literally chewed her out over shucking her obligation. But Lucy had had enough.

              She was no caregiver. Not in the classic sense anyway. When she’d first gone into nursing, she’d come to the horrifying realization that certain people were made to be nurses, and she wasn’t one of them. Her guidance counselor had assured her that once she was in the thick of things that it would come just as naturally as breathing.

              So she’d continued with the course at the local university. Though it was advertised as four years, Lucy had had to wait a whole year and a half before she made the acceptance list. During that time she supported herself through several menial jobs, none of them paying enough to stay, just enough to put aside for textbooks and supplies. Rudy had helped with the rent by allowing her to stay in the guesthouse with the proviso that she complete her education.

              When she finally enrolled, Lucy had gotten quite the sticker shock as everything from scrubs to lab materials cost twice what she’d allotted for school. She’d had too much pride to go running to Rudy yet again, so against her better judgment had taken out the loan. It was the biggest mistake of her life---well that and getting pregnant by some stranger she’d just met.

              After all the blood, sweat, and tears. After the all night study sessions, and after all the grueling clinicals, Lucy had decided she didn’t want to be a nurse. She’d only chosen the vocation out of expediency, and the money had already been spent. When she finally graduated, she’d gotten a job as a scrub nurse. The hours had been long, but the stress levels were tolerable. Eventually, she made it to the emergency room where she met Dean. What it all came down to was that nursing was a job--- whether or not it was a calling was moot.

              The long weekend passed uneventfully much to Lucy’s relief, who spent Sunday night packing her meager belongings. Alec didn’t suspect a thing. She felt a little guilty at abandoning him, but when she’d taken in his dinner he was still in a bit of a snit the way he’d glowered at her. So he knew she’d pilfered his laptop and probably wouldn’t forgive the invasion of his privacy. Oh, she’d tried to apologize but Alec wasn’t having any of it. He’d just sat there, unmoving and unfeeling, still looking as if the whole world weighed upon his sturdy shoulders.

              Lucy had beaten a hasty retreat and began packing, too tired to deal with a man who wouldn’t let anyone in. It was too exhausting, and she had other things to worry about. She sighed wearily as she began cleaning the room for her replacement. Rudy hadn’t told her much about them, but she had highly recommended it not be a woman. For some reason, Alec just didn’t seem to get on well with members of the opposite sex.

              She finished packing, showered, and went to bed trying not to think about Alec.

 

              Monday loomed with another vicious bout of morning sickness. Lucy barely made it in time. Hunched over the toilet, she decided the first thing she was going to when she got to L.A. was to see a doctor.

              “Lucy!” Alec’s voice thundered through the door, making her jump. “Are you all right?”

              Shuddering with the last of the spasms, she called out, “I’ll be out in a sec!”

              “Dammit! I thought I heard you puking!”

              Lucy splashed cold water on her face and quickly put on jeans and a sweatshirt. She winced as she brushed the tangles out of her hair and put it up into a sloppy bun. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to face the music. “And good morning to you, too!” she greeted him with false cheer. “I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

              She brushed past him and hurried to her room with Alec in tow. “Hell and damnation, woman!” he swore as he wheeled past her and blocked the door. “You’re testing my patience!”

              “For God’s sake Alec, get out of my way!”

              “Not until you tell me what’s going on!” he demanded angrily, his handsome face taut with barely concealed rage. “You’ve been sick every morning for the past two weeks!”

              Lucy stood rooted to the floor. “I d-don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said shakily.

              His splendid chin raised in a challenge. “I think you do.”

              “And what’s it to you?” she retorted. “It’s none of your damned business!”

              “Like hell it’s not!” he nearly shouted, gripping the armrests so tightly that his knuckles showed white. “Might I remind you that you work for me?”

              “Is that so?” Lucy was so angry she wanted to smack him. How dare he speak to her like she was some backwater servant? “Not anymore, I don’t!” she spat and watched his face soften in confusion.

              “What’s that supposed to mean?”

              Lucy didn’t have time to answer as the doorbell rang suddenly. “Would you excuse me?”

              She quickly darted past him and hurried to the door. She flung it open in relief. Lucy had never been so glad to see anyone in her entire life. There, on the front porch stood six- foot- six of hulking black male and more than adequate to deal with a troublesome patient such as Alec.

              He shot out a huge paw in greeting and said in smooth deep voice dripping with a bit of Creole. “Good morning, I’m Mr. Fontainebleau.”

              Lucy took his hand, wincing a little as the fragile bones were squeezed gently. “How do you do?” she smiled and urged him inside. “Would you like anything, Mr. Fontainebleau?”

              He dropped his duffle bag onto the floor with a loud PLOP!  “No, thank you,” he replied, grinning from ear to ear as he took in his surroundings. “Well, this is quaint!”

              “It is, isn’t it?” Lucy laughed. “I’m so glad to see you!

              He eyed her closely. “That bad, huh?”

              She smiled ruefully. “It could be better.”

              He nodded, commiserating. “I hear you.” His black eyes inspected the tidy living room and spotless kitchen. “You cleaned!” he accused with a toothy smile. “Thanks!”

              “You’re welcome!” she laughed and turned to find Alec watching them in bemused curiosity.

              “Lucy...?”

              She took a deep breath and rushed the introductions. “Alec, this is Mr. Fontainebleau. Mr. Fontainebleau, this is Alec Barrington.” She backed away slightly as the two men sized each other up. “Your new... patient,” she added breathlessly as Alec’s startled gaze met hers and she fled like a coward to get her suitcase.

              “How do you do?” she heard Mr. Fontainebleau’s gruff voice saying.

              Lucy gathered her small suitcase and overnight bag and with one last look at the room, walked out and pulled Mr. Fontainebleau aside and handed him a list of instructions. “Everything’s written down for you. If you have any problems his doctor’s number is on the fridge.”

              He eyed the missive and gave her a piercing look. “You didn’t give him a bath?”

              She winced. “He wouldn’t let me touch him,” she whispered, closing her eyes in agony. “He practically threatened to flay me alive.”

              “He did, did he?” Mr. Fontainebleau said softly, looking at his new patient with renewed interest. “What excuse did he give?”

              Lucy shook her head. “He said he was in Afghanistan.”

              “Honey, they all have,” he said sadly. “You think that’s all there is to it?”

              “I don’t know,” she sighed loudly, checking her watch. “I better leave if I want to beat traffic.”

              Mr. Fontainebleau nodded and reached for her suitcase. “Oh, you don’t have to--”

              “Let me,” he said, and walked her out. “Tell me everything.”

              Alec sat in mounting horror as the huge man spoke with Lucy. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she was leaving. And he didn’t blame her one bit. He hadn’t meant to push her away but that’s exactly what he’d done. She’d been nothing but sweet, gentle, and utterly beguiling. And what did he do? Lash out in his customary fashion just as they were getting close.                

              He’d frightened her no doubt. He hadn’t meant to but he’d felt such shame. He knew she’d taken the laptop and seen everything. How much she knew, he didn’t know. But it was enough for him to destroy whatever chance he might have had with her.

              Alec raced out to her in blind panic. “Lucy!” he shouted, and stopped short at the porch. There was no ramp. “Lucy!” he shouted again to no avail. He stared sadly as she turned and gave him a wave before getting into her battered little car and driving out of his life. He hung his head in abject misery.

              “There, now,” Mr. Fontainebleau soothed as he wheeled him back into the house. “You’ll see her again.”

              “I don’t think so,” Alec muttered miserably. “I really blew it.”

              “We’ve all been there.”

              “No,” Alec sighed tiredly as his new nurse wheeled him back to his room. “Not like this.”

              Mr. Fontainebleau assessed his new patient and made a quick diagnosis. “You’ve really got it bad haven’t you?”

              Alec frowned in confusion. “I--I beg your pardon?”

              “Nothing!” Mr. Fontainebleau laughed. “Now, how about that bath?”

              “B-Bath...?” Alec stammered in alarm. “What bath?” he repeated, wheeling himself backward as the hulking menace continued to laugh at him. “You’re not touching me!”

              Mr. Fontainebleau crossed his arms over his mountainous chest and said sternly, “Oh, yes I am!”

              Alec shrank back in his seat and had no choice but to allow himself to be bathed like a helpless child. It was times like these when he wished he’d broken more than just his leg. As Fontainebleau dried his hair, he could only hope that Lucy could find it in her heart to forgive him.

             

 

             

 

             

 

             

             

Chapter Nine

 

             

 

Lucy tossed her bags onto the floor and promptly collapsed into bed. The long winding haul down the coast and subsequent traffic had sapped whatever strength she’d had left. She buried her face in the pillow and fell fast into a numbing sleep.

              But soon she was being rudely yanked out of dreamland by a hand tugging on her shoulder. “What?” she groaned, still half asleep. “Leave me alone!”

              “Lucy!” came Rudy’s unmistakable baritone and sounding like a father trying to wake his daughter up on a school day. “Wake up!”

              “No!”

              “You’ve got some explaining to do!” he insisted as he tugged on her sweatshirt.

              She tore the pillow from her head in exasperation and came face to face with an enraged Rudy. “What you want me to do, Ricky? Leave?”

              “No,” he replied calmly, his shrewd gray eyes belying his disappointment. “What happened?”

              “Oh God!” she groaned in frustration. “Can’t I have five minutes to myself?”

              “I don’t think so, kiddo.”

              All Lucy really wanted was some peace and quiet. She was tired of everyone leeching from her and she’d had enough. “He went ape shit on me, okay?” she practically screamed and buried her face into the trusty pillow. Her stomach was beginning to rear its ugly head, and she was brutally reminded of the fact that she didn’t have breakfast.

              “He what---!” Rudy’s incredulous reply nearly made her break out into hysterics.

              She threw the pillow across the room and sat up to face a shocked Rudy. “He went ape shit!” she said slowly so he could understand this simple fact. “Comprende?” Then she rose as calmly as she could and made a mad dash to the bathroom.

              Rudy hurried behind her and stood in the doorway as she discarded the remnants of her dignity into the toilet. He wet a washcloth and knelt down, wiping her pale face. “Will you tell me what’s going on?” he pleaded fearfully, not knowing what to do for her. Having no children of his own he wasn't prepared for this. He sorely needed Tia to be here, but she was off visiting her brother in Puerto Vallarta and wouldn’t be back until next week. “Tell me!”

              Lucy couldn’t look at him she was so ashamed. “I didn’t eat breakfast,” she said shakily and took the washcloth. “You know me and hypoglycemia!”

              He shook his head with a ragged sigh. “No, I don’t know and since when are you hypoglycemic anyway?”

              Lucy reached up and flushed the toilet. “Since now,” she sighed and put the lid down and sat trying not to scream, “I’m Pregnant!” at the top of her lungs. “It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” she told him instead, trying to calm herself as she stared at the Spanish tile, and wondered wildly when Rudy had those installed.             

              “Lulu,” he said quietly.

              “Hmm....?”

              “You’d better get back to bed.”

              Nodding sleepily, she allowed him to walk her back. She tugged off her sneakers and curled up sighing as the fluffy cloud of the feather bed soothed her aching body.               Rudy covered her with the duvet and placed the washcloth on her forehead. “I’ll bring you something to eat, later.”

              “That sounds good,” she sighed.

              “Soup and a sandwich be all right?”

              “Heavenly,” she murmured and drifted off to sleep.

              Rudy closed the door gently and tore off downstairs in a glorious wrath. He poured himself a stiff drink and tried not to indulge the murderous rage he felt at the moment. For the first time in his life, he finally understood what drove men to cold-blooded murder.

              He picked up his phone and dialed. He waited patiently and was about to throw the phone across the room when someone finally picked up. “H-Hello?”

              “Don’t ‘hello’ me you miserable son of a bitch!” Rudy snarled into the phone. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

              “Why don’t you explain it to me?” drawled the familiar voice.              

              “I hope you’re happy!”

              “What the hell are you talking about?”

              “She’s pregnant!” Rudy hissed at him and hung up. He tossed the phone into the wastebasket, ignoring the urgent strains of Beethoven’s “5th Symphony” and poured himself another drink. Before this day was through, he was going to get well and truly hammered. “Here’s to the father,” he jeered and raised his glass in a belated toast. If and when Rudy got a hold of him, he was going to be sorry he was ever born.             

* * *

             

              “Don’t drink that,” he muttered and snatched the glass out of her hand. “I think it’s spiked.”

              “How did---”

              “That fellow over there,” he nodded in the direction of two men who were clearly having a great time judging by their drunken laughter. “He waited till you left for the ladies’ room and slipped some sort of powder into it.”

              “W-Why would he do that?” she sputtered in outrage. “I don’t even know him!”

              He laughed, the smooth deep reverberation washing over every nerve and leaving her slightly breathless. “Have you looked in the mirror, sweetheart?”

              “That’s ridiculous!” she scoffed, feeling slightly embarrassed. “There are plenty of beautiful women here I’m sure would just love to go home with him!”

              He laughed again and ordered her another drink and told the bartender to go easy on the rum. “You look like you don’t drink very often.”

              “I don’t.

              “So what’s the occasion? Here on a ladies’ night out?”

              “Hardly,” she sighed. “I caught my fiancée in bed with my stepmother,” she gulped and took a swig of her rum and coke.

              “You’re not serious...”

              “I am,” she said, choking back tears. “They were going at it like two dogs in heat in my old bedroom!”

              He handed her a handkerchief. ‘There, now,” he soothed.  “He’s not worth it, love.”

              There was a long period of awkward silence as he let her cry. She was grateful for his company. “Thank you for this,” she croaked as she held up his ruined handkerchief. “I’ll wash it for you.”

              “Keep it, love,” he smiled, revealing a glorious set of white teeth. “Let’s sit over there and you can tell me all about the sorry bastard.”

              “Oh, you don’t want to hear all about that!”

              “No, really,” he urged. “You’ll feel better once you’ve spilled your guts.”

              She glanced up at him shyly. “I d-don’t know where to begin.”

              He sat quietly and listened as she told him all about the man she was going to marry and how he’d broken her heart. “I’m not boring you, am I?” she fretted and took another sip of her drink. She wondered if she should cut back, for some reason she was getting lightheaded.

              “You were going to marry him?” he asked incredulously. ”Good God, why?”

              “I don’t know,” she muttered miserably as she tinkered with her glass. ”I guess I was lonely and he was just there.”

              He nodded and stirred his own drink, suddenly deep in thought. “You know,” he said at last, “wouldn’t it be just awful if you showed up with a husband?”

              She nearly fell off her stool. “W-What did you say?” she asked stupidly.

              He leaned forward eagerly. “You know, show up with me in tow. That would really bust his bollocks!”

              She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. “You’re not serious!”

              He shrugged and looked at her intently. “I’m very serious, love.”

              She looked away, blushing to the roots of her hair and was startled as he reached out and took her hand. “How ‘bout it, love?” he asked in a trembling voice. “Want to get married?”

              She must have cracked her own gourd because she heard herself say softly in reply, ”Yes....”

             

              “Hello...?” Lucy had finally felt well enough to get out of bed on Wednesday and was on the phone to an old friend. “Diane? It’s me. Oh, I’m doing okay. What do you mean? All right, I’m lying through my teeth. Listen, I need you to do a big favor for me...”

              She waited until Rudy had left for work before throwing on some old sweats and leaving the house early. But when she got into her battered little Gremlin, the wretched thing refused to budge. She sat there for nearly ten minutes trying to choke some life into the engine. When she realized her little car had breathed its last, she gave up, and began a long hike to the nearest bus stop.

              Lucy huffed and puffed all the way through several blocks to the stop and sat down on the bench fanning herself. She squinted in the late morning sun suddenly wishing she’d taken enough money for a cab. Her appointment was at ten and the bus took at least two hours along its route or so Tia used to tell her. She sighed and checked her watch.

              Finally, the bus in a malodorous cloud of gaseous fumes came roaring down the street and jerked to a stop. Lucy climbed on and chucked her coins down the chute and sat down trying not to think of what lay ahead.

              Two hours later and after thirty-odd stops and four transfers, the bus dropped her off at the hospital. She climbed off the bus drained and sick and made the slow trek up the drive, stopping several times to catch her breath. Lucy hesitated at the familiar entrance. She could have gone to the free clinic downtown, but she needed to clean out her locker and pick up her final check. It was also an opportunity to say goodbye to Diane and see Dr. Ugarte. If there was anyone she wanted overseeing her first trimester, it was she.

              She finally pushed on the automatic door and welcomed the icy gush of air that soothed her heated skin. Gathering her wits, she walked over to the vending machines and bought water and some cheese crackers. Not exactly a nutritious beginning to the day, but it served its purpose of quelling her rebellious stomach. Thus fortified, Lucy took the elevators to obstetrics and hoped no one recognized her.

              She went to admissions, gave her name, and was told to wait. Glancing around at the muted pinks and greens, she was a little surprised at the number of empty chairs. But then, it was early in the day. Shaking her head, she took a magazine and leafed through it numbly, hardly aware of the television that droned on in the background.

              CNN was suddenly waxing lyrically about Vivian and Dean, and Lucy’s ears prickled in curiosity at the entertainment segment. She looked up to see a recent awards’ show where Vivian resplendent in a gold Marchesa gown, paraded her latest toy-boy up and down the red carpet. Dean looked ridiculous preening stupidly in an Armani suit before the cameras. Lucy suddenly wished an earthquake had taken out the whole auditorium.

              Muttering under her breath, she forced herself to look away and continued to read an article about global warming until her name was called. “Ms. Havilland? The doctor will see you now.”

              She stood up relieved and was ushered in by a smiling Dr. Ugarte. “Lucy,” she greeted her warmly, “it’s so good to see you!” She motioned Lucy to sit down and did the same. “So, what brings you here today?

              “You know exactly what brings me here today,” Lucy replied in a strained voice and watched the doctor’s lovely brow arch in surprise.

              “How far along are you?”

              Lucy shrugged. “Six weeks, I think,” she said uncertainly.

              “You’re not sure?”

              Lucy let out a long tired sigh. “It’s a long story.”

              Dr. Ugarte smiled reassuringly and stood. “Well, let’s see for ourselves, shall we?” She motioned for Lucy to follow her into the examining room.

              An hour and a half later, Lucy reemerged with a sonogram picture of her seven week-old fetus, a bottle of prenatal vitamins, and a stern warning to take it easy which was easier said than done.             

              Checking her watch, she took the elevator down to the third floor where Diane said she’d meet her after her appointment. The hospital was crowded with the usual comings and goings of the lunchtime rush, and Lucy headed for the waiting area near the ER and promptly collapsed into a chair. She leaned her head back, studying the various patterns on the mottled ceiling and was about to nod off when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. “Lucy!”

              Lucy smiled and waved Diane over. “You’re late!” she told her, relieved to see a friendly face. “Did you get everything?” she asked fretfully.

              “And hello yourself!” Diane grinned and handed over Lucy’s shoulder bag. “Where the hell have you been? Going off and leaving without a by your leave! You had us all worried sick!”

              Lucy smiled ruefully. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

              Diane’s hazel eyes took in her friend’s weary appearance. Lucy had lost a great deal of weight since she’d last seen her. She was sporting a nasty pallor and looked like she hadn’t slept in days judging by the dark circles rimming the enormous eyes. “You look like shit,” she told her bluntly.

              “Thanks,” Lucy said dryly, and placed her vitamins and sonogram picture into the bag.

              “I didn’t mean it like that,” Diane said quickly. “What’s happened?”

              “Nothing that the whole world doesn’t know already.”

              “I mean it, what’s happened? You didn’t see Yvonne for the hell of it!”

     Lucy grimaced and sat back down, her legs suddenly unable to bear her slight weight.

              “Well, let’s see...” she started, counting off on her fingers. “I ran off to Vegas, got married, got separated, and now I’m preggers!”

              “Stop kidding!” Diane laughed uneasily. “You’re not… serious?”

              “I’m very serious,” Lucy replied quietly. ‘I wish I wasn’t, but there it is.”             

              They both sat in uneasy silence as Diane took in all this new information. ‘Have you had lunch?”  As Lucy shook her head, she took her hand and said, “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch and tell you all about what you’ve missed.”

              “I don’t know,” Lucy began reluctantly, “if I want what’s on the menu.”

              Diane laughed as they made their way to the elevators. “Don’t worry,” she said with an assuring smile. “It’s cheeseburger Wednesday!”

              “Ugh!” Lucy groaned, and tried not to toss her cookies as the elevator dipped sharply to the first floor.

 

 

              They took their lunch outside to the small courtyard and sat down in the white metal bistro chairs. “He’s been prancing around here like a damned peacock,” Diane told her in between bites of tuna salad on rye. Lucy had settled for tomato soup and grilled cheese. “We’re getting pretty sick of him and so is Reinhardt,” she said, referring to the chief resident. “He practically handed him his ass in front of everybody the other night!”

              “Really...?”

              “Yep,” Diane said, sipping on her raspberry tea. “There’s no way they’re gonna give him the fellowship now.”

              “Since when was he interested?”

              Since she heard about it and practically shoved him into the shark tank,” Diane gleefully reported and eyed Lucy dubiously. “Where have you been at? Under a rock?”

              Lucy took a long draught of her ginger ale before answering. “I’ve been working, believe it or not.”

              “Really?” Diane asked in disbelief.  “Where?”

              “I was taking care of some guy who broke his leg,” she told her as she finished off the rest of her grilled cheese. “It was for a couple of weeks near Point Reyes.”

              “What was he like?” Diane leaned forward ready for some juicy gossip. “Was he cute?”

              “He was young and he was hideous!” Lucy said, laughing. “He was as mean as a rattlesnake and that was why I had to leave in a hurry.”

              Diane sat back, nonplussed. “What does Rudy have to say about all this?” she gestured toward Lucy’s stomach. “I’m guessing he’s mad as hell.”

              Lucy busied herself with cleaning up her area before answering. “Rudy doesn’t need to know and I’d like to keep it that way, so please don’t tell anyone.”

              “What...?” Diane’s eyes were wide saucers before recovering slightly. “Yeah, sure...whatever you want. But he’s got a right to know doesn’t he?”

              Lucy shrugged carelessly. “I’ll tell him when the time is right,” she said as they chucked their garbage into the wastebasket. “He’s got enough on his plate with that murder trial coming up.”

              “I guess so,” Diane didn’t sound convinced. They walked back to the elevators arm in arm. “Where are you parked? I’ll walk you back.”

              “My car died,” Lucy informed her as they waited amongst the throngs of returning staff. “I had to take the bus.”

              “The bus...!” Diane’s horrified gaze set Lucy off into hysterical giggles.

              “It wasn’t so bad, really!”

              They got off on the third floor and Diane walked with her through the entrance. “Let me call you a cab.”

              “No,” Lucy declined gently. “Rudy won’t be back till late, and I’ve got just enough for the bus.”

              Diane checked her watch and groaned. “I’d give you a lift, but I’m on in ten.”

              “It’s okay,” Lucy smiled. “You can walk me halfway to the stop if you really want to be a good friend,” she wheedled.

              “Sure,” Diane grumbled reluctantly, wondering if she should call Eddie to get his ass down here and give Lucy a lift. “I could call Ed,” she offered as they trudged up the hill.

              “And interrupt that poor man’s favorite pastime? I wouldn’t dream of it! How is he anyway?”

              “Grumpy as hell and hoping he’ll get that contract.”

              They continued the slow climb up to the bus stop slowly getting winded. “Whose idea was to put that hill there?” Diane wheezed and gripped her side.

              “P-Probably an escapee from that movie Hostel,” Lucy gasped and collapsed onto the bench. “Or someone who hates public transportation!”

              Diane sat down with her to catch her breath. “You sure you’re gonna be okay?” she asked, taking out a Kleenex and wiping Lucy’s brow.

              “We’ll be just fine,” Lucy reassured her, patting her belly lightly. “You’re going to be late,” she motioned toward Diane’s watch.

              “Yeah?” Diane rose and straightened her scrubs. “How do I look?” she asked as she smoothed her dark brown hair away from her face.

              Like a superstar!” Lucy grinned. “Thanks for everything, Diane,” she told her as they hugged goodbye.

              “Sure,” Diane smiled back and proceeded to return the way she came. “You call me!” she shouted as she disappeared down the hill.

              “I will!” Lucy shouted back, and took out the water she didn’t finish and had a warm sip. Checking her watch again, she saw she was in for thirty-minute wait, so she took out her phone and played tic-tac-toe. She was so engrossed in the little game she didn’t notice a familiar car pass by.

              “Lucy!” came a voice.

              Frowning, she looked up but didn’t see anyone so she went back to the game. She grew frustrated and chose another, wishing she’d downloaded something a little more challenging than checkers. “Lucy!” the voice called again.

              She glanced around but still didn’t see anybody and grumbled under her breath that now that she was knocked up, she was going to start hearing voices too. “Lucy!”

              “Who is that?” Lucy nearly gave herself whiplash as her head whipped around trying to figure out who the hell was calling her name.

              She checked her watch for the umpteenth time. Good! The bus was only five minutes away. Hopefully it would get here before she was murdered in cold blood by some escaped lunatic from the psych ward. Lucy glanced around fearfully and laughed at herself. Now she was imagining things because she thought she saw Dean’s car drive past. “Lucy!”

              Lucy’s head turned slowly at the voice that was now getting closer. Oh Hell No! Her eyes widened in horror as Dean’s ‘96 black Impala whizzed by. This could not be happening! She thought of marching back to the hospital, but the bus was only two minutes away. Hopefully, if she threw the hood of her sweatshirt over her head he wouldn’t recognize her.

              No such luck! She groaned inwardly as the Impala cruised to a stop in front of her. For a brief moment, they locked eyes until Lucy decided he really was a piece of shit and she shouldn’t waste one more moment of her life on him. She went back to her phone as if she hadn’t seen him and continued with a fierce game of pinball. “Lucy,” he said again, and plunked himself beside her.

              “Go away,” she muttered, and slid away from him.

              “Please, Lucy---” he began in that simpering voice of his and making her wonder what in the hell had she been drinking when she decided it would be a good idea to spend the rest of her life with this spineless jellyfish. “Let me explain---”

              “There’s nothing to explain,” Lucy said quietly, wishing her stomach would choose this moment to discard her lunch onto his designer dress slacks. “Your penis fell into her vagina. It’s a simple fact of science.” She tossed him a withering glare, wondering how many times he’d gotten Vivian off in the weeks since that awful night. “Now, piss off.”

              “Lucy, I---” he seemed at a loss for words. Lucy wouldn’t look at him.

              “Go on,” she urged coldly, still playing pinball. “Don’t let me stop you.”

              He swore viciously as he snatched the phone out of her hand. “Give me that,” she said calmly, wondering how long it would be before she started screaming.

              “Not until you listen,” his said shakily. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

              “Have you?”

              “God! I’ve been so worried!”

              “Really....” she said slowly.

              “Yes, really!” he said impatiently, his eyes taking in every detail of her pale face. “Why won’t you look at me?” he demanded.

              Lucy made a show of looking at her watch, the sky, and her sneakers, before finally training her impassive gaze on him. He was still as handsome as ever in the familiar uniform of shirt and tie. She wondered how much Vivian was spending on designer duds for her new man. “Nice shirt,” she commented dryly.

              He glanced down and winced. “It wasn’t my fault!” he blurted lamely.

              “Is that so?”

              “Lucy,” he pleaded helplessly. “Help me here! I don’t know what to say.”

              “Give me my phone and I’ll help you,” she offered, and glanced again at her watch.

              He handed it over reluctantly. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you quit.”              She stood and shrugged her slender shoulders. “I wanted to say goodbye to Diane.”

              “Goodbye?” he frowned in confusion. “I thought---”

              “Goodbye is goodbye to a friend,” she explained patiently as if speaking to a child. “She understands what an asshole you are.”

              Dean winced again. “I deserve that,” he said softly. “It’s partly your fault you know,” the words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he had to watch as Lucy paled even more and staggered back as if he’d struck her.

              “You really are a gutless wonder!” she choked back in outrage and slung her bag over her shoulder. “You deserve each other!’

              “I didn’t mean that!” he amended and started after her. “Lucy, please let me explain!”

              To her relief the bus finally came choking down the hill and came to a sputtering stop. Lucy quickly clambered aboard, nearly tripping at the top step and sat up front in case she had a fainting spell. Dean tried to follow but was stopped by the bus driver who was in the throes of a nasty headache, as he hadn’t eaten lunch. He slammed the doors in Dean’s face and sped off with him running alongside it like a madman, demanding to be let on. “What’s with him?” he asked no one in particular.

              “Don’t you know?” she said bitterly. “He’s one of those patients who thinks he’s a doctor!”

              “It figures they let all the nuts out of the nut patch!” the bus driver grunted before accelerating and leaving Dean in a noxious cloud of exhaust.

              Lucy leaned her head back and vowed never to utter Dean’s name again as long as she lived.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Ten

             

             

             

Lucy stood in front of the mirror and regarded her reflection critically. She turned from side to side before swearing in disgust and yanked the pillow she’d stuffed under her blouse and tossed it on the floor.

              “Don’t look at me like that,” she scolded the witness who sat watching her as he cleaned his tail. “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she sighed and flopped onto the bed and stroked Moe’s sleek black fur. “You’re a good boy,” she cooed softly. “What do you think I should do?”

              Rudy’s cat yawned with detached interest and nuzzled her face instead. Lucy lay back and grunted as he climbed onto her chest and peered at her with lazy green eyes. “Don’t mind me,” she said dryly, and tried to discern some ancient wisdom in those translucent depths. “Maybe you’ll tell me later...” she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.

 

             

              “Can I buy you a drink?” the man offered as he plunked himself onto the stool beside her.

              “You look like you could use one,” he leered at her and she felt her skin crawl. For some reason all her instincts were warning her off him.

              “No, thank you,” she declined politely.

              “Bitch!” the man growled and slinked off to a corner of the bar where he huddled with his companion.

              She shuddered slightly and decided she needed to use the restroom. ‘I’ll be back,” she told the bartender and stood up on wobbly legs. She gripped the edge of the bar and tried to steady herself. She’d had too much to drink. She’d had one brandy and several rum and cokes. She never indulged. Never. But somehow seeing one’s fiancée wrapped around your stepmother was enough to make anyone throw caution to the wind and get completely ripped.

              She washed and dried her hands and returned to the bar. Her glass was still there and as she raised the glass to her lips a hand shot out and snatched it away. ”Don’t drink that,” he said, his eyes piercing her soul.

 

* * *

 

              When she woke from her nap, it was raining and earth dampened air wafted in from the cracked window. As she brushed her hair and pressed a cool cloth to her face, she couldn’t help but think of Alec. It had been nearly three weeks since she left; he should have gotten the cast off by now.

              Lucy hadn’t meant things to end the way they did, but she didn’t know why she was feeling so guilty. He’d been a patient. Nothing more. Nothing less. But somehow in those few weeks she’d spent with him, he’d become more. Not in a romantic sense. She was too far-gone for that. No, it was more like a deep-seated friendship. She just couldn’t explain it. In those quiet moments with him in the cottage, she’d felt almost…complete.

              She refused to admit she missed him because she was so certain he’d been glad to offload her, albeit involuntarily. The clock suddenly chimed six and she winced. She was going to be late for dinner. Lucy put her hair into a ponytail and changed.  “What the hell---”

              Her jeans wouldn’t zip. Nope. Nada. Not gonna happen. She tried sucking in her belly, laying flat on the bed, and even contemplated weeping like a little girl. But nothing was going to make her jeans fit again. Swearing under her breath, she raided her meager wardrobe and put on the only thing that would fit her pregnant body: a pair of sweatpants. Not exactly haute couture but it would have to do. She pulled on a T-shirt and pale green hoodie as well and went downstairs to where the enticing aroma of enchiladas beckoned.

              Lucy entered the kitchen where Tia was stirring rice. “Tia!” she exclaimed happily. “You’re back!”

              “Mi nina!” the little woman smiled in welcome and embraced her warmly. “I’ve missed you!” She held Lucy at arms length and examined her with a mother's knowing eye. Rudy had told her the girl had been ill, but this was something much more than simple depression or a bout with the flu. She clicked her tongue in dismay, but when her eyes dropped to Lucy’s stomach her mouth dropped open. “Embarazada!” she gasped in shock.             

              Lucy paled and turned away. Of course, Tia would know. Giving birth to six children and being grandmother to ten imparts a certain otherworldly acumen. But when she glanced down at the slightly rounding belly protruding from her sweatpants, she was certain all hell was about to break loose. If Tia didn’t tell Rudy, he’d figure it out all by his lonesome in another month or two. “Please don’t tell Rudy,” she pleaded helplessly, and sat her weary body down on a stool. She buried her face in her hands and wept.

              “Mi nina!” Tia said softly and rushed over to comfort her. “Don’t cry,” she soothed and held the girl as sobs wracked her slight frame.

              “Oh, Tia!” Lucy choked. “I’ve been so afraid!” More tears filled her eyes and slid down her cheeks in a torrent of grief. She tried to get a hold of herself, but somehow the comforting presence of the woman she’d come to know as a second mother seemed to unleash all the pain that had slowly been building over the past few weeks. It was cathartic in a way to finally have someone share the burden. She felt worn hands smoothing her hair and she breathed in deeply, soothing herself with the scent of Tia’s Cashmere Bouquet body powder and the chilies she’d added to the enchilada sauce.

              Lucy felt as she if she were again that lost little girl; running to Tia whenever she was sad or frightened. She pulled away finally, knowing she wouldn’t be able to indulge such childish impulses now that she was to become a mother herself. “I-I’m better now,” she said, sniffing and groaning at the familiar stain. Tia handed her a washcloth and Lucy quickly pinched her nose. She sat like that for a good five minutes before checking the washcloth. To her relief the waterfall seemed to be stopping. She sighed heavily and watched as Tia began mashing the beans. “Can I help?” she offered, wanting something to do to keep her mind off the fact that she was going to have a baby.

              “Claro que si,” Tia smiled, handing Lucy the potato masher after she washed her hands.

              It was quiet in the kitchen as they worked in companionable silence. For a moment she was reminded of those long summers when she went to stay with Rudy, and Tia would teach her all the secrets of Mexican cuisine. “Where’s Rudy?”

              “He’ll be home late,” Tia replied, reaching for the salt. “He said he would be working late and to set an extra place for dinner.”

              “Oh...?” Lucy queried, her curiosity piqued. “Who’s the guest?’

              “Yo no se,” Tia sighed ruefully. “Mister Rudy never tells me anything!

              Lucy laughed. “That’s not true!”

              Tia rolled her eyes and proceeded to scoop out a large spoonful of lard and toss it into the beans. “He’ll never eat that!” Lucy warned. “He’s on a diet.”

              Tia shrugged carelessly and scooped another spoonful for good measure. “What Mister Rudy don’t know won’t hurt him!”

              Lucy shook her head laughing but took a small taste of the beans anyway. Tia was right. You just couldn’t make proper frijoles refritos without lard. Life was far too short to worry about your waistline or in her case, the impending lack of one. She wondered whom Rudy was bringing home to dinner. Sometimes he’d bring a golf buddy from the country club, but Lucy had never known him to have actual friends aside from her father. The thought was lost on her as she and Tia finished making dinner and set the table.

              A glance at the clock warned them it was nearly seven and Lucy’s stomach was rumbling. It wouldn’t be polite to go ahead and eat without Rudy and guest, but her stomach would brook no argument. She decided to munch on an apple and wait for Rudy. If he wasn’t home by seven-thirty, then that was his own misfortune.

              She sat on a stool and listened as Tia told her all about her brother Pablo and how he was so cheap he wouldn’t take her shopping They were flipping through her vacation photos when they heard Rudy’s “I’m home” whistle.

              Tia rushed out to greet him and came back with an odd look on her weathered face.  “He wants to see you, nina.”

              Something in Tia’s eyes suggested this was more than your standard meet and greet. Groaning in frustration, Lucy went out to the living room to see what he wanted and stopped short. Balancing awkwardly on a new pair of crutches stood... Alec.

              She stared for a moment, overcome by an irrational desire to fling herself into his arms. He seemed to have gotten taller the last time she’d seen him. Somehow sitting in that wheelchair all those weeks hadn’t prepared her for the simple fact that not only was he exceedingly tall, but even more devastatingly handsome than she remembered. Her breath caught slightly in her throat.

              Lucy had not been prepared to see him again, especially after the way she’d left him.  She felt like a tongue-tied teenager on her first date, not knowing what to say or how to act. Instead she busied herself with his appearance. He was wearing carpenter jeans and a white T-shirt with an unbuttoned red plaid shirt over it. Alec had cleaned himself up nicely, and the effect was startling. His hair was cut in a short masculine style that showed off his handsome features.

              But the most startling change was the missing beard. His clean-shaven beauty was now on full display, and Lucy found herself admiring the chiseled features like a lovesick schoolgirl. He was utterly perfect; there was no other word to describe Alec. Her eyes traced longingly over his face: the firm, yet sensual curve of his mouth; the straight nose; the cerulean jewels of his eyes and the dark circles under them that denoted the lack of sleep. She longed to reach out and smooth them away. Lucy finally glanced up to find him watching her, and she looked away quickly, her cheeks as red as Tia’s enchilada sauce.

              Alec cleared his throat and smiled. “H-Hi,” he began awkwardly. “I---” he couldn’t finish.

              Lucy couldn’t think of anything to say either. “Y-You got your cast off,” she said stupidly and winced. What the hell was wrong with her? And why was she feeling so damned happy and miserable at the same time? “How’ve you been?” she said, once she recovered what was left of her wits.

              He shrugged and eyed her closely. “I’ve been better and you’ve been ill.”

              Lucy nearly collapsed on the floor. How did he know? Feeling uncomfortable under his sudden perusal, she crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s just a stomach virus,” she told him with a dismissive wave of her hand and saw an odd look briefly darken the handsome visage.

              “There’s a lot of that going around,” Alec said rather oddly, and exchanged glances with Rudy who still hadn’t uttered a word. It gave Lucy the creeps. “You should take better care of yourself,” he chided softly.

              “Yeah,” she replied slowly, drawing the word out in two syllables as she gazed at Alec and then at Rudy who kept exchanging queer looks as if they were part of some evil conspiracy to replace her with an alien double. Lucy was beginning to feel as if she were in an episode of The Twilight Zone. “What’s going on?” she asked, peering at them suspiciously.

              “W-What...?” Alec squawked, and nearly tripped over his crutches as he whipped around to face Rudy. “You told me she knew!” he hissed, and looked ready to bolt out the door.

              Rudy shrugged. “I lied.”

              Alec stood with his back to them laughing and muttering nonsensically to himself. Lucy wondered if he wasn’t having some sort of breakdown. She took a step to go to him, but Rudy halted her by putting a finger to his lips and shaking his head. “Why don’t you show Lucy the present you got for her?” he called out instead.

              “P-Present...?” Alec repeated as if in a trance.

              “You showed it to me earlier, Alec,” Rudy urged as he held on to Lucy’s arm. “I’m sure she’d love to see it.”

              “Present, right,” Alec muttered to himself, and began a frantic search of his pockets. He began patting himself down in a clumsy attempt to find the cursed thing.

              “Alec, what’s---” Lucy began, but was cut off by Rudy who shushed her and went to assist Alec. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” she demanded in mounting alarm.

              “Just a moment,” Rudy called cheerfully as he fumbled around in Alec’s pockets. “Don’t tell me you lost it!” he muttered, brushing aside Alec’s hands. “You’re shaking like a leaf!” he scolded him. “Get a hold of yourself!”

              “What do you want me to do?” Alec hissed back in increasing panic. “You told me everything was settled!”

              “It is,” Rudy assured him as he fished out the item from deep within Alec’s jean pocket. “In a way,” he added wryly as he held it up for Alec’s inspection. “Better hold on to this,” he said, laughing a little but feeling no joy as Alec snatched it away angrily.

              “Give me that!” he snapped and inspected it closely for a moment before taking a deep shuddering breath and turning around with Rudy’s help. He held it up to the light and fully expected all of hell to rain down upon his sorry head.

              But there was...silence. No one uttered a sound. Not Rudy. Not Tia who stood by in the kitchen crossing herself and silently reciting her prayers. And most certainly not Lucy who was staring at the object he held with a befuddled expression on her lovely face. His heart felt as if it were suddenly being wrenched from his body as tears welled up in her enormous eyes. She looked up at him and then down at her hand where the golden band encircled her finger. Then she looked up again at what he was holding.

              It swayed back and forth on a chain. Back and forth it swung like a pendulum and glinted mockingly at her as the cheap gold caught and reflected the soft light. Lucy stared disbelieving; hardly able to breathe for it was a perfect match to the one she wore. Tears were filling her eyes faster than she could swipe them away. And then like a flood, her memory purged itself of that night: the long drive; the casino; the drunken laughter; the small chapel and the loss of her virginity.

              Even now she could still hear Alec’s harsh breaths in her ear as he thrust into her.

              It was too much for her fragile mind to manage in one fell swoop, and she backed away from them both. Mortified at having slept with Alec in a drunken haze and feeling betrayed by Rudy, she felt her gorge rise in protest and clapped a hand over her mouth as she fled to the bathroom.

              She didn’t make it and made a mess all over the carpet. Weeping openly, she collapsed in a pitiful heap and hugged herself tightly, feeling as though both her mind and body had been raped.

              Lucy’s sobs reverberated throughout the house, while Alec stood shamefaced and numb. He clutched the ring in his hand so tightly he could feel the metal cutting into his flesh. Then he flung the chain angrily at Rudy not caring as it struck the man’s cheek, drawing blood. “God damn you, Rudy!” he swore bitterly as he stalked out of the house.

              “Where are you going?” Rudy called out, wiping his cheek. “Let me drive you back!”

              “Go to hell!” Alec shouted back before slamming the door behind him.

              Rudy stood rooted to the spot as Tia rushed past him to aid Lucy. He could feel nothing at this particular moment, but a sense of utter and complete failure. He’d screwed up royally and as sure as he was standing, he was certain of only one thing: He was a sorry son of a bitch.

             

             

             

             

             

 

 

 

             

                                                       

 

 

Chapter Eleven

 

             

 

“Breathe in,” Lucy instructed gently. She held the stethoscope to the girl’s chest and listened as she inhaled deeply. There was a slight wheezing in her lungs. “Did you take your medicine today?” she asked.

              Sophie hung her head in shame and started to cry. “We couldn’t get it,” she said, her voice trembling.

              “Did you run out?” Lucy asked, handing her a tissue. 

              The girl peered up at her with reddened eyes and blew her nose. “No,” she sighed finally and shrugged. “Mama couldn’t get it this month.”

              “Oh, sweetie!” Lucy gasped and patted the girl’s shoulder in a vain attempt to soothe her. “Why couldn’t your mom get it?’

              “Well...” the girl paused and then began ticking off on her small hand all the reasons why her mother couldn’t afford her medicine that month. “The toilet backed up again and then Juni needed new shoes...” she trailed off trying to remember the other thing. “Oh, and Marta needed stuff for the baby.”

              “Who’s Marta?

              “My sister,” she replied and began swinging her legs back and forth. “Mama said she’s going to have a baby just like you.”

              Lucy started; now knowing her baggy scrub top had been a complete failure. “How do you know I’m going to have a baby?”

              Sophie pointed at Lucy’s stomach. “You’re getting fat, just like Marta.” Her dark eyes grew round. “Aren’t you?” she asked, now unsure and wondering if she was going to get a spanking for being impertinent. Mama was always scolding her for being impertinent, whatever that meant. “Mama said the baby was important.”

              “I’m sure it is,” Lucy said brittlely. ‘But what about you?”

              Sophie shrugged, so used to being forgotten that it didn’t matter anymore. “What about me?” Then as if bored she said: “Can I go now?”

              Lucy smiled and reached for the glass jar full of gummy bears. “You’re all done.” She opened it and held it out for Sophie. “Since you were so good, you get a treat. Pick one.”

              “One?” Sophie queried uncertainly and rummaged around in the jar for a small bag of candy. “Mama might get mad at me. The dentist costs lots.”

              “I’m sure if you brush your teeth right after, your mama will understand.”

              Sophie seemed to consider this and pulled out two small bags. “Can I have one for Juni?”

              “Of course!” Lucy laughed, for a moment all her sadness forgotten. She helped Sophie down and escorted her to the door. “Don’t worry,” she told her, “we’ll give you some medicine until your mom can get some, okay?

              Sophie smiled, revealing two small dimples in her plump cheeks. “Thank you!” she said gratefully, and waved to Lucy as she ran back to the waiting room to show her mother what the nice nurse had given her.

              Lucy exhaled wearily and changed the paper on the examining table for the next patient. Her hand slid unbidden to her emerging belly trying not to think of Alec. It had been nearly two weeks since that explosive confrontation at Rudy’s. She hadn’t spoken to either of them since.

              Not that Alec was beating her door down to talk to her anyway, Lucy thought bitterly. Once she had recovered from the shock of finding her husband, she had thrown what little clothes she had into a backpack and took a cab to a motel. She didn’t want to be around Rudy right now.

              He later confessed to having known about Alec the whole time she was having her pity party in his guesthouse. The straw that had broken the proverbial camel’s back was the admission that once he’d found out about Alec he’d set up the whole caretaking job as a way of bringing them together. Whether or not they both remembered the other was inconsequential; Rudy’s exact words.

              Lucy had had enough and more or less cut them both out of her life. She hadn’t expected this level of callowness from either one of them, especially Rudy. She’d had a terrible row with him after he’d gotten completely bombed on vodka martinis. He’d gone on a drunken tirade accusing her of ruining her life and railing about how the hell was she going to take care of a baby when she couldn’t even take care of herself. Not only had Rudy known about Alec, he’d found out about the baby as well. The final nail in the coffin was his incoherent blathering about her father. How dare good old Walt pop off and lay this burden on his doorstep when he had his own damn problems! And why couldn’t she get her crap together and leave him the hell alone?

              So that’s exactly what she’d done. She’d spent her first night downtown in some godforsaken excuse for a hotel with the cacophony of shouting homeless and the piercing wails of police sirens haunting her dreams. She left in a hurry the next morning and hopped a bus to cheap motel near Echo Park. Oh, she could have splurged on a room at the Park Plaza, but she was trying to save her credit cards for the move east. All she had to do was hold out till Monday.

              The plan was to fly out to New York, rent a car, and drive all the way to Prince Edward Island. Astoria was no longer a viable option since Lucy had decided that leaving the states entirely and starting over in Canada was the best thing for her and the baby. She had already renewed her passport and received the new one just prior to her blowup with Rudy.

              To earn a little extra money, Diane---bless her soul--- had called her brother Carlos and persuaded him to hire Lucy part-time at his clinic in Skid Row. The money wasn’t great, but it was the daily grind of endless patients that saved her sanity. She could focus on work and not spend her time fretting over Rudy’s inherent stupidity and the husband who didn’t want anything to do with her or their unborn baby.

              Her heart sank at the thought of Alec. In spite of herself, Lucy had foolishly kept her phone by her side, hoping against hope that he would call. Not that she was expecting a declaration of love and a promise of them living happily ever after, but she’d kind of hoped that he’d say something...anything about the baby. Somehow, she’d thought him better than that. The slow horrifying realization that she’d been wrong about him and had freely given him the only thing in her possession that she’d held dear, was more than enough to send her fragile psyche reeling.

              Her phone rang constantly but it was only Rudy, who by now, was in a tizzy and frantically trying to get a hold of her. Lucy wasn’t buying it. He was only feeling guilty over his outburst and though she knew there was some truth in what he said, she didn’t need it flung in her face like some piece of offal from a crime scene. She knew she had to sort out her life. And she was going to do it with or without Alec. 

              Steeling herself for what lay ahead, she flung open the door and went into the supply room where open boxes of pharmaceutical samples lay waiting to be distributed among the uninsured masses. Lucy sat down on a stool wincing at her aching feet. She couldn’t believe her ankles were swelling already! Just then her phone chimed and glancing at the number she squelched her disappointment at seeing it wasn’t Alec and tried to sound cheerful as she greeted Diane. “Hey girl!” she smiled in spite of herself.

              Hey, yourself!” Diane answered brightly, and sounded as if she were munching on something. “What’s wrong?”

              “Whatever do you mean?” Lucy asked innocently.

              “He didn’t call...did he?”

              “No,” Lucy gulped, trying to swallow the huge lump that had settled in her throat. “I knew he wouldn’t, but...”

              “You kind of hoped he would?”

              “Yeah,” Lucy croaked, and swiped at the tears that were beginning to fall. “I-I mean, not for me...f-for the baby.”

              “Don’t you dare cry!” Diane scolded angrily. “He’s not worth it!”

              “I know you’re right,” Lucy sighed, trying to get her emotions in check before she got herself fired. “I should cut my phone off.”

              “Yeah!” Diane agreed heartily. “So, how’s it going?”

              Lucy bent down and tugged at her sock where it was beginning to strangle her waterlogged ankle like a python. “She said I was fat!” she said in mock outrage.

              “Who?”

              “Sophie.”

              “Oh, what does an eight-year-old know anyway?” Diane scoffed. “You’re not fat, just pleasingly plump!”

              “Gee,” Lucy said dryly, “thanks.”

              Diane laughed and shuffled some papers in the background. “So, did you give any thought to what I said?”

              “To what?”

              “To dinner and staying with us.”

              “I don’t want to impose,” Lucy told her as she stood back up, and began pulling boxes of saline out and tucking them on the shelf. “Besides, I thought Eddie’s mom was staying with you.”

              “Don’t remind me!” Diane groaned in frustration. “Do you have any idea what boiling tripe smells like four in the morning?”

              Lucy giggled. “I thought you liked menudo!”

              “I used to,” Diane grumbled, “then I started working in the morgue. I think I’ll pass. Besides, she uses a recipe from the seventh circle of Hell!”

              “Stop!” Lucy laughed, fanning her face as she threatened to be overcome by a hysterical fit of giggles. “You’re going to make me pee!”

              “I made you laugh, didn’t I?”

              “So when are you picking me up?” Lucy asked once she’d recovered, fishing out boxes of syringes.

              “Eddie said to be outside at six,” Diane replied as she finished her lunch. “Did you eat?” she asked suspiciously.

              “I had a bagel,” Lucy said and winced. “It was all I could keep down.”

              “Get Carlos to give you some Benadryl.”

              “Are you mad? You’d have to carry me out on a stretcher!”

              Diane cackled evilly. “It would serve Eddie right!”

              “What’s he done now?”

              “She’s in my living room!”

              They both dissolved in laughter, and Lucy finally hung up with the promise that she’d be ready and waiting outside at six sharp. Then it was back to the boxes for the remainder of the afternoon.

              Lucy finished unpacking the last of the boxes and stood up, wincing as her back protested painfully. She tried to massage the ache away and swore when her fingers caught a sensitive spot. She didn’t know what was worse, the persistent ache in her back or the one brewing in her skull.

              The clinic was closing for the day and the skeleton crew of doctor, two nurses, and a medical assistant went from room to room, locking cabinets and filing away papers. Lucy grabbed her jacket and backpack and stayed with Carlos as he locked up. She stood next to him waving to the others as they said goodnight and went to their cars.

              Oh, how she wished her little car hadn’t upped and died! Independence was a thing not to be taken lightly, and she was beginning to find out the hard way.

              Carlos pulled the gate down and locked it. “So, when’s sis coming to pick you up?” he asked, smiling. He was shorter than his sister with a stocky build and broad, pleasant features. He wasn’t as jovial as Diane but more than made up for it with his magnanimous nature.

              Lucy glanced at her watch. “They’re supposed to be here at six.”

              He nodded. “The reason I ask,” he said quietly, “is that I don’t want to leave you out here by yourself.”

              “I’ll be all right by myself,” she said bravely, and sneaked another look at her watch. Five-forty five. “I don’t mind waiting.”

              He was startled by her naiveté. “This is your first time in Skid Row isn’t it?”

              “No, it isn’t,” she replied defensively. “I did my psyche clinicals down here.”

              “And that makes you an expert...?”

              “Geez, Carlos!” she grumbled. “What’s with the third degree?”

              “Sorry,” he said ruefully. “But Di would never forgive me if I let something happen to you and in your current state,” he added, gesturing toward her protruding belly.

              “I can take care of myself,” Lucy reassured him with a stubborn tilt of her chin. “One of Viv’s toys was ex-Mossad. He was very proficient at Krav Maga.”

              “Is that right?’

              “Uh-huh.”

              “Well...” he began sheepishly, “since you’re here to protect me, I can stay with you till Di shows up.”

              “Ha-ha,” she retorted with another glance at her watch. It was getting late and Lucy’s bravado was slowly receding. She really didn’t want to be caught out in Skid Row after dark. She shrugged off her jacket feeling stifled in the lightweight cotton. The warmth of early summer was beginning to rear its ugly head as the concrete and asphalt slowly released the insidious heat into the polluted air. “Can I ask you something?” she ventured cautiously.

              “Ask away.”

              “Why can’t Sophie’s mom afford her medicine?”

              “Because her sister keeps getting pregnant,” he spat out in disgust. “The girl’s a baby factory!”

              “How old is Marta?”

              “Sixteen and a half,” he informed her bitterly. “And she’s on baby number three.”

              Lucy felt sick. “Poor Sophie,” she muttered. “They don’t give her the meds, do they?”

              “I don’t know,” he sighed in frustration. “I give her the medicine because she needs it and they go and sell some of it. What she has left doesn’t even get her through the month.”

              “So why even bother?”

              “I ask myself that same question every morning. Rachel tells me I should get into private practice.”

              “So why don’t you?”

              Carlos shrugged. “I’m all they’ve got.”

              “You’re a saint Dr. Alves,” she smiled.

              He grinned. “Tell my children! They think I’m the most horrible dad in the world because I can’t afford an iPhone!”

              “Who wants one of those?”

              “Luz,” he grumbled and shuffled his feet. “All her friends have one!” he said, mimicking the incessant whine of his preteen daughter.

              “She’s only twelve!” Lucy exclaimed. ‘Don’t give in to her!”

              “Nah,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Maybe a Kindle or something for Christmas.”

              “Yeah,” she agreed and looked up to see Eddie’s trusty red pickup truck rounding the corner. “The prodigal son returns,” she proclaimed with a grin as he rolled to a stop and waved a greeting.

              “Hola!” Eddie called as Diane leaped from the truck and ran to greet her brother.

              “Long time, no see,” she told him with a playful punch on the arm and gave him a hug. “When are you coming to see me?”

              Carlos looked embarrassed as he extricated himself from his sister’s embrace. “Rachel wanted to go shopping for furniture,” he told her apologetically. “Next time,” he promised.

              “Uh-huh,” she said, not believing him for a second and turned to Lucy. “Ready?”

              Lucy nodded and they said goodbye to Carlos who waved as he went to his car parked in front and drove off. “I don’t believe him for one minute!” Diane sputtered angrily, walking Lucy to the truck.

              “Maybe he was just busy,” Lucy defended him, and climbed in the truck bed.

              “Busy, my eye! Diane spat as she climbed in after her. “He’s always making excuses!”

              Lucy rolled her eyes and placed her backpack on her lap. For extra passengers, Eddie had installed bucket seats. “It’s getting late,” she reminded her friend, suddenly overcome with fatigue.

              “Sorry,” Diane mumbled guiltily as she helped Lucy with the shoulder harness. She felt like a selfish cow as she took in the delicate features now pale and drawn. “You want to ride up front?” she asked worriedly.

              Lucy shook her head. “I’m good,” she reassured her friend with a faint smile.               Diane nodded and hopped back in beside her husband.

              “How is she?” he asked as he started the truck.

              “How do you think?” Diane snapped as she fastened her seatbelt. She turned and tapped on the glass and gave a thumbs-up. Lucy returned the gesture. “Let’s go,” she ordered her husband.

              Eddie knew that tone of voice. It was safer to keep his mouth firmly shut when his wife was in one of her moods. He merely gazed upwards and prayed for the strength to get him through this evening in one piece. He stomped on the gas and began the long, tiring drive through traffic.

              Lucy took out her iPod shuffle and popped her ear buds in. She closed her eyes to the haunting strains of Sting’s Fortress Around Your Heart and allowed the wind to soothe her weary mind. The muffled sounds of traffic and cloying smell of exhaust were oddly soothing, and she sat back and actually began enjoying the ride.

              “Turn here,” Diane instructed her husband.

              Sighing, he did as he was told and pulled into an In-N-Out Burger. He was a little surprised and happy at the thought of getting a juicy burger. Diane had him on a stick and twig diet, and his mother’s endless pots of menudo were making his hemorrhoids rival Mount Vesuvius. But just to be sure he wasn’t being punk’d, he opened his big mouth and was instantly sorry. “Can I have a milkshake?”

              “It’s not for you,” his wife answered tartly. “You’re on a diet, remember?”

              Grumbling under his breath, he pulled up at the drive-thru and kept his mouth shut as his wife barked her order at the poor girl. “Go easy, will you?” he remonstrated.

              “I can’t!”

              “You can’t save everybody, Di,” he said softly. “She’ll be okay.”

              Diane shook her head on the verge of tears. “She’s just a kid.”

              He patted his wife’s back in a clumsy attempt to soothe her. It was a relief when the food came and he handed it to her and they drove off to Lucy’s hotel. Every now and then he caught Diane digging into the bag to fish out a French fry and robotically place it in her mouth. He wished he knew what to say, but he wasn’t very good at these things.

              Lucy nearly nodded off several times and was relieved when the truck jerked to a stop. She climbed down with Diane’s help and was nearly overcome when handed the bag of food. “Oh, Di…you didn’t have to---”

              “Shh!” Diane shushed her and gave her a hug. “You need to eat!”

              “I do,” Lucy agreed. “Thank Eddie for me.”

              Diane wanted to weep as she walked Lucy to the door and watched as she let herself in. “You give me a call, okay?”

              “I will,” Lucy promised on the verge of crying herself. “Thank you, Di. You’re a good friend.”

              “Oh, go on with you!” Diane said gruffly, and waved at Lucy once more as she climbed in beside her husband. Diane leaned over and kissed her husband’s cheek.

              “What was that for?” he breathed, both startled and pleased.

              “For being the teddy bear that you are,” she said, fastening her seatbelt. “Take me home and I’ll bake you a cake.”

              “Chocolate?” he asked hopefully.

              “Chocolate, it is,” she agreed and leaned her head back as the truck started up again.

              Lucy sank against the door, happy to have a moment to herself at last. She kicked off her sneakers and sat down at the table to devour the cheeseburger and fries Diane had bought, washing it all down with a cold shake. Once fortified, she brushed her teeth, and crawled into bed too tired to take off her scrubs.

              She tugged the cheap bedspread over her exhausted body and fell instantly asleep. Sometime in the night, the cruel tolling of a cellphone rudely awakened Lucy. She groped sleepily in the dark for the evil thing, but it was nowhere to be found. Her befogged brain suddenly remembered it was in her backpack, but she lost her balance as she stood and her feet tangled in the chenille fringe. She swore like a sailor as her butt plopped painfully onto the carpet, and she crawled on all fours to yank her cell phone out, ready to let whomever was on the other end have it with both barrels. “H-Hullo?” she slurred sleepily.

              “Lucy...” came a familiar voice and one she thought she’d never hear again.

              She was instantly awake. “Alec...?”

              “We need to talk.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twelve

 

             

 

Lucy didn’t know why she was so nervous. It was only Alec. But just so he wouldn’t think her a total failure, she washed her face and combed her hair before putting it back into its sloppy bun. She didn’t bother to change her scrubs. Let him see! Let him see that she wasn’t a hopeless basket case…yet.

              He had wanted her to meet him at a diner, but her car had been towed away to that great junkyard in the sky so he agreed to pick her up. After fussing over her appearance for all of five minutes, she came to the startling conclusion that it was a lost cause. With dull pasty skin, and dark circles haunting her enormous eyes, she looked like the Bride of Dracula! 

              The only thing she could do was smooth her wrinkled scrubs, drag on her sneakers, and throw on a sweater. Lucy took one last look at her bedraggled reflection before going outside to wait for her husband’s triumphant return.

              She sat down on the curb and checked her watch; three-thirty in the morning. She wondered what good ole Alec wanted at this ungodly hour. Surely, it wasn’t her?               Heavens, no!              

              Lucy hadn’t heard anything from her dearly departed husband since that debacle in Rudy’s living room. She could only surmise it had something to do with the marriage itself. He probably wanted to arrange an annulment. A divorce would be too messy, even though she wanted nothing from him. A mere mention of the baby he put inside her body? Maybe. But she wouldn’t count on it.

              She hugged her knees to her chest and tried not to let her nerves get the best of her. Lucy wondered what he’d been doing these past few weeks all by his lonesome while she’d been a nervous wreck. She thought it hysterical that she was married to a man that she knew absolutely nothing about. He could be a serial killer for all she knew! Ugh! What if he was some sort of escapee from a mental hospital--or horror of all horrors--a convict? Her frazzled mind ran the gamut of possible scenarios in which her soon to be ex-husband was a spy, a chef, or her personal favorite...an actor

              It would certainly explain his duplicity. After all, actors were professional liars. She’d learned that the hard way what with Vivian’s revolving carousel of hunks-of-the month. There’d been so many in and out of the house over the years that Lucy had lost count. Some had been friendly, while others had not. Bile suddenly rose in her gullet at one particular memory, and she quickly squelched and forced it to a dark corner of her mind.  

              Lucy wondered how long Alec had known. She went over his behavior from the day they met till the day she left. While her memories of that night lay scattered in fractured dreams, Alec’s must have lain dormant until those last few weeks when his anger towards her had been at its zenith.

              She’d never been able to grasp why Alec had suddenly become hostile, almost confrontational. Now she knew. Once he’d recovered the memory of that night, he must have regretted his hasty decision in marrying a complete stranger. When she remembered how he’d glared at her that morning, it sent cold chills down her spine. It was almost as if he...hated her.

              Another cold chill tickled her back and she shivered, pulling her sweater closer about her. Lucy was becoming restless and nervously drummed her heels against the pavement. She checked her watch again. Nearly four. Maybe he decided against driving all this way just so they could hash out their differences. Maybe he decided it wasn’t worth the effort of easing her mind about the baby. Maybe, maybe, maybe....

              She’d go mad trying to figure this out and winced as the little man in her skull began to wield his hammer. Her hands flew up to her temples in an effort to stave him off, but it was too late. The migraine was already rearing its ugly head. She needed to eat and soon. Cereal and milk just wouldn’t cut it this morning. Hopefully Alec would get her something to eat. Yeah, right! He probably would love to see her starve to death just so he wouldn’t have to worry about her or the baby. Lucy fumbled in her pocket to see how much cash she had on her.

              Twenty bucks.             

              The rest of her money she was saving for the trip east, but she decided she would splurge just this once. She hoped wherever Alec intended on taking her that they had an abundance of cheese. That’s all she’d been craving of late, rich globs of cheese and butter. If she kept this up they’d have to roll her down the tarmac!

              It was nearly four-thirty. He wasn’t coming. Her heart sank and she stood to brush off the dirt, ready to face another bowl of cornflakes. Just as she turned to head back, a small black jeep rumbled forth, its headlights illuminating the darkness and jerked to a stop.

              She stood for a moment blinking in confusion and then the door opened. Alec sat at the wheel, looking as if he longed to be far away from the horror. Lucy felt the same way, wanting to fly to some deserted island where she didn’t have to figure out the rest of her life.

              Alec’s brusque greeting broke her reverie. “Get in.”

              Shivering again, Lucy hopped up, ignoring the hand that was offered and settling herself into the leather seat. She tried to keep her wits about her as she fastened the seat belt with trembling hands and sat quietly listening to the idling engine. And then there was silence.

              Oh, the silence! She hadn’t been this close to Alec since the night of the storm when they watched movies by candlelight. He was so close she could smell his aftershave and… he didn’t want her. Hot tears pricked her eyes and she willed them away. This was no time to be hormonal! Lucy straightened her shoulders and steeled herself for the inevitable.

              “How’ve you been?” he blurted suddenly, his voice sounding like a machine gun, and startling her so much she nearly wet her pants.

              She held her hands in her lap and tried to still her quivering limbs. What the hell was the matter with her? “I’ve been better,” she croaked through a dry throat, not wanting him to get off so lightly. “And you?”             

              She squinted in the dark to get a better look at him. His hair and clothes were mussed and he sounded tired. “The same,” he muttered under his breath. “How’s the…um…baby...” he began with a nod in their baby’s general direction.

              “Fine,” she murmured, placing a protective hand over her burgeoning belly. “We’re both fine. I-I have a picture if you’d like to see...” her voice trailed off as he turned away abruptly and stepped on the gas. He pulled out almost as if in a rage, gripping the wheel with both hands, and turning so sharply she had to grip the dashboard for support.

              He didn’t speak as they sped along I-10, which was partially deserted save a few early risers who wanted to beat the morning rush. Lucy tried to make small talk, but the words caught in her throat when she caught a glance at his clenched jaw. She didn’t have much to say anyway.

              Then the speeding glimmers of asphalt, and the intermittent flashes of headlights from passing cars distracted her eyes. Suddenly Lucy became aware of a very familiar burning sensation in the pit of her stomach. 

              “Alec, stop,” she pleaded hoarsely and panicked when he did not. It was almost as if he didn’t hear her. “Alec...” she tried again. She let out a tortured groan and finally Alec turned toward her just in time. He quickly pulled over into the emergency lane, and Lucy clapped a hand over her mouth as he unbuckled her seat belt. As soon as she was free, she flung the door open nearly falling out in her haste, and sped over to the guardrail where she unceremoniously christened a pair of unfortunate cacti.

              Just as the last of the spasms subsided, Lucy took a few deep-cleansing breaths to calm herself. She attempted to stand upright but found her legs wouldn’t cooperate; they wobbled like Jell-O. When her legs were finally ready, she tried again but tripped over her feet and slammed into something hard. A steadying arm was braced around her waist, and a cool cloth was swiped across her heated cheeks and brow.

              Alec had come to her rescue at last, and she savored his gentle ministrations no matter how brief they might be.

              She was still a little in awe of how tall he was, probably because he made her feel so vulnerable. The top of her head barely came to the middle of his chest, and Lucy leaned against him breathing in the soothing scents of soap and fabric softener. She stood still as he bathed her face and she longed for him to tell her that everything would be all right, that she wouldn’t have to go through this alone. But alas, that thought was just as fleeting as the arm around her waist.

              Alec stepped away, clearing his throat. “Ready?” he asked gruffly, and handed her the cloth to finish wiping her face.

              Lucy took the proffered cloth and followed behind him meekly, her eyes darting here and there in a sorry attempt to scavenge what remained of her pride. Finding none, she allowed him to help her into the jeep, and looked away as he fastened her seatbelt. She didn’t need a sign to tell her that this wasn’t going to end well. She closed her eyes, listening to the swooshing sounds of traffic, and the way Alec’s shoes crunched on the blacktop. He hopped in and started the engine. “Where to?” he asked casually.

              The only thing she could think of at the moment was oatmeal.                            

              “Swingers!” Lucy blurted through a mouth tasting like an old paste pot.

              “W-What did you say?” Alec choked, mortified.

              Lucy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “It’s a diner,” she explained, trying to stifle a fit of hysterical laughter. “On Beverly Boulevard. I need to eat to settle my stomach.”

              “Right,” he breathed, slightly disconcerted as he drove off. He didn’t speak to her for the remainder of their trip.

              Lucy didn’t mind; she was beginning to suspect there wouldn’t be much pleasant conversation where they were headed. She closed her eyes and nodded off until Alec startled her with his sudden announcement, “We’re here.”

              She waited patiently as he killed the engine and walked around to her side to help her out. Lucy didn’t want to touch him and brushed his hand away and hopped down unassisted. She allowed him to steer her into the brightly lit diner and into a corner booth, away from the scattered groups of exhausted college students studying for finals and the inebriated few who were nursing a nasty hangover.

              Lucy was still cold and she huddled deeper into her sweater. She finally got a chance to get a good look at Alec. From under long lashes she studied her future ex-husband. Is that what he was? She wasn’t sure. The reluctant father of her unborn child? Probably.

              He looked none too pleased to be here that much was certain, though no less magnificent than before, he exuded a certain weariness; a faded soul so to speak. His hair was tousled as if he’d just gotten out of bed, and he had at least three days growth of a new beard. He also looked like he’d thrown on whatever happened to be lying around, which was a gray Oxford University hoodie that had seen better days, and a pair of black sweatpants. Dark circles rimmed the bloodshot eyes, and the corners of that chiseled mouth drooped ever so slightly as if he’d tasted something very unpleasant. Was Alec given to drink? She hoped not, she needed him sober...for now.

              “A-Are you all right, Alec?” she dared to ask. He didn’t look up and seemed intent on reading the menu to death.  “Alec...?”

              “Hmm....?” he looked up startled to find his wife staring at him with concern etched on her beautiful face. His wife! That was a new one on him. His wife and with a child growing in her belly! What the bloody hell was he going to do with a wife and baby? He’d give anything for the answer. If only it was as simple as playing happy families. But life was much more brutal than that, and he didn’t want Lucy in the crosshairs. “Did you…um… say... something?”

              She didn’t know what the hell was going on with him, but at the moment she really couldn’t give a rat’s ass. She had her own problems, and the sooner they hashed this whole mess out, the better. “Are you ready to order?” Lucy asked instead, fighting an overwhelming urge to smack him upside the head with the sugar dispenser.

              “Huh? Oh, right...you first,” he offered graciously, and sat back as the waitress took Lucy’s order of Irish oatmeal with brown sugar and milk with a side of toast and a cup of green tea. "I’ll have toast and coffee--black,” he told the girl who was making cow eyes at him. His wife rolled her eyes in disgust and nibbled on a saltine cracker.

              Neither spoke as they waited for breakfast. Lucy couldn’t think of anything this stressful aside from her mother’s funeral. She kept wondering when Alec was going to stop beating around the bush and get to the nitty-gritty. She had no qualms about an annulment. What if he thought she was going to sue for child support? The money would be nice, but she was more than prepared to go this alone if she had to and with each passing minute of Alec’s silence, it was appearing more and more a possibility.

              “Rudy tells me you aren’t on speaking terms,” he began, and startled Lucy so much that she tipped her water glass.

              “We had words,” she said tersely, blotting up the puddle and wanted to leave it at that but Alec decided that this was the perfect opportunity to be chatty.

              “About...what?” he persisted. “He’s been in an awful snit trying to get a hold of you.”

              “I’m sure,” she mumbled and munched on another dry saltine. “Leave it, Alec,” she warned, not feeling in the best mood to listen to him pontificate about Rudy’s self-flagellation.

              “Wanna talk about it?”

              Lucy shook her head. “Do you remember anything about that night?” she blurted in a vain attempt to forget Rudy. She sorely wished she’d kept her mouth shut. Alec merely blinked in surprise at the bold question, then his mouth curved upwards at a particular memory while his blue eyes swept over her with such heat that her mouth fell open in shock. She could feel herself turning every shade of red on the color wheel and jerked her sweater closed. “Oh, my God!” she muttered in abject shame, wanting to crawl under the table.

              “You asked,” he told her simply, ignoring her distress. “And…you?”

              Lucy hung her head and nodded, wishing a giant sinkhole would open beneath her and swallow her whole. “I-I’m sorry,” she muttered miserably.

              “So am I,” he said softly.

              There was nothing more to say until finally the waitress brought their breakfast and put them both out of their misery. Lucy tucked eagerly into her oatmeal, while Alec heavily buttered and jellied his wheat toast. He downed his coffee in several fiery gulps, wincing all the while at the horrid stuff. He would have liked a proper fry-up, but his doctor suspected he was developing an ulcer, and firmly advised against anything resembling food.              

              Lucy could feel his eyes on her as she ate and decided it was now or never. She hurriedly sipped her tea and ate her toast while her husband looked on with amusement. When she was finished, she pushed the bowl away and tidied her area. Now she was ready. “Well...?”

              “Well, what?” he repeated, slightly irritated as he looked at the bill.

              “You didn’t drag me here just to sample their toast, did you?”

              He exhaled loudly. “No. No, I didn’t.”

              “Well?”

              “Well...” he said again. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling like an old man.

              Lucy wanted to get the whole thing over with. ‘We’re not really married, are we?” she asked foolishly, hoping against hope that someone would tell her it was all a joke.

              She glanced up at him to find him staring at her with odd look on his face. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and pushed it towards her. She didn’t have to look at it to see that it was the marriage license but she did anyway. There, in glorious black and white, were the printed words declaring that in the eyes of the state of Nevada, they were lawful man and wife. Below this proclamation were their signatures. She recognized her sloppy cursive and then Alec’s own neat script.

              They were married. Now what?

              “What do you want to do?” she asked cautiously.

              He didn’t answer. Lucy waited for what seemed like an eternity and then he said,               “Rudy told me he’d take care of it.”  Take care of what? The Botox epidemic or a certain teenage pop star’s failed attempt at manhood? What? She was suspended in a state of disbelief that he could be so cavalier about it: about her and about their baby.

              She reached up with a trembling hand and brushed an errant lock of hair away from her face. “Take care of what?” she asked innocently.

              “Rudy knows someone who deals with this sort of thing.”

              “What sort of thing?”

              “This,” he gestured towards Lucy and then himself. “You know---”

              “No, I don’t know,” she answered sweetly. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

              “Rudy said he knows some guy downtown who deals with these sorts of marriages.”

              Lucy rested her elbows on the table, folded her hands beneath her chin, and looked at him as if butter wouldn’t melt. “And do we have that “sort” of marriage?”

              “Yeah,” he said, with a careless shrug. “I guess so. What else would you call it?”

              Lucy smiled at him for the first time that day. He smiled back, relieved that she was taking this so well. They would get a quickie annulment, he’d assist her with the baby if need be, and everything would go back to normal. “I’m so glad you’re being sensible about all this,” he blathered on in a rush. “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

              “Oh, I understand,” she purred and stood up. “Would you excuse me? I have to go to the restroom or as you call it...the ‘loo,’ ” He laughed as he sat back and waited. This was going better than he’d thought. Perhaps after he’d sorted everything out....

              Alec didn’t get to finish his pleasant thought as something very cold and very wet was suddenly poured over his head. He sat choking and spitting out the remnants of a soy shake and stared up at Lucy who was standing over him in a magnificent rage. “Oh, I understand,” she spat. “When they removed your cast, they removed your spine as well!” With that she spun on her heel and stormed out, leaving him to the amused laughter of everyone fortunate enough to witness his humiliation at the hands of his petite wife.

              He stood up, sheepishly swiping at himself with a napkin, and fumbled with his wallet as he struggled to pull out the exact amount and a tip for the waitress. Alec stumbled after Lucy, who by now, was marching up Beverly Boulevard towards the crosswalk. “Lucy!” he shouted breathlessly. “Wait!”

              Lucy punched the walk button angrily and waited for Mr. Wonderful to catch up with her. “I have nothing to say to you,” she hissed.

              “Dammit, woman!” he gasped. “What do you want from me?”

              “Nothing!” she shouted, on the verge of tears and crossed her arms over her chest. “I just wondered what you thought about the baby, that’s all!” The signal flashed green, and she stomped away, determined to get as far away from him as possible.             

              Alec hastened after her, wondering what the hell had gotten into her. He knew pregnant women were hormonal, but this was ridiculous. “Will you stop?” he shouted after her. “At least let me drive you back.”

              “No, thank you!” she gritted through clenched teeth. “I’d rather crawl!”

              “That can be arranged!” he snapped. “And it’s not a baby,” he sneered. “It’s a fetus!”

              She closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe what he’d just said to her. It was a baby. A life they created in a moment of drunken passion had been diminished to something that could be aborted. Erased. Something in Lucy snapped and she whirled around and marched right up to her feckless husband.

              She stood in front of him, tears of rage welling in her eyes. “Say that again,” she said quietly.

              “God, Lucy,” he sputtered, horrified at his outburst. “I-I didn’t mean---”

              Lucy cut him off as she recoiled her arm and let fly with all the rage and all the hurt that had been building up inside. A small fist shot into his hard abs, making him laugh at her sorry attempt at violence. And then...he wasn’t laughing anymore. It was sort of when he was just a wee lad climbing the tree in his grandfather’s garden, he’d fallen from a branch that looked sturdy enough, and fallen flat on his belly. It hadn’t hurt at first; knocked the wind out of him before he’d gotten that nauseatingly painful sensation in the pit of his stomach that felt like he was being disemboweled. He’d had to lie quietly before he felt like he’d live again. That’s how he felt... right... about...

              His breath suddenly vacated his body as the spot where her little fist had landed woke up and sent a message to every muscle in the nearby vicinity to kill him...NOW! Alec gasped and clutched his side and had to bend over just to eke enough air to keep from passing out. “W-Where’d you learn to hit… like that?” he wheezed once he could form a coherent sentence.

              “Nursing school!” she spat, and stood back shaking the hand that was probably sprained. “Well,” she shouted at him, “say something!”

              He glanced up at his wife who was sobbing openly now. Alec wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. He could only hold up a hand to placate her while he caught his breath. “What...can...I say?” he gasped. “It’s really... not a good time right... now,” he said, once his breath had steadied. He discovered too late that it was the wrong thing to say, especially to Lucy who didn’t want to hear his excuses.

              “Not a good time?” she shrieked. “Not a good time? When will it be a good time, Alec?” she screamed again, oblivious to the crowd they were drawing. “Maybe it will be a good time when the baby is barreling through my vagina! Or maybe it will be a good time when they’re ripping my uterus apart to drag the fetus out!  “How ‘bout then, Alec?”

              “Lucy, I know---”

              “Stow it, English!” she snapped. “You don’t know shit! You don’t know what it’s like waking up at three in the morning with blood on the sheets and being terrified that I’m going to lose the baby!” She took a deep breath and continued in a voice fraught with anguish. “You don’t know what it’s like being so damned tired that I have to physically drag myself out of bed each morning. You don’t know what it’s like being tired and sick and afraid and wanting someone to be there!” Her nose was bleeding now, but she didn’t care. “And you should be there, Alec!” she sobbed brokenly. “You should be there!”

              “That’s it, honey!” a woman shouted from the crowd surrounding them. “Give him what for!”

              Alec stood in shock. He hadn’t known it was this bad for her. Hell, maybe he did and just didn’t care, simply content to bury himself in his own problems. He’d been so wrapped up in finding Gavin and making everyone else happy, he hadn’t been able to see that Lucy was the one who needed him most. Her broken sobs stabbed at his heart, and she was bleeding so badly that it looked like she’d been the one who’d been hit. He rushed to her aid, but she turned away and into the crowd who parted like the Red Sea for her.

              They didn’t part so easily for him and he had to shove and fight his way past them and after his wife. He caught up to her and reached for her arm.

              “Get your grubby hands off me!” she screamed and shook him off. “Leave me alone!” She gasped and doubled over, suddenly wracked by a sharp pain deep inside.

              Alec panicked and reached for her again. “What is it?” he asked fearfully. “Is it the baby?”

              Lucy shoved him away. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she sneered as she tried to figure out what was going on.  “Solve all your problems if I lost it!”

              “I would never---” he began, but she cut him off.

              “Yes, you would!” she told him angrily when she felt it safe to stand upright again. “Don’t worry, English,” Lucy said bitterly, “the fetus and I will make our own way!” She backed away from him shouting all the while, “I’m more than capable of looking after this baby by myself! We don’t need you!” she finished and rammed two cotton balls up her nose as she strode down the sidewalk towards something she’d noticed earlier. She could only hope they wouldn’t mind.

              Alec stood undecided for a moment. Should he go after her or wait till she ended up in hospital? He chose the former. “Lucy,” he called after her. “Wait...let me explain!”

              Lucy wasn’t listening as she timidly approached the two women bikers. “H-Hello,” she ventured shyly, “I was wondering if you could help me.”

              The two blondes had parked their bikes while they waited for their friends to catch up. One defied the stereotypical biker babe garb of hell for leather and was dressed in a simple uniform of T-shirt and torn jeans. She looked about fortyish with badly bleached and streaked hair. The other was total biker babe all the way with leather-studded jacket, miniskirt, fishnets, and an awesome Mohawk dyed every color of the rainbow. Even Lucy was impressed.

              They regarded her with a mixture of sympathy and pity. “What’s the matter, honey,” the Mohawk purred in a Carolina drawl, “is he giving you trouble?”

              “Yes!” Lucy nodded, and reached up to pull the cotton out of her nose. “Can you give me a ride?”

              The bad dye job approached Lucy with horror etched on her face. “Did he do that to you?” she demanded in outrage.

              “This...?”  Lucy muttered, gingerly touching her nose. She must look like she got the worst end of a truck. “No, he didn’t---”

              “Don’t defend him, honey!” the Mohawk interjected viciously. “They’re nothing but rabid dogs who deserve to be put down!”

              “Yeah!” agreed her companion, who was eyeing Alec like she’d be more than happy to pull the switch on the electric chair as he came huffing up the sidewalk. “Did you do this?” she demanded, pointing toward Lucy’s face.

              “He didn’t---” Lucy blurted in a feeble attempt to defend her husband.

              “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, honey,” the Mohawk said consolingly. “We’ve all been there one time or another.” She dismounted her bike to put some distance between Lucy and Alec. “Get out of here, you monster!” She hurled at him. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

              “W-What...?” Alec sputtered in outrage. “I didn’t touch her! She has nosebleeds!”

              “Tell it to the judge, asswipe!” Bad dye job yelled. “Like to hit little girls do ya?”

              “Now, see here!” he squawked in his defense. “I would never lay a hand on my wife!”

              “Your wife...?” Mohawk repeated incredulously and turned to Lucy. “Is that true?”

              Lucy shrugged. “Not for long. He wants an annulment.”

              “Typical,” the Bleach job muttered in disgust. “Maybe it’s for the best,” she added as she sized the creep up. He wasn’t so tough. The pretty ones were usually the first to go down. She said to Lucy, “Hop on little lady, we’ll get you to a hospital.”

              Alec was watching the whole thing unfold like a detached victim in a horror movie. She wasn’t actually considering mounting that beast in her condition? Over his dead body! “Lucy,” he warned menacingly, “don’t you dare!”

              “Don’t tell me what to do!” she hurled back at him. “You’re not my husband anymore, remember?”

              “I’m your husband until I say I’m not!” he growled.

              “Is that so?” Lucy demanded.

              “Yes, that’s so!”

              Bad dye job and Mohawk were getting worried that the confrontation would escalate and wanted to get Lucy as far away from the bastard a possible. “You want us to call the police?”

              Lucy shook her head. “Nah,” she told them. “Let me deal with him, then get me out of here.” They nodded and stepped back as she waltzed right up to Alec and kneed him in the groin. He crumpled like a sack of potatoes, clutching his privates in a desperate bid to save his unborn children. “W-What…did...you... do that for?” he gasped in agony.

              “Why’d you think?” she snapped, and began tugging at her wedding ring. Up till now it had refused to budge. But now it was loose. She suspected she had lost some weight with the morning sickness, and she yanked it off in an excess of skin and blood. She winced as it finally relinquished its grip and held it up for her husband to see. His eyes widened. “You were right, Alec,” Lucy said softly as she tossed it into the street, “it certainly kept away the riffraff.” 

              She whirled on her heel and joined Bad dye job on her motorcycle. The woman handed her a helmet and just as she was putting it on, Alec shouted at them to stop. “She can’t ride, she’s pregnant!”

              “Are ya?” the woman asked as Mohawk handed her a helmet.

              Lucy nodded. “Is that a problem?”

              “Nah,” Bad dye job scoffed. “I rode with all three of mine and ain’t nothing wrong with their skulls. Hold on tight, she’s a kicker!”

              Alec by now had risen to his feet and rushed towards them, “Stop!” he shouted to no avail.

              “Ugh,” Lucy grimaced. “He’s really starting to bug me.”

              “I’ll take care of him,” Mohawk offered with a knowing wink at Lucy. “Hey, Angie!” she called out to a woman who roared up in a Harley. “Jeeves here said something about your mother!”             

              “Who said something about my mother?” a deep female voice growled.

              Mohawk stood aside and pointed at Alec who was fast discovering this just wasn’t his day. “He did.”

              Alec stood rooted to the spot as the female equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger stomped towards him. He was six-feet-two in socks, but this she-male made him feel like Danny Devito. She must have been six-foot-six at the most, or maybe she just looked that way since she was wearing heeled boots. He didn’t really pay attention to anything else she might have been wearing or what she looked like, because she was barreling towards him like an angry bull on a red shirt. Maybe he should grovel. “P-Please, madam,” he cajoled sweetly as he backed away slowly. “Can’t we talk about this like adults?”

              “No one says anything about my mama!” she snarled as she reached down and snatched him up over her shoulders.

              Lucy watched the whole thing transpire with something akin to horrified fascination. He was the father of her child after all. “Is she going to hurt him?” she asked fretfully.

              Bad dye job laughed heartily and revved the engine. She snapped her helmet’s visor down in place. “Nah,” she chortled. “She’s just gonna bend him a little!” With that pronouncement, she took off in a whirl of dust and fumes as Lucy wrapped her arms around the woman’s waist and held on for dear life. She squeezed her eyes shut and left Alec to his fate.

              Alec’s life passed before his eyes as the she-male carried him into the night. She stopped suddenly to his relief, but that relief was short lived when she lifted him high above her head before hurling him into an open dumpster.

              She walked away swiping her hands on her skirt as she joined Mohawk who stood nearby. "Had to take out the trash,” she grunted to her friend. They both laughed and hopped back on their bikes, content knowing that another one had gotten what he deserved. They roared off, leaving Alec sitting in a pile of rubbish and nursing his wounded pride. He’d deserved every bit of that ass whooping he decided and winced, shifting in the pile and trying to sit up. His hand slid into something wet and slimy, and the stench made him want to puke. But that was the least of his worries. The ring!

              He hauled himself painfully out of the dumpster and climbed down. The sun was just beginning to reveal itself through the smoggy haze, and Alec grimaced at the feel of his grimy sweats plastered against his body. He managed to take a few steps, wincing as he did so, and frantically searched for the ring.

              It was here somewhere.

              It was his fault; Lucy would never forgive him. Alec limped a little towards the spot where she had tossed the ring. There, in the early morning sun, it winked at him from where it lay in the middle of the street. He rushed to beat the traffic and just as he was about to reach for it, a large Hummer shot down the lane and flattened the small circle of gold.

              He stared at it in a daze and sank down on the curb, defeated. Alec buried his face in his hands and wept.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

             

 

It was a well-known fact of life that cruelly interrupting a pregnant woman’s sleep was liable to get you whacked. So it was with that in mind that Lucy tried to ignore the incessant pounding on her door. After the terrible blow-up with Alec, Bad dye job---her name was Josie by the way--- had insisted on taking her to the hospital, but Lucy had convinced her she was a nurse, and that it was nothing but a harmless nosebleed.

              After Josie dropped her off, Lucy had showered and literally washed that man out of her hair. She never thought Alec would desert her like a rat on a sinking ship. But that was the way the world worked. Men got women pregnant every day and left them holding the proverbial diaper bag. She couldn’t afford to dwell on his cowardice; she had to be strong for the baby. She’d feel sorry for herself later and buried her head under the pillows only to fall into a listless sleep.

              Who was that pounding on her door?

              “Go away!” she moaned sleepily and hugged her pillow. But the pounding wouldn’t stop. In fact, whoever was on the other end was damn determined to get her up. “What is it?” she snapped angrily. It couldn’t be housekeeping. The lady usually came late in the afternoon.

              A familiar voice called to her through the thin particleboard, “Chica, it’s me...Eddie.”

              “Eddie...?” she called out, confused. They weren’t supposed to pick her up till Saturday.

              “Yeah,” he replied in his deep booming voice. “Open up, girl!”

              Her curiosity piqued, Lucy forced herself out of bed and unlocked the door. There was Di’s Eddie, standing sheepishly with his hands in his pockets. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “What time is it?” she asked, yawning.

              He glanced at his watch. “Twelve-thirty,” he smiled. “Why aren’t you dressed?” He frowned at her swollen eyes.

              Lucy looked down at her Hello Kitty pajamas with some embarrassment. “You weren’t supposed to pick me up until Saturday,” she told him dryly. “What’s up?”

              Eddie offered her a toothy grin. “Di was worried about you and insisted I come get you right away,” he explained with a little shrug of his sturdy shoulders. “She can be very persuasive!” He shifted uneasily in his boots.

              Lucy smiled to herself. Was the strapping Eddie afraid of his petite wife? “Umm...have you had lunch yet?”

              “Lunch...?” he repeated in disgust. “I haven’t had breakfast!” he told her, describing the foul grass-clipping shake he’d been force-fed this morning. “It was awful!”

              She laughed with a humor she didn’t feel. Wait here,” Lucy told him, and went to fetch her purse. She handed him ten dollars. “Here,” she said. “Give me thirty minutes to put myself together.”

              “I can’t---“ he protested.

              “Yes, you can!” Lucy insisted, forcing the money into his weathered paw. “Go eat some real food!”

              “Di will kill me!” Eddie said, clutching the bill in his hand. Oh, what he wouldn’t give for Huevos Rancheros smothered in cheese. But if he betrayed his wife, he might end up eating Huevos Divorciados. He began to hand over the ten reluctantly.

              Lucy wouldn’t hear of it and pushed the money back into his hand. “I owe you for the gas anyway!”

              Eddie was still unsure. “You won’t tell Di?” he pleaded like a little boy about to do something very naughty.

              She laughed, this time for real. “Cross my heart,” she promised. “Thirty minutes,” she reminded him

              He nodded eagerly and turned to leave. But something wasn’t right. “Are you okay, chica?”

              “Me?” Lucy rushed to assure him that all was well. “I’m perfectly fine!”

     Eddie didn’t look entirely convinced but his stomach was calling, so he hurried to his truck in case she changed her mind. He’d deal with the consequences later.

              Lucy breathed a sigh of relief and hurried to pack her things. Most of her stuff was in storage, and the goldfish Dean had given her she’d gifted to a boy in Pediatrics. So there really wasn’t much to do since she was living out of her backpack anyway. But she wanted some time by herself to think.

              She changed into a blue scoop-necked tee and some overalls that she’d purchased online. My first purchase as an expectant mother, Lucy thought sadly. She’d had foolish notions of shopping for baby clothes with Alec. Tears filled her eyes and she angrily brushed them away. No more! She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of crying over his sorry ass! Diane would say he wasn’t worth it. And she’d be right. She bent over to pull on her socks and a pair of lug sole ankle boots and wondered how the hell she was going to do that when she couldn’t see her feet anymore. Guess she’d better get used to going barefoot!

              Sighing, she went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her hair. She studied the long locks critically. Long hair wasn’t at all practical. She’d have to whop it off. A bob maybe or even a pixie? Nah, she didn’t have the bone structure to pull that off. She pulled the black mass into a ponytail, too tired to fuss with it further. Then she gathered the rest of her toiletries and put them into her cosmetic bag. Lucy still had about twenty minutes left, so she tidied the bed and sat on the edge watching reruns of Mister Ed.

              Why was it that animals acted more humanely than the humans themselves? Go figure!

              She was in the middle of the episode where Mister Ed had decided Wilbur wasn’t treating him right, so had hotfooted over to Mae West’s stable where he was discovering the grass wasn’t exactly greener on the other side. Lucy giggled as Mister Ed’s eyes widened at the sight of the needle used to give him his vitamin shot. Maybe she should have used that on Alec!

              There was a knock on the door and she clicked the television off and went to find Eddie just returning from a late breakfast of Huevos Rancheros. Di would have a fit! “How was breakfast?” she asked him as she grabbed her backpack and made a final sweep of the room.

              He patted his full belly with a grin of appreciation. “Delicious!” he said smugly. "Ready?”

              He waited for her in the truck while she turned the key in at the front desk. “I need to stop at Rudy’s,” she told him as she climbed in and buckled her seatbelt.

              His heavy brows lifted in surprise. “I thought you two weren’t speaking.”

              “We’re not,” she replied, “but there’s a few things I left behind. Besides, he’s at court. I checked with Tia.”

              “Okay,” he sighed reluctantly and started the engine.

              The drive to Rudy’s Brentwood villa didn’t take long, and Eddie pulled up to the front gate. “You want me to help you with anything?”

              “That would be great,” she grinned, and unbuckled herself.

              Lucy punched in the code and just as the gate opened, Eddie’s phone rang. She waited patiently as he answered the call. “Work,” he explained while he rolled his eyes in exasperation.

              She smiled and thrust her hands into her pockets feeling impatient to get her things and leave. It was the first time she felt uninvited. Then Eddie's voice took on an anxious tone. “What do you mean you lost the order?”  He started swearing profusely in Spanish, and Lucy wanted to plug her ears. Eddie finished the call with a furious look on his face. “Those pendejos screwed up again!” he seethed. “You think you can do without me for a few?”

              She grinned up at him. “Sure, go ahead. I’ll give you a call when I’m done.”

              He waved to her as he hopped back in his truck and then he was gone. Lucy walked up the cobbled lane feeling as if she were trespassing even though Tia had told her the key would be under the mat. She retrieved it and let herself in. It felt strange being here all by her lonesome. Tia was off today, so the house was quiet. It gave her the creeps.

              Lucy rambled toward the kitchen where she fixed herself a sandwich and took it upstairs to nibble on. She found a cardboard box and began filling it with the few possessions she’d left behind after her hasty exit. There were a few stuffed animals, books, and a few clothes. These she folded neatly and soon the box was nearly full. She hadn’t realized how much junk she’d accumulated. She sat cross-legged on the carpet and took out her dog-eared copy of Wuthering Heights.  She always wondered what Cathy ever saw in Heathcliff.

              Lucy was so engrossed in the fatal love story, that when she finally glanced at the wall clock, it was nearly two. She should get out of here. Tia had assured her that Rudy would be late, but she didn’t want to chance a confrontation. She was still recovering from Alec and wasn’t sure she had the strength to be guilted by Rudy’s expert oration. With one final glance at the room, she picked up the box and left. It wasn’t too heavy, and she was halfway down the stairs when she noticed the front door was standing wide open.

              That’s odd, she frowned. She was certain she’d closed it. Setting the box down on the bottom step, Lucy went to the door and glanced out. Had Eddie come back?  “Eddie...?” she called, her voice echoing throughout the deserted house. “Eddie? Is that you?” Still no answer. “Tia...?” Not so much as a greeting from the cat who remained missing in action. Where could he have gotten off to? “Hello? Anybody...?” she shouted.

              Lucy shook her head. She was being silly and scaring herself out of her wits, there was nobody here. It was probably the wind. “Silly girl,” she scolded herself and shut the door, firmly this time.

              She supposed she ought to call Eddie to pick her up. Just as she reached for her phone, a sudden sharp tap on her shoulder elicited a scream. She whirled about to find a vaguely familiar face staring back at her.  “Oh, I am sorry,” he smiled. “Did I startle you?”
              Relieved that it wasn’t some psycho on the loose, she smiled back. “You could say that,” she said faintly, placing her hand over her galloping heart. “You scared me out of a year’s growth!” Then she frowned at the man whose name escaped her. It was there on the tip of her tongue. But she couldn’t place him at the moment. “I-I’m sorry, Mister...?” she asked, fishing for a name.

              He smiled again, deep crevices breaching his otherwise unremarkable face. “Mr. Molina,” he offered. “I’m here to pick up some papers for Mr. Bartlett.”

              Mr. Molina? The name didn’t ring a bell, but then considering her frazzled brain at the moment, she’d forget her head if it wasn’t attached. “Papers?” she repeated blankly.

              He nodded and smiled again. “Yes, I was told they were here.”

              Lucy wasn’t quite sure about this. Since when did Rudy start forgetting papers? But then he was in the middle of a rather nasty murder trial. It could have slipped his mind. So it was plausible he would have sent someone to fetch for him. She glanced down at the man’s three-piece suit and decided he was on the level. “They’d probably be in his office,” she told him, leading the way to Rudy’s study. “Do you work for Rudy?” she asked, just because something kept pricking at her.

              “You could say that,” he replied, with an odd glimmer in his black eyes. “Rudy and I are old… friends.”

              “Oh,” she sighed in relief. She tried the doorknob and found it locked. “Wait here,” she instructed, “I’ve got to get the key.”

              “There’s no need to hurry,” he said smoothly, folding his arms behind his back.

              “Okay.”

              Lucy left him there while she went to the kitchen to fetch the key. He followed after her. She began rifling through drawers looking for the skeleton key. “I’m sure it’s here somewhere,” she murmured, feeling his eyes on her. It made her uneasy and she couldn’t understand why.

              “You were always such a pretty girl,” he said softly. So softly Lucy had trouble hearing him.

              “Did you say something?”

              “You were always such a pretty little thing,” he repeated, this time more loudly.

              Somewhere in the forgotten shadows of her mind lay a memory that suddenly reared its fearful head. She had just turned four. It was a dark time of hushed whispers when she entered a room, a time when frightened parents walked their children to school, and the only time she’d ever seen Rudy cry. 

              Her eyes widened in remembered horror. “You---” she managed to blurt out before her head was sharply wrenched back by her ponytail. Then her forehead was slamming violently into the shiny granite counter. The fragile tissues were breached open, and a steady stream of blood gushed out, scalding her eyes and mouth.

              Blinded by the blow and choking on her own blood, Lucy had no time to react and was hurled like a rag doll across the table, landing in a broken heap on the floor. Her hands instinctively covered her belly in a vain attempt to protect the baby, stunned by the sudden and unprovoked attack. Her eyes blinked open and through a bloody haze she saw him reach for something. He loomed over her like a hellish nightmare brandishing a large butcher knife.

              Lucy tried to scream...to plead with him not to hurt the baby.

              Her brain was desperately trying to connect with her arms and legs to move--to do something--anything to get away from this maniac who seemed hell-bent on ending her life. But her traumatized body wouldn’t cooperate. So he leaned down basking in his revenge, and with his hot, fetid breath bathing her face whispered, “Send Rudy my regards,” before plunging the knife into her chest.

              Lucy screamed as the sharp blade sliced through fabric, then hot searing pain, and the scraping of steel against bone. There was the sense of being suffocated as her lung deflated and blood filled the cavity. He yanked out the blade, laughing as he twisted it back and forth, and plunged into her chest again, withdrew, and the final impalement was done with such savagery that she heard the tip grate against the tile floor.

              She heard him drop the knife with the dull clatter of metal, and through the roaring in her ears she could hear his expensive oxford shoes crunching on shattered plates. She stared up at the blurry ceiling, feeling cold despite the warm puddle beneath her, and Lucy’s last thought before slipping away was that she never got to hold her baby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Fourteen

 

             

             

She was dressed all in black, and her new shoes pinched her feet. People whispered around her in disjointed sentences. They would begin to speak and then the voices would dwindle to nothing but hushed whispers. She tried to make out what they were saying, but they were doing their best to keep quiet. Someone had shushed the voices just as the pain began to torment her again. She didn’t know why they were whispering. Her mother was dead. She’d swallowed the whole bottle of those little red pills. She’d gone to bed crying over her father again. Why’d he have to leave? It was all her fault. Everything was her fault. If she hadn’t walked in on them, if only she’d kept her mouth shut, if only she’d been good. You see? It was her fault that he left. That he had to have her. It was just too much to expect a man to be content being a husband and a father. It was her fault. Get away from me! You’re such a bad girl. Her mother slapped her in another drunken haze of scotch and Valium. Mommy didn't mean it. Better get her out of here, Rudy. Mama isn’t well. They had to send her to one of those places to dry out. She’ll be good as new. Mama, wake up! She won’t wake up! She can’t live with us! I’m not a babysitter! Your father’s dead. This is my house, GET OUT! Will you marry me? Dean, what are you doing? We have the sort of marriage that no one wants. It just isn’t a good time right now. Tell Rudy I said hi...

              “We’re losing her!” someone shouted.

              “GET HIM OUT OF HERE!”

              “Why did you leave her?”

              “It’s all your fault!”

              “You shouldn’t have left her!”

              A rhythmic bleeping managed to filter most of the gibberish. Most of it was garbled nonsense uttered by shadowy figures that flitted in out of her consciousness. They hovered over her constantly, poking at her or touching her hand. She wanted them to go away. She was having a hard time trying to breathe and her throat hurt. The pain was hotly insidious, creeping up and down her body in constant waves, never really going away. Sometimes it receded while euphoric warmth took its place, but it was still a continuous and heavy presence within her.

              And always that damned bleeping. Someone was touching her hair, then her cheek. Someone was crying... harsh wracking sobs that seeped into her quiet delirium and made her retreat further into a dark corner of her brain where she could hide from it.

              She just wanted to sleep.

              Let her sleep.

 

              Her eyes fluttered open. For a frightening moment she thought he’d come back to finish her off and gripped the sheets in blind terror. But then there was the familiar voice; smooth and deep, telling her everything was all right. Not to be afraid. She knew that voice. Heard it from somewhere. It stirred something within her. Something that was vaguely unpleasant. But when she tried to match the voice to the pictures in her head of people she thought she knew, her brain responded with a painful reminder that it didn’t want to make the effort required for this simple task, and she was left whimpering in agony.

              There was an unexpected surge of warmth, and the agony ceased its torment. Her eyes closed and she was wrapped in blissful darkness once more.

 

* * *

 

              He was above her laughing evilly as he plunged the knife in and she screamed at the blade slicing into her flesh. She threw up her hand in a feeble attempt to block it and just as he raised the knife for another blow, her eyes flew open. He was nowhere to be found, and she was alive.

              She was alive and in a darkened room. There was the faintest sound of rain as it pattered against the window. Moonlight peeked through blinds half drawn and the cloying scent of flowers assailed her startled senses. The heavy aroma of roses filled the air and she wondered groggily if she were in a funeral home. Then she heard it. Or more or less felt it. She glanced down to find herself hooked up to an IV, and saw that was the rhythmic beeping she’d heard in her delirium.

              Lucy turned her head painfully and saw someone slumped over in a chair across the room. She couldn’t identify the person through blurry vision and her throat seemed incapable of speech. It felt raw and ached badly. But she still wanted some water as her tongue seemed dry and bloated. There was a small plastic pitcher on the bedside table and she tried reaching for it, only for it to crash to the floor and startle the person awake.

              He awoke with a loud snore and saw that her eyes were open. He quickly rushed to her side with a look of abject relief on his haggard face. It was Alec.

              Lucy’s eyes widened in shock and then it all came back in a violent surge and she reached out in blind panic. He caught her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s all right, love,” he soothed. “I’ve got you,” he raised her hand and kissed it gently. “I won’t let go.”

              Tears came to her eyes. She tried to speak and found it oddly difficult. Lucy shook her head in frustration.

              “Don’t try to talk love,” he pleaded softly, and gestured toward the bandage covering her neck. “They had to cut your throat to help you breathe. It’s liable to be a little sore.”

              Lucy nodded and raised her hand toward her lips.

              He blinked in confusion before realizing she was thirsty. “Here, love,” he said as he poured some water from another pitcher on a table. He placed a straw in the cup with trembling hands and held it to her lips. “Slowly,” he urged.

              She winced as the cool liquid seeped through a swollen throat, choking a little as some went the wrong way. He took the cup and put it down beside her. “Better?” he smiled.

              She nodded and reached down to feel for the baby. Her heart jerked painfully in her chest as the small lump was nowhere to be found. Her belly was now flat. A sob caught in her throat and tears poured freely from her eyes. She’d lost the baby. Lucy covered both eyes with her hands and sobbed helplessly. She could hear Alec trying to soothe her, knew that he was crying too, but it didn’t matter.               The baby was gone.

              “Don’t love,” Alec pleaded hoarsely. “Don’t--” he tried again. He could sense her rising hysteria as her sobs rose in pitch. He knew that emotion well by now. He tried to restrain Lucy as she tried to sit up, and the monitors started going off as her heart rate spun out of control. They’d had to crack open her chest to stop the bleeding. She’d rip out the staples if she continued thrashing about. Alarmed, he rang for assistance and stepped aside as the doctors and nurses raced in and sedated her.

              They turned towards him with an open accusation in their eyes. “What did you say to her?” they demanded.

              “I didn’t have to tell her a thing. She figured it out herself!” he choked back in outrage and collapsed into a chair. Alec stared at his wife lying small and helpless in the bed, and he felt the sudden loss of his unborn child just then. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel anything since he’d gotten the call. Now he buried his face in his hands and wept openly, unashamed and utterly broken in his grief.

 

 

              “Hey, kiddo!” Rudy grinned as he walked in with a fresh bouquet of flowers. “How’re you feeling today?”

              Lucy struggled to sit up and winced at a sudden reminder of the stabbing. When she finally came to, there had been a nurse instead of Alec in his place. The tiny redhead told her they’d sent him packing to his hotel to sleep, as he hadn’t left her side since being brought in, and he was nearly comatose from exhaustion. Lucy missed him already.

              “I’ve been better,” she grunted in discomfort. “What happened?”

              Rudy put the flowers down and rushed to help prop her up with some pillows. He yanked out a chair and sat down. “You don’t… remember?” he asked uneasily.

              Lucy shook her head. “The last thing I remember was closing the front door.” She picked at some random threads on the thin cotton blanket. “After that it kind of gets fuzzy,” she sighed in frustration and glanced at Rudy. “Do you know what happened?”

              Rudy didn’t answer for a long moment. Her doctors were very insistent that he should keep those gruesome little details to himself. She’d nearly died from massive blood loss and then the subsequent miscarriage had pushed her fragile body to the brink. He didn’t think she could take much more. He drew a deep breath before answering. “They told me not to upset you,” he replied at last.

              “U-Upset me?” Lucy muttered, confused. “How would you upset me?” She ran a bony hand down the front of her hospital gown and felt the staples that held her chest together. “Don’t you think I have a right to know who gave me these?” She tried to take a deep breath and nearly passed out from the pain. “I think I have a right to know who murdered my baby!” she nearly screamed.

              Rudy closed his eyes in anguish. Lucy had not been the target of such mindless rage. She’d merely been a substitute. He’d thought it had all been taken care of those many years ago. He’d put him away and had simply forgotten. He’d tried to forget the murders. He’d tried to forget all those children lying broken in their lonely graves. And he’d tried to forget the screams of the parents, pleading with him to stop it all. He’d tried to forget and look what happened. The son of a bitch tried to find Rudy and when he failed, he tried to hurt him by snatching away what he loved most. “It was… Reese,” he answered finally.

              “Milford Reese?” Lucy repeated incredulously. “You put him away!”

              Rudy rubbed his eyes. “He… escaped.”

              “Come again?” she demanded angrily. Lucy’s voice was shrill, on the verge of panic. Even now across time and space, the man’s name was still enough to conjure childhood fears of darkened closets, the bogeyman, and being snatched from your bed. “How…?”

              Rudy stood up, nearly taking the chair with him. “They were taking him to get stomach surgery. He went to the window and peered through an opening in the blinds. “They left him alone in his room, and someone helped him escape. He jammed his hands into his pockets. “He vanished without a trace.”             

              “H-How is that possible?” Lucy said, more to herself than him. “I don’t understand! He killed all those children! How could they let him out?”

              Rudy turned around. “That’s the way the world works,” he said with a bitter laugh. “He kept whining about his goddamned ulcer. I guess they couldn’t take it anymore.”             

              Lucy didn’t want to hear it. “So he decided to pay you a little visit?”

              He nodded. “What were you doing there?”

              “I had to pick up some things.” She shrugged  “I was going to leave.”

              “Leave?” His heavy brows arched in surprise.

              “Yeah,” she said sadly. “I had it all planned out.”

              “And go where?”

              “Canada,” she whispered before the tears made their reappearance. “I was going to start over, just me and the baby…” her voice trailed off as she wept. “I lost the baby!”

              “Lucy--”Rudy began but was cut off as she slid back down into bed, burying her face into the pillows and weeping hysterically. He tried to comfort her, but she waved him off, wanting to be alone. He felt lower than any common criminal at that moment. Rudy couldn’t bear to hear her cry and left to fetch a nurse to sit with her. He slunk off to a bar and did the only thing he seemed good at lately: getting smashed.

 

Chapter Fifteen

 

 

                           

“Hola!” familiar voices cried in unison. Diane and Eddie came in smiling holding several Mylar balloons in various animal shapes and colors. But her favorite was a large pink Hello Kitty. “How’s our favorite patient?”

              Lucy grinned up at them. But when her eyes met Eddie’s, he refused to meet her gaze. Surely he wasn’t blaming himself for what happened? It wasn’t his fault. He glanced uneasily at her before whispering to Diane that he was going down to the cafeteria and then he was gone.

              “Hey, girl!” Diane smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. “How are they treating you?”

              “Better than can be expected,” Lucy grimaced as she sat up. “What’s with Eddie?”

              Diane glanced up at the ceiling. “They should really fix that before the whole thing comes crashing down on your head.”

              “Diane!”

              Diane really didn’t want to rehash the whole incident. Eddie had had enough to deal with being the one to find Lucy lying in a pool of her own blood, Then to complicate matters, Dean had somehow found out and damn near strangled Eddie right there in the emergency room. If it hadn’t been for Alec swooping in like a knight in shining armor, throwing the little bastard out on his ear, and keeping everyone calm, there might have been more bloodshed. “Eddie found you,” she said quietly. “They had…to…um…” she closed her eyes at the sight of her husband screaming, “sedate him.”

              “My God!” Lucy gasped. “Diane, I---”

              “Forget it,” Diane said, smiling weakly. “If it hadn’t been for Eddie we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

              Lucy’s eyes filled with tears. “Will he talk… to me?”

              Diane rose and busied herself with changing the water in one of the flower vases. She came back and rearranged the bouquet of mums that someone had sent. “There was quite the scene in the emergency room,” she said at last. “Dean rushed in screaming your name and started in on Eddie. If it hadn’t been for Alec---” she broke off, tears filling her eyes at the memory. “If it hadn’t been for Alec,” she continued, “we probably wouldn’t have gotten through the first twenty-four hours.”

              “Alec did that?” Lucy asked, surprised.

              ‘Sure he did!” Diane smiled. The smile was genuine. “He was the first one I called and the first one here besides Eddie. Didn’t you know?”

              Lucy shook her head in shame. “No…before it all happened we had an awful fight.”

              “He seems to have forgotten all about it.”

              “I hope so,” Lucy glanced around at the room. They’d moved her to one of the private suites as soon as she was stable. “Where is he?”

              “He refused to leave your side, even for a minute,” Diane reported with glee. “They finally had to threaten him with the snooze juice if he didn’t leave and get some rest!”

              “Oh.” There was a tinge of disappointment in Lucy’s voice.

              “Miss him, do you?”

              “Maybe,” Lucy replied with a reluctant smile. “He was there through it all, wasn’t he?”

              Diane nodded. “Even when they had to open you back up when they found a clot.”

              “Oh, God!”

              “Yeah, it was touch and go there for a while.”

              “How close was I?”

              Diane’s smile faded. “You really want to know?”

              “That close, huh?”

              “Uh-huh,” her friend nodded gravely. “You coded twice!”

              Lucy’s hand went to her flat belly. “And the baby?”

              Diane didn’t know what to say. “You’d lost a lot of blood,” she said finally. “They were more concerned with repairing the damage.”

              “And what was the damage?” Lucy asked faintly, trying not to think about how the baby ended up as collateral damage. She was barely listening as Diane inventoried her various injuries.

              “A collapsed lung, a torn left pulmonary artery, three broken ribs,” Diane paused to take a deep breath. “And a skull fracture and concussion.”

              “Give me a mirror.”

              “What…?”

              “Please, Diane!” Lucy begged. “I have to see.”

              Diane dug into her purse for a compact and handed it to Lucy. “Just don’t freak out, okay? They patched you up the best they could.”

              “Freak out?” Lucy muttered as she surveyed her wounds. She’d grown used to the bandage around her head but not the one on her forehead. She peeled it away and grimaced. There was a long irregular gash that looked as if it had been stitched back together by Dr. Frankenstein. The skin was a mottled yellowish purple. She hastily replaced the bandage and inspected the rest of her face. The swelling around her left eye had diminished somewhat, but she still looked like she’d gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. The once black eye had lent some of its color to her nose. The rest of her face was still puffy and discolored with fading bruises. Basically she looked like she’d gotten a very bad facelift.

              Lucy clapped the compact shut and handed it back. “I guess I won’t win any beauty contests for a long while.”

              “You look fine!” Diane rushed to assure her. “There’s always plastic surgery!”

              “Are you implying my face could crack a mirror?”

              “Who? Me?” Diane asked innocently. “I would never say such a thing!”

              “How long have I been here, anyway?”